- Intro
- Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5
- Chapter 6
- Chapter 7
- Chapter 8
- Chapter 9
- Chapter 10
- Chapter 11
- Chapter 12
- Chapter 13
Intro
2 years, 1 month and 4 days…….
That day still lives longingly in the mind….He was gone again. Gone, taking with him her heart.
She had made her choice, for better or worse it was “her choice”. She was in control, but did it make her happy? So far it hadn’t.
There had been a few texts over the past 2 years, just to keep in touch. One phone call on her birthday, it had been so painful it ruined her day. She knew he was traveling from country to country, trying to live his life, but they both were empty and sad.
Her career was soaring and she was known all over the world, but her existence was still that of the lonely mashalla girl from Istanbul. Searching for her worth and reason. She knew it wasn’t all connected to her writing, though that played a big part.
Her heart was void of its contents, only beating for life. Empty of the feelings that lived deep within her soul.
She needed her reason……
Her desire…Her love…
To rise and be whole again.
Chapter 1
Sanem plopped down in the chair, with a heavy sigh. She flipped off her shoes, what a relief she thought, she felt like they had grown to her feet. This tour had been long and tiresome. Four cities in six days, that was almost to much. Though Spain was beautiful, she was homesick for her Istanbul. There was really no place like home. She was ready for her PJ’s and good cup of tea, but the tea would have to wait until she got home. The tea here had left so much to be desired. Next time she would pack her tea and her kettle and make it herself. It looked like a glass of wine would be her drink for the evening, but just one, it did have an effect on her. She shuffled around, getting comfortable for the night, she ordered room service and turned on some music. A soft and soothing song to relax by, while she waited for her dinner. The phone made her jump, who could that be, she wondered. Ah, Pinar, ” Hello Pinar, how are you.” She said. ” Hello Sanem, get ready, we are going out.” I know a great place for dinner.” She demanded. Sanem threw her head back, and rolled her eyes. No, no ,no, that’s the last thing she wanted. ” Pinar, I’m already dressed for bed and ordered my food, so no, I’m not going out.” She stated. With much debate Sanem won the argument and Pinar relented her invitation. Her friend had wanted to show them the sights, but the thought of wandering around the town tonight just wasn’t what she had in mind.
They were going to spend a couple of days here in Malaga, so she had time to see the sights later. It would give her time to rest, and recharge, before she had to travel again. The next stop was in Morocco, Rabat to be exact. She had heard it was a gorgeous place and she was anxious to visit. The sea front cities were so beautiful and full of life, but they made her long for home and her family. Kai had headed home after the signing, leaving Sanem and Pinar an their own for the last stop on the tour. Then it would be time to travel home. She hadn’t been home in 2 months and she was ready. The farm was her sanctuary, her place of calm, to breath and be herself. It made her feel safe. She had mended her broken relationship with her family, but she remained at the farm with Mihriban and Azizbey. In her heart she felt close to Can if she was near Azizbey. The couple was living their dream, after all these years, they were happy and content. Sanem knew that Can stayed in close contact with his father, that made her feel better and relieved to know. Azizbey even made sure she knew the really important things about Can that they hadn’t revealed to each other in their texts.
She knew he was somewhere in Spain, but the exact location was unknown. He had moved around a bit so she never knew. But her mind was always thinking about him, and what he was doing. There hadn’t been a text in a while, but she felt there would be soon, they barely went a few months without some sort of contact. Sometimes Can would give his father a message to give to her, but there was always something.. The decision she had made to continue on with her own life felt like the right thing at the time, but over time she had regretted it. It seemed they were always denied their happiness at every turn, they let so many obstacles stand in their way. And for what, for one she was too stubborn for her own good, and she hated to admit she was wrong, but more than that, she was afraid of the hurt that came with their love. Over the years she had put up these barriers to protect herself from the pain of loving him, his rejection of her and his leaving caused her such deep pain that it was hard to cope. But she had taken responsibility for her share of their troubles, she had forgiven herself and him. Would they ever be able to set aside the hurt and pain and move forward. This love was a once in a life time love, she knew for a fact there would be know one else for her, he was her heart and soul forever. So why did they have to suffer so, that was a question that haunted her.
The dreaming of him was interrupted by a knock on her door, it must be room service, she thought. They brought her food and it looked delicious, she loved to eat but wasn’t a fan of eating alone. She always hated it, it was almost like a phobia, and she had to do quite often now but she still wasn’t use to it. Just one more thing to remind her of Can, and their fondness of celebrating each hurdle in their relationship with food. He was such a fabulous cook, but that was something that she really had to work at, making her feel inadequate. She set up the table with all the beautiful dishes, she even brought the flowers over and set them in the middle to decorate. That did make her feel better, but it was still eating alone. But this time it was her choice, she did get an invitation out and turned it down, so she had know one to blame but herself.
She just wanted to sit, relax and think, just knowing she was in the same country as him, could almost make her shudder. She wondered what he was doing, was he working, maybe not. He probably didn’t have to. Wouldn’t it be a hoot if he was here in Malaga, and they ran into each other. How crazy would that be. It would almost be a sign, a declaration of fate, something meant to be. She laughed, things like that only happen in movies, and in movies that aren’t very good, but wouldn’t that be something. Her fantasy world could get real unpredictable at times, but she loved to dream about the ” What Ifs” in her mind..
She devoured the food, there hadn’t been anything there she didn’t love. She stretched out on her bed to relax letting her mind drift, and the wine soothe her. The ping of her phone alerted her of a text, she grabbed her phone. She bolted straight up from the bed.
A text from Can…..her eyes were wide in disbelief.
” Hi, hope your doing well. I’m fine, just settled in port town in Spain. So proud of you and the release of you 3rd book, I knew you could do it. Maybe we could talk soon, or maybe get together. I miss you…..
Her heart beat so hard it shook her and she couldn’t control her breathing.
Is this that sign of fate, is this that, “meant to be ” moment.
Chapter 2
Can had everything he could find about her on his laptop, all her signings, all her appearance in very city and country. He treasured them, he searched daily for any little bit of news of her. For 2 years now that has been his pastime, his passion, all that kept him from completely going crazy. When he sailed off that morning, leaving her again, part of his heart stayed. It would live there with her, wherever she might go. It would protect her and cherish her till they were together again. How was his life going to be without her, knowing how the year that he was away was, he couldn’t imagine the rest of his life. The pain was unbearable, as he headed off to wherever the waves would take him. With all their memories packed up and tucked away neatly in his mind, ready at any moment to reappear and soothe him when he needed it. And that was every night as he sat alone in the dark, listening to the waves lap against the boat. His lifeline, to carry him on towards an acceptance of a love full of heartache and pain.
He wouldn’t have had it any other way, even with the pain, the love was worth it. She changed him, she found the good in him, brought out the will to forgive in him. She was different than anyone else he had ever known, or ever will know, he was sure of it. They had found each other, in the most unusual way, yet the purest way. He recalls that first kiss like it was yesterday, he smells her smell…..it calms him. His travels of the last 2 years had heightened his senses even more, allowing his soul to capture hers through just the touch of her bandana. It never left him, ever.
He sailed for months, until he grew so tired he thought he may go crazy. He stopped first in Palermo, he stayed a while but quickly lost interest. He sailed on to a small island of Sardinia, in the Mediterranean Sea. There he was content, but the unwelcoming persistence of a woman forced him to move on. Then he hit Spain, he stayed there, drifting along the coast, taking in the beauty and friendliness of the people. He did move from port to port, searching for that perfect spot. He took up his photography again, as a freelancer, mostly wildlife and nature. Nothing that would require a connection to people. He still loved his solitude, it allowed him the luxury of thinking of Sanem whenever he needed.
He had been in this small community for a while, it suited him and the work was steady. He had an assistant, Miguel, a young man, only 22, but very talented and eager to learn. Can had taken an instant liking to him. In a way he reminder him of his friend CeyCey that he missed very much. His home was small and essential, just what he needed. On the coast and private, that had been his only requirements. He had told his father where he had settled, but he wasn’t sure how long his heart would let him stay. It seemed the more permanent he was the less centered he was. Watching and hearing the news of her, he knew where she would travel next, and his dad kept him up to speed on all her engagements. They text and emailed, and there was even a phone call on her birthday, that proved to be one of his worst mistakes. The sound of her voice, the rawness of it, the pain, he couldn’t stand it and ended the call In 1 min. and 23 seconds. What a fool he was, her voice was like a knife, slowly sliding into his gut, it only made the loneliness more.
The news of the release of her 3rd book was the big news flash in the entertainment segment. He heard about it when he sailed into Barcelona, and the buzz of her making her first visit to their country. The word proud didn’t seem to do it justice, but nothing else came to mind when he listened to all the praise there were giving her. All that she had dreamed of was coming true, but where did that leave him. Any chance of a reconciliation was almost unthinkable now. But he wouldn’t give up. Maybe that’s why he stayed, in his subconscious mind, he stayed knowing she was coming. She would be closer to him, even if that was miles away it was closer than Turkey. So here he was, doing what he loved to do, in a beautiful place, waiting for her to come. That was two months ago, those two months pasted like the changing of the seasons.
He sat outside looking at the stars, that was his favorite thing to do, wondering where she was. Wishing she was here, with him looking at the stars. He needed to call his dad, the next day was his birthday and he never missed at least telling him happy birthday. He reached for his phone, ” Hello dad, how are you. I wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday.” He exclaimed. Aziz was delighted to hear from his son, it had been a few weeks. ” How are things with the agency, any new clients.” He asked. ” Things are going great, we have one new potential client, we’ll see how it goes.” And Can, how are you. Are you keeping busy? ” Can always had to lie With that question, ” I’m great dad, and the work is good, even more than I want sometimes.” He said. ” sorry I not going to be there on your birthday, maybe next year.” They agreed they would get together for next year for sure. Aziz always new when Can wanted to know about Sanem, the conversation always hit a lull. Aziz spoke, ” Can, Sanem will be in Spain in a few days, maybe you could make it a point to see her. I think her tour ends in Malaga, is that close to you, ” he asked. Can couldn’t believe his ears, ” You mean she’s going to be in Malaga, she has a book signing in Malaga.” He never imagined she would be here… well, that changes everything.
This was the best news he had heard in months, but what was he going to do with it……..He finished his talk with his dad and hung up…..
This was fate, he thought, it was one of those meant to be moments…..He texted her….
time to read.
Chapter 3
She stared at the text, it was ironic, she was just thinking about him. But they always did work on the same wave lengths. She quickly gathered herself together to send a response.
” Hello Can, I’m well. Very busy and thank you for the compliment. I had heard you were in Spain, thats funny, that’s where I am too. I would love to get together, but my schedule is very tight right now, but maybe we could talk. I miss you too………Send
Can sat holding his phone, staring at it, waiting eagerly for her response, hoping he would get one. The ping of his phone made his heart sing, she texted back. He read every word carefully, over and over. He didn’t want to misunderstand anything. So she knew he was here…he thought, dad must have told her. ” Good,” he said out loud, ” dad must have told her.” So is she saying she doesn’t have time to meet, or she really doesn’t want to see me.” His thoughts were rambling. Just wants to talk, on the phone, yes that has to mean on the phone since she no going to have time to meet. Oh damn Can, your stammering around like a fool, pull it together. But she always did have that effect on him. ” OH….you have to text back stupid, ”
” So your in Spain, what city are you in. How did you know I was here. If you want to meet I will come to wherever you are, it’s no problem. I mean if you want to… I do…if you want to…….Send
He sighed, ” What an idiot, you sound desperate.” He rubbed his hands over his face, thinking how his day had changed from this morning. This stomach was churning with anticipation, as he waited for her reply.
Sanem studied the message, ” Do I tell him that his dad is telling me stuff about him, that might seem weird…he sounds desperate, he’s willing to come to wherever I am.” I wonder if there’s something wrong…no probably not.” Her thoughts were running wild. Calm down and reply..
She replied, ” Well I’m in Malaga right now, but will be leaving her in a couple of days, going to Rabat, Morocco. And your dad told me where you were, is that a problem. If it is I completely understand……..Send
Can jumped up from his chair, reading the text. She is here, oh my god, I can’t believe it. So dads been telling her about me….that means she still interested..Crap, what do I do. I’m probably no more than 20 minutes away from her. Do I demand to know where she is and drive there as fast as I can. Or play it cool and wait for her to ask me….
He replied….. ” Is that so, I’m not far from Malaga, just outside of town. If you would like, I could come to where you are. And no, I don’t have a problem with you knowing everything about me…so what do you say…….Send
By this time Sanem is up, sitting cross legged on the sofa, holding her phone in both hands. Willing the screen to light up. What if he is pissed about Azizbey revealing his personal stuff to me. He might not even return my text. Ah, there it is….his reply. She read it in shook, he’s here in Malaga. Now is this too weird…..it’s fate. The thought of him being that close sent the butterflies on their flight of excitement throughout her body. What do I say…..do I say what I really want to say, or do I hide and play coy. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, ” My god girl, you’re 28 years old, who in their right mind would play “coy” now…….Just go for it…..
She texted….” So you’re here, in Malaga, how strange. I guess we could get together, it would be a shame not to with us both being right here………Send. Sanem was giddy with excitement, maybe just lunch, in a public place. It might be less awkward. Then we would see how it goes, don’t expect to much, it’s just a lunch……
Can waited for the text to come in…..her reply popped up,
Oh, my god, she going to agree, she wants to meet. He ran his fingers through his hair, and nervously paced back and forth on the beach. ” I want to meet tonight, he thought, but that might be to quick for her.” He sat down in his chair, banging his fists on his knees, laughing, ” I can’t believe she wants to meet.” This is unreal.” He yelled. I’ll suggest a early lunch and see what she says.
” That’s great, how about tomorrow, for an early lunch, about 11:00. If you tell me we’re you’re staying I will come pick you up so you don’t have to take a taxi…….Send
He was back up, pacing the beach, waiting for the next ping…she better say yes..
Sanem was elated he wanted to meet for lunch, but him picking her up she wasn’t so sure of. She pulled her knees up wrapping her arms around them, she laid her head on her legs. She rocked back and forth, ” Why are things always so complicated with us, I’ve known him for 4 years, I was engaged to him, I was going to be his wife and now I’m scared for him to come and pick me up for a lunch date.” You have to get over this stuff.” You either want this man or you don’t, it’s that simple.” She scolded herself. She reached for her phone…..enough of this crap..
” That would be great, I’ll text you the hotel I’m staying in. You said 11:00? I’ll be in the lobby. Can’t wait to see you.” ………Send
She slapped her hands over her face, ” I can’t believe I just did that, ” she squealed. She jumped up and danced around her room, spinning and flapping her arms, singing some ridiculous song. Ah, Sanem, I love you boldness, she said to herself. It’s about time you started taking what you want. She stopped abruptly, her smile faded, ” What if he doesn’t want me now, what if this just a friendly gesture.” She flopped on the sofa, ” Wow what did I do…..maybe I’ll change my mind.” I don’t want to be disappointed, or have my heart broken again.” I couldn’t take it…She thought.
Can smiled, she’s going to let me pick her up. He walked down to the water, sat in the sand waiting for her to send the hotel information. This was the happiest night he had had in over 2 years, this was going to change his life, he just knew it. This feeling was one that had evaded him for such a long time. And it was one that came only from her, she was the only one that had this power over him. Ten minutes passed and no text, did she forget to send it. I’ll give her a few more minutes then I’ll text her again.
Five minutes later…..
” Sanem, you didn’t send your hotel information. Send me the name and I can get the address.” Ok…………Send
Chapter 4
Sanem rolled herself up into that protective ball that she had formed to save what was left of her heart. Why did she jump in with both feet, failing to look at the possibilities. The last 3 years she had her guard up, surrounding herself with logic and letting common sense guide her. Not giving her heart a say in what could make her happy. In fact happy wasn’t even in her vocabulary. In just a matter minutes, she had thrown all caution to the wind and agreed to meet him. She opened herself up for pain, the pain of their love, she had swore she would never do that again. There was her voice of logic and common sense, her inner voice had been replaced with by these. Her inner voice was the voice of her heart, it tried to protect it, but her logic voice was that of her mind. It was to protect her sanity…. She held the phone in her hands, staring at the black screen, after a while, it lit with his text. It was his plea to her to drop her guard, be vulnerable and spontaneous. She closed her eyes, what would she do, her life had been filled with so much hurt, was it possible for them to be happy.
Can waited, the text was read, why wasn’t she answering. His heart was leaping up into this throat. Had she changed her mind, was she running away from him again, before he even had a chance to see her. What had happened, he read back over the last texts, trying to figure out what or if he had said something wrong. He had tried to keep it light and in general, as not to overwhelm her. His mood had fell, it bottomed out causing him to feel exhausted, almost as if he couldn’t breath. She could lift him higher than any one ever could, but also throw him down to the depths of hell in an instant. His heart was racing, willing his phone to respond….but it was silent. He had no other options, but to keep trying to get through to her. He remained on the beach, raking his brain for any ideas, there was so many hotels in Malaga it would be impossible for him to find her. With his heart guiding him he texted her again……
” Sanem, please answer me. Don’t let us go, no more running . We’re past that. I really need to see you. Please send your hotel information…………Send
She was startled at the alert of a text, but she welcomed it like a special gift. Can was always persistent, if he really wanted something. She let his words sink into her mind, maybe he was wanting more also, the text sounded like it. Had he been waiting for all these years, still….. Why was she so scared, his man had forgiven her for all the lies that had disrupted their lives. That was a trait that she bestowed in him, and he changed for her. Her choice was what brought her pain the last 3 years, not him. Could it be she blamed herself for his abandonment of her, and the guilty of causing him his greatest pain. She thought she had excepted and dealt with that part of her heart, but it was apparent she was still holding on to the guilt of what she had done…..Time to change Sanem….. Where is the woman that fought so hard for them, returning time after time to show him her love. Fighting off Polen, Ceyda and all the other woman that dare to try and claim what was hers…..”.He was hers, and always would be, so stop with your ridiculous and childish fears and just love.” She screamed to herself. Ok, it’s now or never. Do it now, or let him go forever, force your mind to accept what your heart already knows to be true. Let yourself be happy and worthy.
Can hadn’t moved from his spot on the beach, defeated and devastated. Why had he texted her in the first place. He was mad at himself for continuing to put his heart through this pain. There was pain with her and pain without her, he knew he would never stop fighting for her. She was his lifeline, the meaning to his life. But how did he move on….he knew there was no moving on. He would exist because he had to, but to live, he couldn’t. He was numb, his heart wept for her, and her touch. He pulled the bandana from his pocket, it was becoming worn and thread bare, but it still carried her smell. It made him happy just to hold it, it let the memories of them and their love live again. If only in in his mind. The ping of his phone was a deafening sound in the silence of his sorrow. He grabbed his phone, the text flashed on his phone then it was gone. ” Oh damn it, my phone died, he yelled out loud. ” What the hell, are all the gods of the universe against me.” He ran to his house, raced to find his charger and plug it in. ” Please be there, Please be there.” He pleaded. It took a few seconds, but the text popped up, he collapsed on his bed, barely able to breath. He rubbed his face and stroked his beard, almost afraid to read the words.
” Sorry, I had an important call from my publisher and it took longer than I expected. There always seems to be some type of problem you know. But, I’m staying at the Gran Hotel Miramar. Do you know it?………Send
He stared at the screen, his stomach released the knots that had been tied up so tight. Oh, thank god, she was just on the phone. His body fell limp from the stress. He breathed deep, and texted.
” Of course, I know exactly where it is. So 11:00 then, is that still ok…….Send
She felt the tension slid away, this was right, it had to be. The signs and the stars had aligned above them. Let this be their time, she prayed.
” Yes 11:00 is great, sorry again for the delay in sending you the name of the hotel. See you then🤗………Send
He laughed and fell back on his bed, she sent a smiley face, how appropriate. This woman never ceased to amaze him. His heart that had felt so dead and lifeless a minute ago, now was filled with that joy and happiness that only she could bring…
Now….just to make it until tomorrow……
Chapter 5
Sanem sat in deep thought, what would this mean, how was she going to act. Is she ready to see him….Yes, she felt she was. That decision she made over 2 years had proved to be a mistake, and one she had regretted. She drove him away again, she had to break this cycle. She longed to be with him and live a life with him, but they were both so stubborn, they couldn’t see the love that was right in front of them. The sleep refused her and all her excitement bubbles away inside her. She finally drifted off to sleep about 3:00 am and woke with a start, looking at her phone she saw the time was 9:30, she jumped up and fumbled around trying to pick out something to wear. Gripping to herself for sleeping so late. Not knowing where they going for lunch, she didn’t know how to dress. She decided on a pair of white palazzo pants, a red fitted tank top with a white gauze shirt, tied in the front. A pair of red strapped sandals to finish it off. She took her long brown hair and twisted it into a bun on top of her head and let a few strands of fall around her face. A chunky bright yellow necklace gave her a pop of color. She was totally impressed with her look, hoping he would be too, she rubbed her cream on her neck. His cream, his scent, the one that drove him crazy. Looking at her phone for the time, it was 10:55, she gazed in the mirror. ” You can be happy you know, you’re allowed, give this a chance, give him a chance…..She grabbed her small red crossbody bag and her room key, took a deep breath and started to the elevator.
He changed 3 times before he settled on light blue button up shirt, with jeans and white high top athletic shoes. It was almost his staple fashion look. He rolled the sleeves up and put on his favorite necklaces. This was his look, and with his hair down flowing in the wind, he always turned the heads of all the woman. But that was never his intent, and half the time he never noticed. His plan was to go to a great little outdoor cafeteria, these places where quite popular in Spain. The food was delicious, and there was always plenty of it. It was out of the way and very original. He knew she would love it. His was still in shock that he was actually going to see her, and be with her. His nerves had almost taken his over and his hands were trembling. Miguel had came to finish a few things on a photo shoot they he had done, Can was pacing in front of his cottage. ” Mr. Can are you fine today.” Miguel asked with a smile. Can smiled, ” Yes, Miguel, I’m very good, better than you might think, I’m fabulous, it’s an outstanding day,” He laughed, waving his hands about, “Thanks for asking.” Miguel smiled, but looked concerned at his answer. This is quite out of the ordinary for Mr. Can, he thought, he had never seen him this happy. Can checked the time, it would only take about 20 minutes to reach the hotel and it was 10:20, but he couldn’t wait any longer, he had to go, he would wait in the lobby, but at least he was near her.
The elevator ride seemed especially long today, or either she was in a definite hurry. The anticipation was playing havoc on her nerves, making her become a little panicked. What had her so nervous, this was her Can, the man she loved, but also the man she had hurt. She willed herself to relax, to breath deeply, release all the negative. She had her eyes closed and was swaying back and forth waving her arms, when the elevator doors opened. She opened her eyes and saw several people standing there waiting to enter the elevator. She smiled, embarrassed they had seen her performing her form of tension relief. One the people in the crowd recognize her and began to cause a scene. The other people quickly realized who she was and crowded around, clapping and cheering for her. It startled her at first, when they started cheering, the language was not hers, so it was all a bit uncomfortable. She tried to get through the crowd but it was like they were trying to force her back on the elevator. The whole thing was drawing attention and getting out of control. She had never experienced any thing like this, Kai had always escorted her out and about when they were touring. He would whisk her away from all the crazy crowds. Just when she thought she might lose it, a strong and muscular arm wound around her waist and the other arm, moved in front of her, to shield her from the onslaught of her fans. The feeling was a familiar one, the touch was one of another time. It brought her a shiver, did she know this person. He pushed their way through the crowd, cradling and protecting her.
She lowered her head and followed the person that had rescued her, forever thankful for his help. Even with the concern of what happened, she needed to thank this person for saving her life. He ushered her out and through the doors onto the street. It wasn’t until then she was able look up to see her knight in shining armor. She was stunned, it was Can, he was the one to shield her from the crowds. No wonder the touch was so powerful, and so familiar, it was her protector. He looked great, tan and more handsome than she could even remember. He scooped her up and they rushed to his car, leaving the crowd still cheering, clapping and snapping pictures of her as they ran down the street. He opened her door and she slid in, in a mesmerizing manner, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He got in under the wheel, it was then they finally got to acknowledge one another. Their eyes ravished each other, in a spellbound sort of way. ” How devastatingly beautiful she was, his eyes had missed her radiance and sparkle.” He thought. ” His soul was serene and whole, fulfilled to the brim with love. She made him feel things that he had never before felt, it was amazing the transformation that happened to him when just being near her. She was so in awe of him, he struck every chord within her, her heart had missed him. Why had she feared this moment, a moment that had brought her so much pleasure. There was nothing to fear but fear itself, she had once read, the fear of the unknown is a powerful thing. You must face it and defeat it, so you can love again……..
If it’s a true love, there is no fear, just trust, trust that love will win…….
Chapter 6
Can smiled, that big smile that showed his adorable dimples, the one that made her melt. My god how she had missed him. ” Sanem, my love, you look fabulous.” Can said with a low whisper. ” I have missed you so, you will never know how much.” ” It seems your fans are relentless, that was a close call.” He laughed. She still had her eyes glued on him, her heart was fluttering like butterflies caught in a jar. All the thoughts and doubts were evaporating from her mind. He was perfect, this was perfect, he had just rescued her like a prince in a fairy tale, and she loved it. Can touched her arm, ” Sanem, are you ok, you’re not hurt are you,” he asked with concern on his face. The touch seared her skin, it made her warm, ” Oh…no I’m not hurt and thank you for helping me.” She managed to say. Her breath was almost gone, he had taken it away, making her gasp for air.
This hadn’t at all been the monumental meeting that he had envisioned, like the walking towards each other as in slow motion to greet one another. An enchanted moment that would capture them and carry them away. That happens only in the movies, but theirs was real, he had been there to do his job, it was his job to make sure know one ever hurt her.
Sanem at last regained her composure, she smiled and said, ” You look great, how long has it been.” She quizzed. What a question, she thought, she knew exactly how long it had been, almost down to the hour. But she continued with her facade, not letting him see her desperate need to climb all over him and devour him with kisses. All these images were running vividly through her mind, it made her shift nervously in the seat and feel a hot sensation rise to the top of her head. Can was searching every inch of her in detail, her skin that glowed, her smell that had filled his car, her hair he longed to touch. It had always stirred his senses to run his fingers through her hair, it was one of the most sensual thing about her. She could set him on fire with just a look and a toss of her hair, that was a feeling he would never get tired of.
Can bowed his head, with a slight smile, ” Well, let me see,” he pondered, ” I think it’s been about 2 years, give or take.” Wouldn’t you say,” Sanem turned her eyes away, as if to think, ” Yes I would say that’s about right.” Wow time sure flies. ” she replied. Can loved her actions, always trying to hide or run, but her feelings were forever visible to him. He knew she had missed him…. ” Shall we go?” He asked, ” There’s a great place to eat and I’d love to take you there.” Are you ready? ” Her nerves had calmed, she nodded her head with a smile in agreement. She would go anywhere with him, to the end of the earth and jump off with him if that’s what he wanted. Her soul was singing a song of happiness and it was all she could do to keep from dancing….
He took off, weaving his way through the streets, it was obvious he knew his way. She wondered how long he had lived here, and where did he live. It was hard for her to imagine him living here, in the town central. It had to be outside of town, probably in a beach shack somewhere. That always seem to suit him, but she didn’t want to ask to many questions like that, they sounded to personal. Her head was full of questions, but her voice remained silent, just a glance at him every few minutes, that always caught him looking at her. ” Just relax,” he shouted silently in his head, ” This is Sanem, your Sanem. You know her inside and out.” Don’t let your mind get in the way of your heart.” He glanced at her saying, ” How long have you been on tour this time.” When will you be able to go home.” He asked the questions he already knew the answers to, but someone had to break the silence.
Sanem gave him all of her news, how long she had been away and telling him just one more stop and then she would happily fly backed home. She told him she would make a 2 day stop in Rabat, Morocco, then from there she would go home. That seemed to break the ice, and she was chatting about just like the old days. She noticed they were on the outskirts of the city, she looked at him with questions, ” Can, where are we going, is the restaurant out this far.? ” she asked. Her eyes were darting around, and he could see she was uneasy. ” Yes just a bit further, it’s an outdoor cafe, but it’s great. I know you will love it.” He stated shooting her a quick smile. She felt reassured, and she trusted him when it came to food. She returned the smile and leaned back into the seat to get comfortable. He felt the weight of the world lift from his heart, that smile conquered any fear that he had. She made him feel invincible, and that everything was possible. He didn’t know how long this would last but he was determined to win her back and keep her with him forever.
They arrived at the cafe, it was definitely a homespun family affair, with all the family taking part in some way. It was no shock to her, that the whole family knew Can and welcomed him with open arms. He had that effect on most everyone he met. The atmosphere was wonderful, it made her feel right at home, and right then all of her doubts and fears went away. This was something they would have done back in Istanbul. He loved all the out of the way places, over the fancy sit down restaurants. They picked a table in the corner, away from the crowd, this place was always packed for lunch. They looked at the menu but she had no idea what it said, so she let Can take the liberty of ordering for them. He knew exactly what she liked right down to what she would drink. She loved it, watching him take charge, and speaking their language, it made her heart flutter.
What a wondrous man, so beautiful and kind. What made her think she could ever live without him……..
Chapter 7
Can gave their order, and shook the waiters hand. Then turned his attention to Sanem, ” Well, what do you think, isn’t this place great. ” He spoke. ” I found this place right after I got here, and I come here at least twice a week now.” She studied him as he talked, revealing his travels and how he made is to this place at this time. He stopped, and looked at her, ” Sorry, it seems I’ve taken over the conversation, I’ve just missed talking to you so much I can’t stop.” She smiled, he looked so innocent and shy, but she knew that wasn’t the case. There wasn’t a shy bone in his body, he was a confident and outgoing person, bound to get what he wants. She shifted In her chair, glancing around at all the people, ” Do you live near here….sorry, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” She stammered. Her eyes darted away from his, he was always able to read her thoughts though her eyes. He would be able to tell she was desperate to know everything there was to know about him and where he had been the past 2 years. Can chuckled looking down, he raised his eyes slowly to meet hers, ” Sanem, why wouldn’t I want you to know where I live, I want you to know everything. ” I want to show you where I live, it’s not far, if that’s ok.” He watched her intently, waiting for an answer. His eyes begged her to agree, and her heart gave the answer with a smile and a nod of her head.
He reached across the table for her hand. It took her by surprise, her eyes got big and her first instinct was to jerk away, but the warmth in his hand sent a wave of feverish desire shooting through her body. Her senses obeyed his touch, as he rubbed the tip of his fingers across her knuckles. His eyes reached down Into her soul, stirring it and making it come alive. She turned her hand and grabbed his fingers with hers. That simple move made the hair on his neck stand up, and a rush of heat began to grow. She couldn’t, no she wouldn’t let herself shut down her feelings. She was going into this with her eyes wide open, and aware. They had wasted enough of their lives, playing this game of, ” who hurt who the most.” Cans face was serious and filled with the truth, that he wanted her still and would do anything to have her. He didn’t flinch from it, but displayed it proudly, and with love.
The food came and interrupted their thoughts, bringing them back to the present. They both looked embarrassed of the look that was beaming from their faces. The food was delicious and she raves about all of it. He loved watching her eat, she took such pleasure in her food. They chatted nonstop, about everything. Sanem finished her meal, full and happy not able to possibly eat another bite. She rested her chin on her hands, staring at him intently, combing very inch of his face. Can looked at her questioning, ” What….do have something on my face?” He asked jokingly, wiping his mouth with his napkin. She smiled and shook her head, ” No.” she laughed, I was just trying to remember you, from that very first day we met.” Do you remember?” She asked. His eyes soften, into black pools of love, tears circled them and made them glisten, he pulled in his bottom lip slightly, as he rewound his mind back some 3 years. That girl that took his breath away with her innocence and honesty, that had a scent of heaven on earth. How could he forget, she was still here, she sat across from him at this table, making him weak with just her presence. This petite human had the power to destroy him with a glance or a single word. He didn’t speak, just looked, and she knew, she knew the feelings that raged inside. She had the same, undeniable knowledge of them from her heart.
Can quickly snapped his head around, slapped the table with both hands and said, ” Hey, let’s get out of here, I’ve got so much to show you, we can’t sit here all day.” He stood and grabbed her hand. He waved to the waiter, yelling a thank you to them and lead her out. She was surprised and excited, but joined him with anticipation. She got in his car, buckled and was ready to go when her phone rang, Sanem fumbled with her purse to find it. She saw it was Pinar, ” Yes, Pinar. ” How are you.” She stated. Her assistant was frantic, ” Sanem, my dear, where in the hell are you, I have tried for an hour to get ahold of you.” I’m standing in your room right now.” Sanem was uneasy, she had completely forgotten about Pinar. What was she going to tell her, that she took off with a handsome, sexy, desirable, mesmerizing, breathtakingly beautiful man!!……but how would she be able do that with him sitting right there..So she lied. ” Oh, I’m so sorry, I decided to take a walk around the city to see some of the sights,” she gushed, giving Can a side glance. ” I’m fine, just shopping and sight seeing.” Don’t worry about me.” She laughed. Can was staring at her in astonishment, she was still hiding THEM… and to who, who was this Pinar anyway. She rambled on and finally convinced her assistant she would be fine on her own, she could go on with her friend and enjoy herself. She finished her call, and avoided looking at Can, gazing around, looking our the window. In a low raspy tone, Can said, ” Sanem, who was that on the phone, and why did you lie about where you were.” Your not still hiding from people are you” he asked. She smiled a demure smile, making him tingle, ” Well, that was my assistant, and I completely forgot that we suppose to share the day together, and I didn’t want to get into a long explanation about how I happen to be with you, since I’m not suppose to know anyone here. So I will explain it to her later.” She said quickly.
Her eyes pleadingly asked for him to understand and not judge her right now. He reluctantly agreed with a return look of exceptance. A conversation without words, that was one with the deepest meaning. It meant they still had that connection, that their hearts were still as one. He would always believe in her, and he had always let her lead the way when it came to the knowing and the visibility of their relationship, but at their age, it seemed to be a bit unnecessary. He wanted the world and anyone else that might be out there, to know just how much he loved her. He was confident and sure in it, always had been and always would be. He never understood why she wasn’t, what made her doubt. Sanem didn’t want to fall back into the same track as they had been on before, the hiding and deceiving their relationship. She knew he was thinking it too. She had to come to terms with it herself. This love….
It was her love, her only love, she knew that. And it would be for the rest of her life…
He was hers….
Chapter 8
Sanem touched his hand with a feel of, ” I’m sorry,” but for now, it needs to be this way.” feel. He relaxed and let his heart just be, live the moment and be happy, his head was telling him. She smiled a big smile, ” Ok, so where are we going,” she asked with excitement, leaning over towards him in the car. She was so close her smell intoxicated him, she had no idea what she did to him, his body twitched inside with an urge to pull over and take her right there on the side of the road. He fought it off like the plaque, it was the hardest thing he had ever done. He brought himself back to her question, ” Oh…don’t worry, I’m going to show you some wonderful places.” He cooed to her with a smile. ” These are some of my favorite places, besides being home, in Istanbul.” Are you ready.” He asked. She smiled and shook her head enthusiastically, like a little child, ready for an adventure.
As they drove, she asked again how long he had been there. He remarked, ” I ported her about 2 months ago. But I have been in Spain for about 8 months.” I travel down the coast until I found a place that reminded me of home.” So here I am.” He said. She loved to listen to him talk, it made her have goosebumps, it didn’t matter what he was saying. ” So this makes you think of Istanbul, she asked, ” Why, what about it makes you see home.” She was so sincere, it puzzled him. He thought a minute, ” Really I just got tired of moving, drifting with no place that I could stay long enough to recognize. You know my whole life has been a blur, I’ve seen so many places but none that still lives in my heart like Istanbul and you.” His eyes drilled into hers, making her swallow hard and blink back the tears. He slowed down making a turn, ” We’re almost there, He said, Just a couple of more minutes.” She let her mind listen again to the last part of that conversation, she never expected him to be quite so open about his feelings, but, yet he always had been. It was her that couldn’t except that he could possibly love her. She still could hear her self say, ” This is the great Can Divit, what would he want with a unsophisticated girl from the district.” And that was still the way she thought of herself, even after all of her fame of being an author, she was still simple and plain. But, god help her, she still loved him unmercifully.
He made a sharp turn down a narrow road, it was off the beaten path to say the least, but it had her intrigued. He came to a stop, and shut off his car, she grazed around to find the spectacular place he had been talking about. Then, there it was, a jetty of rocks protruding out into the sea with a lot of washed up small pieces of wreckage from boats the had once travel the water. Her eyes grew big and she looked at him, he smiled and she threw he head back and laughed her crazy delightful laugh. It warmed his heart, she opened the door and jumped out, and he followed. She walked to the front of the car, ” How did you find a place exactly like our place of rocks at home. ” She gushed. She grabbed his hand and started to the rocks, hoping beyond hope that they didn’t hold the same fate as theirs at home. They were beautiful, enchanting, and it made her soul pulse with the possibilities. He felt the same joy in his heart, just seeing her so excited and happy. ” How did you find these,” She asked, ” This really has to be a sign, you know.” She reveled. Her joy was unmeasurable, and he was so proud that it had the same effect on her as it had on him the first day he found them.
She quickly found her a favorite spot and sat down, motioning for him to do the same. He obeyed with pleasure, letting his heart be happy for the first time in 2 years. This is what had made him stay, finding these rocks and the knowing that she was to be in Spain on her book tour, was all he had been living for all these weeks. But that was a secret that he would keep just to himself for now. She was happy right now and that was what he wanted. They both needed to let the hearts catch up, melt and mold together again as one. Their time was silent, just the feelings of the past and all they had been through surrounded them. It seems like an endless time before either of them spoke. The moment was so magical it seemed a shame to break the spell, but Sanem was anxious to hear how he found this spot. Can told her, ” My house isn’t far from here, so when I first got here my routine was running each morning, of course, so I came across this spot then, and come here everyday. It makes me feel close to you and home. When I sit here, I’m in Istanbul, at our rocks, and I live our love over and over. ” He didn’t look at her, but she could see the tears running down his face, so she had to look away. She feared the same outcome from the rocks of home, and her heart was aching.
She stood, not wanting to leave but, the hurt was drowning. He quickly grabbed her hand, ” Don’t say you want to go, please, I have waited here for you so long.” If you leave my heart won’t be able to take it.” He whispered to her softly. She felt herself fold, crumble like a leaf aged with time. aged like them, from their love, and time that had pasted, leaving them still alone. Why did she have to leave, their love was true and she knew it in her heart. She pulled him up to face her, he avoided her face, but she placed both hands on his cheeks, wiping the tears that streamed down his face and scratching her fingers through his beard. Their eyes met, they told the story of their lives, their pain and the joy. Her heart was full, and open. This was the closest they had been in 2 years, the heat from their bodies melted and molded their hearts as one. She needed him, this man….
So take his hand….the hand of your Albatross and soar to the heavens on his wings….
Chapter 9
The desire of them over took the moment, he lifted her up to meet his lips, she wrapped her legs around his waist. That taste of her erupted like an explosion, this kiss was like non other, it meant something. Did it mean to surrender, to submit to the feelings that they had buried deep inside. The kiss was deep and long, it searched for more. He let her down to touch the ground, his eyes devoured her, ” Sanem, my heart is yours, my body is yours, the very breath I need is yours.” We are meant to be, do you believe in fate,” He asked, ” if you do than stay with me, and let’s make our life mean something. She smiled, wrapped her arms around his neck, she felt this was true, all of her being was screaming for it, needing it. Throw away the doubt, the uncertainty, this was real. They had wasted so much time, waiting to be happy but only giving themselves time to run away.
She let her mind think as they walked to the car, hand and hand. Could she do it, let herself go, love without boundaries. She felt she had to, it was all she had left. The searching for a reason to leave, didn’t seem to be an option. They drove a short distance to his house, she was stunned, it was a beautiful little cottage, facing the ocean. There was chairs anchored in the sand on the beach. The front of the house was adorned with flowers in pots and wind chimes, at least four, maybe more. It was perfect, just what she would have expected for him. She looked around with wonderment in her eyes, though different, it had the vibe of the mountain cabin at home. He watched her gaze at all the decor, her eyes so happy. He had decorated all of this with her in mind. Hoping she would come one day and see it. They walked around the cottage and he told her all about the area, and how he came to find this place. She listened intently, to every word, it filled her heart with love to know he had done all these things for her. The day was winding down, the sky had shades of evening drifting in. They had spent the day together, waking the senses of them again, letting the renewal begin.
Can went to make tea, his special blend, he had it sent to him from home. Their tea, he had it every night, while watching out over the ocean. So close yet so far, Is how he felt about it. But she was here, in the flesh, he could touch her, smell her, let his dreams fly wild in his head. She sat on the beach waiting for him to return with tea, what a special spot he had made for himself, she thought. Was it really with her in mind, it did have her flair and resemblance of her farm back home. How cute for him to have done all this for her. She felt loved and needed, and that was a feeling she hadn’t let adorn her since Can left. She heard him coming with tea, she turned to help him, and the sight of him took her breath, he had changed into his shorts and a t-shirt, so casual, but oh so inviting. He had wrapped his hair up in a bun, which was his usual style, and his feet were bare. This man could look good in anything she thought, ” Oh..you changed.” She stated. ” You look comfy.” He smiled, handed her a tea cup and sprawled out beside her. The tea was delicious, she told him her problem with getting a decent cup of tea, and her threat of bringing her own the next time. They lounged on the beach, for a while, until the ringing of her phone got her attention. Her immediate thought, Pinar, what was she going to tell her. She looked at Can, with a concerned look. He nodded his head as if to say, ” You have to tell the truth sometime,” so it might as well be now.
She answered, ” Hello Pinar, how are you.” Her assistant was beside herself, ” Don’t you dare act flippant with Ms. Sanem, tell me where you are and tell me now.” Kai has been trying to get ahold of you for hours, and I know your not still shopping.” Sanem took a deep breath, ” Well, it seems I ran into an old friend……she started, but Can darted his eyes at her in shock. ” Well, not exactly a friend, it’s more like a old boyfriend…..Can threw his hands in the air, jumped up and started for his house. She stopped, and after a long silence she said, ” Pinar, I have found the man of my life here, you’re not going to believe it….but I will fill you in on all the details later. ” But don’t wait up for me because I probably won’t be back tonight.” Pinar yelled, ” Wait just a minute, your not staying anywhere tonight, but right here in your room, now you tell me where you are and I will send the car to pick you up.” You just meet this random guy and your going to stay with him, No, not on my watch, Kai will kill me.” Sanem felt the strength build in her, why did everyone feel the need to tell her what to do, she was of age and could think for herself. She looked around to see where Can had gone and she could see him sitting in the house, his head resting on his hands, with the look of defeat. ” Listen Pinar, I know you think your doing this for my own good, but I know what I’m doing,” I can’t explain right know but just trust me.” She begged. Tell Kai I’ve already gone to bed or something, but I’m not coming back tonight.” She disconnected the phone, gathering all the courage she could muster, she headed to the house. He looked up as she entered, clearly upset, ” So are you ready to go, I’ll take you back.” He stood to leave, but she didn’t move, she stared at him,…” Do you think you’re getting rid of me that easy Can Divit, well, you’re not “…..Just like always you ran away before listening to the full conversation.” I told her I wouldn’t be back tonight, that I found the man of my life and was staying here.” So wipe that frown off of your face and kiss me.” He was stunned, but the happiest he’d been in years, she chose him, she stayed for him.
He cupped her face in her hands, covering her lips with his. Her skin was soft, their touch of desire needed nothing else but to be forever. One by one the pieces of clothing came off, the ritual was enticing, and sensual. Their eyes were locked and full of desire, after all these years they would confirm their love in the most final and deliberate way. Sealing their hearts together, making them one. They stood before each other, as natural as their love, he gazed right through to her heart, ” Sanem, we can wait, if you want, we can wait if you’re uncomfortable ….he whispered with his forehead resting on hers. Their bodies touching, blazing on fire with a lifetime of desire. She pulled back, ” Wait, wait for what Can, for us to fall anymore in love than what we are.” I know that would be impossible, so, No…we will not wait, I will not wait.
Our love has waited long enough, it’s outlasted the test of time….
Chapter 10
The desire of them over took the moment, he lifted her up to meet his lips, she wrapped her legs around his waist. That taste of her erupted like an explosion, this kiss was like non other, it meant something. Did it mean to surrender, to submit to the feelings that they had buried deep inside. The kiss was deep and long, it searched for more. He let her down to touch the ground, his eyes devoured her, ” Sanem, my heart is yours, my body is yours, the very breath I need is yours.” We are meant to be, do you believe in fate,” He asked, ” if you do than stay with me, and let’s make our life mean something. She smiled, wrapped her arms around his neck, she felt this was true, all of her being was screaming for it, needing it. Throw away the doubt, the uncertainty, this was real. They had wasted so much time, waiting to be happy but only giving themselves time to run away.
She let her mind think as they walked to the car, hand and hand. Could she do it, let herself go, love without boundaries. She felt she had to, it was all she had left. The searching for a reason to leave, didn’t seem to be an option. They drove a short distance to his house, she was stunned, it was a beautiful little cottage, facing the ocean. There was chairs anchored in the sand on the beach. The front of the house was adorned with flowers in pots and wind chimes, at least four, maybe more. It was perfect, just what she would have expected for him. She looked around with wonderment in her eyes, though different, it had the vibe of the mountain cabin at home. He watched her gaze at all the decor, her eyes so happy. He had decorated all of this with her in mind. Hoping she would come one day and see it. They walked around the cottage and he told her all about the area, and how he came to find this place. She listened intently, to every word, it filled her heart with love to know he had done all these things for her. The day was winding down, the sky had shades of evening drifting in. They had spent the day together, waking the senses of them again, letting the renewal begin.
Can went to make tea, his special blend, he had it sent to him from home. Their tea, he had it every night, while watching out over the ocean. So close yet so far, Is how he felt about it. But she was here, in the flesh, he could touch her, smell her, let his dreams fly wild in his head. She sat on the beach waiting for him to return with tea, what a special spot he had made for himself, she thought. Was it really with her in mind, it did have her flair and resemblance of her farm back home. How cute for him to have done all this for her. She felt loved and needed, and that was a feeling she hadn’t let adorn her since Can left. She heard him coming with tea, she turned to help him, and the sight of him took her breath, he had changed into his shorts and a t-shirt, so casual, but oh so inviting. He had wrapped his hair up in a bun, which was his usual style, and his feet were bare. This man could look good in anything she thought, ” Oh..you changed.” She stated. ” You look comfy.” He smiled, handed her a tea cup and sprawled out beside her. The tea was delicious, she told him her problem with getting a decent cup of tea, and her threat of bringing her own the next time. They lounged on the beach, for a while, until the ringing of her phone got her attention. Her immediate thought, Pinar, what was she going to tell her. She looked at Can, with a concerned look. He nodded his head as if to say, ” You have to tell the truth sometime,” so it might as well be now.
She answered, ” Hello Pinar, how are you.” Her assistant was beside herself, ” Don’t you dare act flippant with Ms. Sanem, tell me where you are and tell me now.” Kai has been trying to get ahold of you for hours, and I know your not still shopping.” Sanem took a deep breath, ” Well, it seems I ran into an old friend……she started, but Can darted his eyes at her in shock. ” Well, not exactly a friend, it’s more like a old boyfriend…..Can threw his hands in the air, jumped up and started for his house. She stopped, and after a long silence she said, ” Pinar, I have found the man of my life here, you’re not going to believe it….but I will fill you in on all the details later. ” But don’t wait up for me because I probably won’t be back tonight.” Pinar yelled, ” Wait just a minute, your not staying anywhere tonight, but right here in your room, now you tell me where you are and I will send the car to pick you up.” You just meet this random guy and your going to stay with him, No, not on my watch, Kai will kill me.” Sanem felt the strength build in her, why did everyone feel the need to tell her what to do, she was of age and could think for herself. She looked around to see where Can had gone and she could see him sitting in the house, his head resting on his hands, with the look of defeat. ” Listen Pinar, I know you think your doing this for my own good, but I know what I’m doing,” I can’t explain right know but just trust me.” She begged. Tell Kai I’ve already gone to bed or something, but I’m not coming back tonight.” She disconnected the phone, gathering all the courage she could muster, she headed to the house. He looked up as she entered, clearly upset, ” So are you ready to go, I’ll take you back.” He stood to leave, but she didn’t move, she stared at him,…” Do you think you’re getting rid of me that easy Can Divit, well, you’re not “…..Just like always you ran away before listening to the full conversation.” I told her I wouldn’t be back tonight, that I found the man of my life and was staying here.” So wipe that frown off of your face and kiss me.” He was stunned, but the happiest he’d been in years, she chose him, she stayed for him.
He cupped her face in her hands, covering her lips with his. Her skin was soft, their touch of desire needed nothing else but to be forever. One by one the pieces of clothing came off, the ritual was enticing, and sensual. Their eyes were locked and full of desire, after all these years they would confirm their love in the most final and deliberate way. Sealing their hearts together, making them one. They stood before each other, as natural as their love, he gazed right through to her heart, ” Sanem, we can wait, if you want, we can wait if you’re uncomfortable ….he whispered with his forehead resting on hers. Their bodies touching, blazing on fire with a lifetime of desire. She pulled back, ” Wait, wait for what Can, for us to fall anymore in love than what we are.” I know that would be impossible, so, No…we will not wait, I will not wait.
Our love has waited long enough, it’s outlasted the test of time….
Chapter 11
They snuggled a minute more, not wanting this time to be over. In the distance the barking of a dog got Sanem’s quick attention. ” Can, someone’s coming, quick give me the sheet.” He snickered, amused at her shyness, and their boldness. He wrapped them in the sheet and they made their way to the house, scurrying along like a couple of mice running from the house cat. He was laughing loudly by the time they made it inside. She slapped him on the arm, telling him to hush, which made him laugh more. He surrounded her with the sheet, wrapping her like a mummy, with her shrieking with delight. He trapped her, making his advances on her easier, he devoured every inch of her neck and was inching his way down to the little hollow spot at the base of her neck. He moaned with delight and desire, hardly able to contain himself. She was delicious to love, and would never get enough. She giggled at him and the funny little noises he made, ” Can, stop, you have to stop.” She flirted. ” Yeah, who says it have to stop,” He teased. Covering her mouth with his, the kiss was demanding and hard, telling her that he was still in command. That is, as long as she was wrapped in the sheet. Their lips parted, and she gasped for her breath, ” Can, my god, what are you doing, ” she shuddered. ” You’re like a mad man.”
He smiled, ” Yes, that’s me, I’m mad for you, and every inch of you.” Do you have a problem with that? ” He asked with a smirk. She tilted her head slightly and scrunched up her mouth, ” Well, I might, you know I do have a say in this you know.” In one swoop he threw the sheet aside, revealing the perfect body of a perfect woman, his woman. His arms circled her, lifting her with ease and carrying her to the shower. His eyes were dark, and serious, full of fire as he opened the shower door. Her smile vanished, and the realization of what was about to happen filled that special spot in her heart. She knew that this would be a shower like none other, the possibility’s had taken her breath and her ability to speak, her eyes were fixed on him. This man pushed her want and desire to another level, leaving her in a frenzy. He was a god-like creature among men, a one of a kind….and he was hers.
” The shower had been the best part of the so far,” she recalled with happiness. But watching this muscular and tanned man make her breakfast in nothing but his boxers, would definitely come in as a close second. As she sat at the table, with her chin in her hands, taking the liberty to stare a every movement he made. She never realized how many muscles actually moved when you were frying eggs, it was quite amazing. He felt her eyes on him, he turned his head, looking at her with no shame what so ever, ” Sanem, what are you doing, ” Are you just going to set there and stare at me, while I do all the cooking.” He announced. She smiled, ” Yes,” I have nothing better to do, I don’t think too want me to cook, do you?” He shook his head and rolled his eyes. Of course the food was delicious, and the company was even better, but she knew the hours were ticking away. As the afternoon worn on, she knew she had to tell Can she would be leaving soon. They didn’t leave the confinement of his small house, but only to walk down to the beach. Such heaven on earth, she thought, how was she going to leave, how would she fly away on to her life, and all of commitments. They laid on the beach, wrapped in arms of love, with a full heart. The time was now, she had to say. ” Can, my love,” I’ll need to return to my hotel room soon, I need to pack and call Kai to see if there has been any changes in the itinerary.” So we should go soon.” She felt his body stiffen, ” What? ” Sanem, you’re not going anywhere, you’re here with me.” You have to stay here.” He spouted. He sat up and spun around to look her in the face, ” Why do you want to go, I don’t understand, this is perfect, we are perfect. She saw the look of emptiness in his eyes, along with fear. She had dreaded this moment, but there wasn’t anything else for her to do. She stroked his beard, trying to reassure him with her eyes, that this was her responsibility, something she had to do. He pushed her hands away, stood and walked towards the water, ” Can, please can you just try and understand, I have obligations to fulfill, a lot of people are counting on me.” I can’t just walk away from it all.” She yelled as he got further and further away. He was far enough away now, she knew she didn’t want to keep yelling, so she waited for him to return. He stood in the water forever, fuming at her decision. He tried to calm himself before he made his way back to her.
She waited, finally he slowly walked back and sat down in front of her. His head hung, his voice was strained, ” Sanem, I’m asking you with all the love in my heart, not to go.” I won’t be able to stand it.” How can you stand it, that’s what I want to know. With what we have had together here, you can just walk away and return to life as normal.” He voice was breaking as he held back the tears. ” Did it mean so little, that you can do that.” Be honest, for once be honest with yourself.” She couldn’t stand his pain, but did he not realize this was a possibility, she had her book, and all of the obligations of it. It wasn’t her time to make decisions, her heart was breaking but at least they had this time together. She covered her face with her hands, ” Can, of course not, this has been wonderful, better than I could have imagined, but…he raised his hand to stop her, ” Wait there is no but,” It was either the best time of your life or something you take or leave, which is it.” He demanded. The tears ran unmercifully, as she tried to make him hear her. He jumped up, ” Come on, let’s go, I’ll take you back.” He yelled. Get up, let’s go.” He swung around storming off towards his car. This was not the way she wanted to leave. She yelled after him, ” Can please stop, listen to me.” He stopped but didn’t turn to her. She caught up to him, he said, ” Why do you care so much about everyone else but us?” He asked, ” if I have to lose you again let’s do it quick,” my heart is already breaking to smithereens. If that is your choice then let it be over, final.”
Her head was swimming, and she felt sick, was that what she wanted. For It to be over…final
She grabbed her bag and got in the car…
Chapter 12
His anger was quite evident as he drove her to her hotel. The silence was louder than an explosion of emotion. He stopped in front of the door, she looked at him, but he refused to return the look. She begged, ” Can, please, I don’t want to leave like this, You have to understand. The look was sharp and tense, He exclaimed, ” Sanem, this is your choice, and only yours.” So evidently you do want to leave like this.” Don’t expect me to be happy about it. You need to go, make everyone else happy, and rich.” Do worry about me, this seems to be the way our lives go, no commitment. Maybe I’ll get over losing you again but then again maybe I won’t. Goodbye Sanem, have a nice trip. She slowly stepped out of the car, she barely got the door shut before he sped away. All of a sudden her life was over, empty and without meaning. She got in the elevator and hit the button, as the doors closed, her tears fell. She leaned back against the wall, holding her stomach, every inch of her ached for him, but she feared she had lost him for good. Her room was dark and she left it that way, she checked her phone for messages, 24 from Kai and 10 from Pinar. But she didn’t care, her life was over, why did she always ruin the best things in her life. The bed felt odd, and she couldn’t stay in it, so she ended up on the sofa, not to sleep, but a place to cry. Pinar had already packed her things and had her ready to go, with clothes laid out for the plane ride. How efficient she was, but how none of that mattered right now. She prayed he would text or call, but in her heart of hearts she knew he wouldn’t.
He drove along going towards home, his heart breaking into tiny bits. His heart stuck in his throat, why did this happen, she didn’t love him enough, that had to be it. Maybe this was a “get even” trick, for him leaving her 3 years ago. He was tired of losing her, this was no game to him, he loved her with all of his heart. His eyes were blurred from the tears, they flooded his eyes, so much that he had to pull over. His hands banged on the steering wheel in frustration, and desperation and he gave in, succumbed to his hurt and cried for the love that he had lost…again. Somehow he made it home, but not inside, it still would reek of her smell, so he walked to the beach, found his chair and dropped in it with a heavy weight. Just hours earlier this beach was a playground of feelings and love, he thought he could still see the imprint of their bodies in the sand. This pain will never go away, or did he even want it do. His punishment was to feel this hurt for the rest of his life, the punishment of loving someone who didn’t love you back. But she was so convincing, why did he not see any signs. His life without her, he swore he spent more time trying to live with our her than with her, but it never got any easier. His mind was focused on her and all the feelings that he held inside him, they lived vividly through his soul.
Pinar rang her phone, reluctantly she answered, nearly able to speak. ” Sanem, my dear, is that you.” What’s wrong with your voice.” I hope your not getting sick.” Sanem cleared her throat, and tried to make her voice sound normal, ” I’m not getting sick, ” what do you want Pinar.” She said, perturbed with all the questions. ” Oh, yes, the car will be here in an hour to take us to the airport.” So make sure you’re ready.” We will be in Morocco in about 3 hours, and the signing is in the morning at 10:00 am.” So will have the rest of today to prepare.” Sanem was numb, her feelings…dead…usually her excitement was off the scale when traveling to a new country and meeting new people, but right now all she wanted to do was run back to that little cottage on the beach and Can. She assured her she would be ready in time for the car to pick them up. Still in the clothes from the day before, she quickly got in the shower to try and refresh her body and mind. How could anyone’s heart be so broken and yet beat on, beat to prolong the life without him. This once again was her decision, her choice, and she had to live with it.
The sun was shining bright on him, making his skin glisten with sweat. He had sat there for hours, staring out into the ocean, the view just wasn’t the same without her. There was no brilliance in the way the sun danced about on the waves, no calmness in the way the sea gulls soared above, looking for food. It was all just there and happening but with no meaning. His life had no meaning, he couldn’t stand the thought of living on, facing day after day alone in every sense of the word. Before, he had the hope that she loved him still, but things beyond her control got in the way of her commitment, but this was her choice, plain and simple. She faced him, looking him in the eyes and chose to go. He wasn’t good enough, as hard as he tried, he wasn’t good enough. He stood and made the walk to his house, while it was only a few feet, it tested his will ability to walk, he stumbled and almost fell. This loss was the last he could bear, as he entered his small house, the remnants of her invaded his soul. Her smell was so strong it almost knocked him down. He fumbled with his clothes, throwing them on the floor, he stretched out on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow she had used the night before. The sadness took him down to the bare reality of being alone, he again released the tears for her, for them.
Sanem sat on the sofa, in a state of confusion, and sadness, Pinar knocked on the door, and when Sanem opened, Pinar gasped, “Sanem, what’s wrong with your eyes, they’re all red and swollen. I thought you said you weren’t sick.” She shouted. Here I think I have some eye drops.” She demanded. ” You know Kai is very worried about you.” Are you going to be ok?” She asked. Sanem turned away from her, knowing her lies would be visible, she shook her head, ” Yes Pinar, I’ll be fine.” She lied, ” let’s just get this next one over with.” I’m ready to go home.”
Those words stuck like a sharp bone in her throat…..
” You are such a liar.” She thought, ” How can you even stand yourself.”
Chapter 13
The trip to the airport was long and she cried the whole way. Pinar didn’t know what to do, she kept glancing at her, trying to decide what to say. Sanem tried to hide her pain, but that was impossible to do. Pinar touched her hand, ” Ms. Sanem, please be ok, is there anything I can do.” She pleaded. Her words fell on deaf ears, for Sanem was in her own world, her world of hurt and pain. There was nothings she could do for her, but watch as her friend suffered. They arrived in Rabat, took a taxi to the hotel. Pinar, handled her responsibility as assistant and checked them in, then ushered Sanem into the elevator and up to their rooms. She lead her into her room, as if she was a child. The thoughts of what could have happened to her echoed in her mind, she needed to call Kai, and find out what to do. Clearly upset that something like this would happen while Sanem was under her care, she got her settled before going on to her room. She rushed to her own room, grabbed the phone and rang Kai. Spilling the whole scenario to him, and telling him the condition she was in, he thought maybe to cancel the signing might be the best.
Kai was aware of the situation between Sanem and Can, though not every detail had been revealed to him, he knew the basics. Can had to be the person that Sanem had found there, the one she loved more than anything. Their story was always so complex, he wondered how someone with that much love could live without it. Thinking of his own life and marriage, how could he possibly have lived without his wife. He ached for his friend, he knew she took her career very serious, so much so she would sacrifice her happiness for it. Maybe someone else should take control of her fate and force her to be happy. He quickly got on the phone to the bookstore in Rabat, explaining that there had been circumstances arrive that was beyond their control and Ms, Sanem wouldn’t be able to furnish them a visit at this time. They were very disappointed of course but, Kai knew this was for the sake of his friend and boss. Everyone had the right to be happy, even if they didn’t know it themselves. He felt so bad that he wasn’t there himself, to tell her how stupid she was for letting anything stand in her way of that kind of love.
Miguel, knocked on the door that stood wide open, peeking in and seeing Mr. Can sprawled out on the bed. Why was he sleeping in the middle of the afternoon, he thought. Should he wake him, they did have a shoot in an hour. He knocked again, just a little louder. Can jumped, and turned over, showing the face of despair, and heartache. ” Miguel, what, what do you want. ” He stammered. He was rubbing his face as if to rub away the signs of his feelings. ” Sorry Mr. Can. But we have a shoot on about an hour, did you forget.” He stated. Can closed his eyes, ” I can’t, I just can’t, he thought. His mind was like mush, and he felt like he had been on a drinking binge. ” Oh, your right, do you mind taking care of that one on your own, ” he asked, ” I seem to have come down with something, and I wouldn’t want to expose them to it.” Miguel smiled and nodded his head, knowing the excuse was a lie, but willing to help out his friend. Can got up from his bed and staggered into the bathroom, holding on to the counter, he recalled the shower they had shared, and how his heart was so happy, and now look at me, he thought. When he came out Miguel was gone, off to take care of the business. Can had no interest in it, he had no interest in anything. He was empty of thought and feeling. Why did he even need to exist.
Kai rang Sanem’s phone, she grabbed it, hoping it to be Can, but it wasn’t. She rolled her eyes and answered. ” Yes Kai, how are you.” She sighed. ” Well, well, well, my dear friend. It seems you may have gotten yourself into a dilemma of sorts.” So what I have done is cancel your signing for tomorrow and booked you a flight back to Malaga. I don’t expect an argument, or a thank you. Just be a good little girl and be back at the airport in 3 hours.” How can anyone so smart, be so stupid.” He yelled. ” You don’t t owe any of us anything, ” he spouted. Just that man of yours.” I think it’s time you give him the love he deserves, don’t you.” She released more tears, just when she thought she could cry no more, there they were, but these were tears of gratitude and joy. ” Kai, are you sure, I mean, what did they say, will that jeopardize the book….OH, who cares.” She screamed. “Yes to the airport in 3 hours. Is Pinar coming too.” She asked. Kai laughed, ” Nope, she’s going home, so don’t worry about her, she won’t be your watchdog anymore. Stay as long as you want, forever, if that’s what YOU want.” Just be happy.” He said.
The wait was excruciatingly long, she arrived back at the airport long before her flight. Pinar was leaving, going home to Istanbul, so her plane left a bit before Sanem’s. They said their goodbyes and she watched her board. Her heart sang, finally she knew her fate, it was with him. She was free of doubts and fears, again she was ready to love and live for herself. Her flight was quick and filled with excitement, her heart was about to burst. She landed, now just grab a taxi and get to his house as quick as possible. Her mind was racing, what if he’s not home, then what….”You wait, you wait until he comes home, you wait forever if you have to.” She declared. The taxi got her there in record time, with a little encouragement from her. She was giddy with excitement, she could barely breath. The driver unloaded her bags, one large suitcase, one carry on and a backpack, her purse…..and that was it. She had her arms loaded, trying to pull her roller suitcase in the sand and everything else falling all around her.
He was sitting on the beach, his mind a million miles away. Drowning in his thoughts of his love. She trekked through the sand, ” Sir, Sir,….excuse me. ” she called. He didn’t hear. She called again, ” Sir, can you help me.” She yelled louder. He was startled, his eyes grew big in disbelief, looking around to see her there, tangled in all her bags and her sun hat cocked to one side, about to fall off. ” Sanem, my god, Sanem” he gasped. ” Sir, I heard there was a place here that served the best fried eggs around, and the chef is amazing, do you know this place.” She asked. A smile crept across his face, he jumped up to meet her. He grabbed the loose bags in one hand and circled her body with the other. ” what are you doing,” he quizzed, looking around at her bags. ” Well, I plan on eating those eggs here for the rest of my life so thought I better bring a change of clothes.” If that’s ok with you.” She teased. The bags were dropped, and his arms swallowed her frame, he flipped off her hat with his nose, lifting her to meet his lips.
Breathless from the kiss, she whispered. ” I can live here for the rest of my days, just me and you.”……….committed.
Virginia Dewberry Stories 