I’m Stronger Than Ever… The Phoenix

by grannydew, posted in The Phoenix and the Albatross Series

Chapter 1

Her morning had been busy. A trip to the city for a meeting, there always seemed to be a meeting of some kind. She was interested in working with a very important writer, that she had admired for a very long time..He was going to be in Istanbul for a while and might be able to work with her a bit. She was very excited for him to help her on her next project. She was having a bit of a problem finding her inspiration. She hoped a fresh outlook would help guide her.

After the debut book, and the popularity it had reached, the demand on her to follow up with a second book had grown. Her fans had a deep connection with the Albatross book and were begging her for the continuation.  But in the writing of that book,  she had revealed her heart and soul for everyone to see and feel. That had left her empty and unsure of how to move on with her life. She was brought to realize just how vulnerable and naive she had been. This journey open her mind to the possibility that not all people had her best interest at heart. She had been damaged and used.  A series of things happened;  Yigit, Huma, and Emre, all deceiving her, making her life and all that she had hoped for seem wrong.  

Can had left her, not willing to stay and fight for her, throwing her away. But that’s the way it always had been with him. This wasn’t the first time he had chose not to listen to her, understand her. She had been wrong not to leave with him that night at the hospital, she knew that and within minutes, she tried to call and apologize, tell him she had been wrong….She waned to tell him she would come to his house after the doctor gave another report on Yigit. She just felt so guilty, she could just walk away yet.  

He didn’t answer……She called for hours, she even took a taxi to his house the next morning determined to talk and apologize for telling him to leave, But….He Was Gone………..                              Gone from her life,  disappeared and it seemed, without any regret. He turned off his phone and vanished.  Her days stood still and the agony, and desire to find Can consumed her. Emre was less that sympathetic, blaming her for his brothers disappearance.  It had put a strain on the relationship with her sister. The agency fell, under the leadership of Emre, leaving the company bankrupt. Emre had to sell off everything he had to pay off the debt of the agency, forcing them to move in with Mevkibe and Nihat. The situation was strained to say the least, and Sanem felt it more than anyone. 

She met a fan, a very sincere woman Mihriban, that had been through a lot in her life, and she offered a home to Sanem for as long as she wanted it. It seemed their lives were a parallel of each other. Both searching for answers and both feeling abandoned.   The farm was beautiful and just what Sanem needed. She quickly took her up on her offer. She met with opposition from her parents but held her own and declared her independence.  The move would refresh her, living in the fresh air, letting herself be, just herself,  getting stronger with every day. 

The game that Yigit and Huma had played, was by far the biggest blow to her confidence. She had believed Yigit when he told her about her book deal, it was the happiest she had been in years. What a farce, the accident the book deal, all of it.  She was used, and it hurt. Knowing the way Huma felt about her was no secret, she hated Sanem and didn’t try to hide it..But Yigit, lied and manipulated her, allowing her to get her hopes up and then crushed them. When the doctors explained that Yigits condition was minimal and without paralysis,  Sanem knew Huma and Yigit had lied to come between her and Can..once again, Sanem had been used…….

All the right in the world couldn’t make Sanem feel good about herself..she had to make her own good, she had to make her own right. She took her transcript and presented it to several publishing houses. Within weeks she had a book deal and she had done it on her own…Her demand of taking control, brought her a strength that she had never known before. But in the process, it calloused her, leaving her unable to trust and except everything at face value, as she had always done before.  This journey was going to be HER journey, signed, sealed and delivered  by her.  The months that followed, brought her the happiness of doing it on her own, but not the fulfillment of sharing it with the person she loved. 

For a year her trusted friend CeyCey stood by her,  believing in her, standing behind her, holding her up when she felt she couldn’t.  He too had lost a part of him when Can left, his friend , whom he adored, trusted and would have done anything for.  He’s mission was to take care of Sanem,  for Can, to protect her and  watch over her, just in case he might return.  He could only hope…….   

Sanem’s creams had developed into a nice side business, and along with the vegetables that CeyCey and Muzo delivered to the market every week, their little farm was thriving. Mihriban allowed them to live there rent free and just work on the grounds to help  her out.  She enjoyed having them there, she had lived alone for so long, they were  a welcome addition to her home…

Sanem’s strength and determination was the main reason CeyCey wanted to re-invent the agency, Fikri Harika.  He longed for his old life, it had always meant so much to him, it fact it was all he had ever known. He hoped she would become involved, regaining her old spirit, and it would soften her a little. She had become a serious business woman, knowing just what she wanted and how to get it. He wanted the fun loving and whimsical girl, that captured everybody’s heart when she came to the agency, including Can’s.  The agency just might help her release that serious side she had developed,  he knew she still carried the hurt of losing Can, but after a year, he may never return………How was he going to help  his friend if that was the case, and how would he, himself handle it…..

Chapter 2

As she arrived  back at the farm after her meeting, she met with CeyCey and Muzo. Excited to fill her in on the future of Fikri Harika, the had purchased the name at a very good price and had intended to reach out to some of their old customers.  She hadn’t seen CeyCey this happy in a while. They needed her as a partner, someone to help them financially If need be. As far as working in the agency, she had no desire. The company had brought her nothing but pain, but for CeyCey, she would do anything. So she signed the papers and agreed to give them the backing they needed.  

They were overjoyed, calling Deren and relaying the message, that the agency was to return and they expected her there for the re-opening. They invited her to the dinner celebration that evening. They were ready to start the venture and regain the company.  Though they were small they had what it took to make this work.  CeyCey was doing this for Sanem and Sanem was doing his for CeyCey, the combination was bound with love.  

They met at the farm the next morning for a strategy meeting. Deren would work on calling on their old customers that had a good relationship with and the guys visited the businesses in town offering their expertise.  Sanem stayed away from the business all together, just focusing on her creams and working on her new book..AzizBey was curious about he new owners of his old company and decided to make a call on  them.  He was overjoyed when he found two of his old team members at the head of the firm.  He offered to join with them to give them the support they needed. . Aziz was aware of the relationship of Can and Sanem, his son had confided in him not long after he took over the agency. The change in his son as a result of Sanem had come as surprise to Aziz, he had never expected Can to become so serious in such a short time. Then all of a sudden he disappeared, without a word, leaving behind Sanem and his work. Aziz feared the worst and needed to find him.  

Aziz Had only heard from his son twice in the past year, just a line to let him know he was ok.  The father was worried for his son, and didn’t have any idea why he had abandoned his life and embarked on a journey all alone.  Emre had filled him in on what had happened between Can and Sanem..leaving him even more determined to find him and bring him home..

When finding the agency was located at Sanem home, the plan started to brew.  Bring him here on false pretenses, let him  and Sanem meet, and Can would have to stay.  But to get him here would be the trick. Aziz’s dear friend Ms Remide had known Aziz for more than 40 years, had trusted him with her business for most of that time. Hearing that Aziz had returned to Istanbul after a long trip abroad for heath reasons, she hired a detective to find Can. She needed to reunite the father and son, to much time had pasted.  Two days earlier she had a report on Can, and his location. Not far from Istanbul, she decided to reach him and convince him to have a visit with his dad. Can was glad to see his aunt, she had helped raise him after his mother took the younger brother and left the country.  He agreed to think about visiting his father before continuing on his trip. She left him, urging him to make that trip to Istanbul before it was to late, and also left him a copy of the book Sanem had written. The book had become a best seller, Ms. Remide had always been a fan of Sanem’s and had seen great potential in her. Knowing how much Can and Sanem loved each other, but realizing they were fighting against it made her want to bring them together more.

As Aziz was visiting with the team at Sanem’s when he received a text from Can saying he was returning to Istanbul to visit him before continuing his journey. He quickly returned the text telling him to come to this address, he needed his help.  Can, curious and concerned,  steered his boat in the direction of Istanbul.  Sanem came from her workshop with the order of creams to go to the market, she is met with Aziz, quite by surprise. Just seeing him brought back the feelings of her first day at work and the kiss that night in the opera house, where she met and fell in love with her Albatross..She was uneasy at the sight of him, but he had never been anything but nice to her, she had the utmost respect for him. She extended her warmest hospitality to him.  But to Aziz, it seemed she  had changed, the sparkle in her eye was gone, it was replaced with a hard determination, although extremely polite, she was uncomfortable.  

Can sent a text that he had arrived and was docking the boat. Aziz was overjoyed at the soon to be reunion with his son.  Telling Sanem, he hoped she didn’t mind but he had ask Can to come there for a visit and possibly help them with the agency.  She didn’t know what to say, Can was coming there, to the place she was most comfortable and felt safe.  All her defenses rose up and met her heart. You are fine , she kept telling herself,  he’ll be in and out in no time.  But she was glad to know he was ok, god knows she had called and texted enough times over the past year, to find out about him.  She knew she was stronger and more in control now, this would surely be the test of a life time.  She so wanted to run and hide somewhere, cover her head and act like this was a bad dream. But she wouldn’t, she had to stand strong like a rock,face him, let him know she didn’t crumble and fall. That was her only means to a life that was hers, a life that she had carved out of the hollow shell that she was left with when he walked away.  

Welcome him…allow him to see her at her best… that would be her revenge.

Chapter 3

As Can docked his boat, he scanned the coast, this was always the most beautiful place he had ever seen. Wherever his travels had taken him, Istanbul was the place that stirred him. It fulfilled his need of home, his desire of calm, over shadowed the otherwise feeling of disconnect. That result of being alone, hadn’t resolved the despair that caressed his heart, making him a shell of what he had been. Of all the places he had sailed in the past year, trying to forget but enthralled more than ever in her memory, returning here, brought him the most peace.. How would he continue his life without her ?  He didn’t think it possible.  So much said, so much denial, so much hurt, all in the name of love. A love that still bloomed like a field of wild flowers in his soul, filling his heart with her smell.  Would he try and see her while he was here?  That’s all he was thinking about, maybe just a glance, a look from far away. A look wouldn’t be good enough, he would have to touch her, feel her skin in his hand. Ah, Sanem, Ah. Why did he walk away that night? He broke, every piece of his soul was shattered, he died….

Sanem assured  AzizBey it was fine for Can to come and visit,  she had been worried after he left. The not knowing was torturous. Nervous, she excused herself, she thought it better not to be sitting there waiting for his arrival..she would give him a few  minutes, time enough for Deren or CeyCey one to deliver the news  that he was at her house.  She hadn’t wanted to totally ambush him. She made her way to the safety of her house, feeling the need to hide. But what good would that do, she thought, the possibility of  seeing him had already peaked her curiosity and lit that fire of desire. She was thrown back to a year earlier, standing in the hospital, with a fear that gripped her and was holding on tight. She knew he hadn’t intentionally tried to harm Yigit, but she was scared,  this man in front of her was not her Can. Where had he gone, this person was a jealous an unreasonable kind. Her mind couldn’t think straight, she said things that should have been left unsaid..and then she let him walk away………just walk away.  She had forgiven herself for that, she knew she had tried to make it right, but Can, once again,  made that decision for her.    

Can was confused, ” What is this place? ” he wondered, as he made his way along the path to the address his dad had texted. ” Why is he here? ”  His dad never ceased to amaze him, in everything he did.  ” This place is fantastic, ” he thought, as he wound his way along the trail to the manor.  There were several homes, he could see nestled together inside the rock fence along the road. What a beautiful farm, he could see olive trees and all the gardens, the exotic flowers and the aroma was spectacular.  ” Well, whoever lived her had a wonderful connection with nature.”  He remarked.  He could hear people talking so he headed in that direction, still not seeing anyone.  As she got closer to the sounds, he recognized his fathers voice, that voice he had missed so much. He didn’t really know how much until now. Then the other voice, he knew it, was it CeyCey, He announced himself,  ” PaPa, where are you, ”  Then he saw him, he looked fit and in good health, smiling as always. He threw his arms in the air and met his son with an embrace that he had been looking forward to for so long.  

Aziz showed no shame in his emotions , he hadn’t touched his eldest son in almost two years.  They had a bond that was special, they took care of each  other after Huma left, taking Emre, abandoning Can.  It took a toll on Aziz, and it damaged the young boy more than anyone knew.  They hugged, patting each other on the back, for a good while. Not sure if they where wanting to let go. Can looked over his dads shoulder and saw Deren and CeyCey standing, watching the display of affection, that brought tears to there eyes. He walked around his dad to Deren first, he kissed both cheeks, along with an embrace. Then CeyCey, his friend that had come to mean more to him than he ever expected. His loyalty to Can was unprecedented, he loved him like a brother. Can gave him a big bear hug, with the feeling of a brotherly love.  Can finally asked                     ” Dad, what is this place, is it your place? ” It’s beautiful, by the way. ”  His dad laughed, “No son, it’s not my place, we are guests of Sanem Aydin. ”  He stared at his sons face, watching it change from jubilant to distraught, in a heartbeat, a bleakness filled his eyes. ” PaPa, i can’t stay here, I have to go. ”  Why did you bring me here, ” he said in desperation. ” She doesn’t want me here. ” He looked at CeyCey with a look of betrayal, searching him for an explanation.  All he could think of, was the quickest way out and back to his boat, to run away as he had done before. He couldn’t look in her face, see the hurt that he had brought  to her, the tears in her eyes. It was simply too much.   

Aziz was holding his arm begging, ” Son please, stay, it’s ok. It’s all ok. ”  Can was struggling with his dad, trying to break free from his grasp when then, as it is in his dreams, her smell, it encircled him, wrapping him with her presence and catching his breath.  He stopped, he didn’t want to turn around, he knew she was there. His heart couldn’t take the disappointment that  she would have on her face. 

” Can, welcome to my home, I’m so glad to see you.”  She remarked. He was frozen, her voice sound so warm and familiar, but yet different. He slowly turned, her face was right there, she had a slight smile, like a smile of confidence. Her eyes welcomed him, she held out her hand, the gesture shocked him a bit but he reached for her hand in return.  Her skin was like velvet in his hand, it sent a chill through his body. She covered his hand with her other hand, her eyes held on to his, making the touch even more intense.  They stared at each other for what seemed an eternity, she was glad to see him, the relief of knowing he was ok had allowed her feelings to soften. He was there, she was touching him……….

His mind flashed through to times in his life that he had been the most fulfilled ;                                          

And this had been the best…

Chapter 4

Her morning had been busy. A trip to the city for a meeting, there always seemed to be a meeting of some kind. She was interested in working with a very important writer, that she had admired for a very long time..He was going to be in Istanbul for a while and might be able to work with her a bit. She was very excited for him to help her on her next project. She was having a bit of a problem finding her inspiration. She hoped a fresh outlook would help guide her.

After the debut book, and the popularity it had reached, the demand on her to follow up with a second book had grown. Her fans had a deep connection with the Albatross book and were begging her for the continuation.  But in the writing of that book,  she had revealed her heart and soul for everyone to see and feel. That had left her empty and unsure of how to move on with her life. She was brought to realize just how vulnerable and naive she had been. This journey open her mind to the possibility that not all people had her best interest at heart. She had been damaged and used.  A series of things happened;  Yigit, Huma, and Emre, all deceiving her, making her life and all that she had hoped for seem wrong.  

Can had left her, not willing to stay and fight for her, throwing her away. But that’s the way it always had been with him. This wasn’t the first time he had chose not to listen to her, understand her. She had been wrong not to leave with him that night at the hospital, she knew that and within minutes, she tried to call and apologize, tell him she had been wrong….She waned to tell him she would come to his house after the doctor gave another report on Yigit. She just felt so guilty, she could just walk away yet.  

He didn’t answer……She called for hours, she even took a taxi to his house the next morning determined to talk and apologize for telling him to leave, But….He Was Gone………..                              Gone from her life,  disappeared and it seemed, without any regret. He turned off his phone and vanished.  Her days stood still and the agony, and desire to find Can consumed her. Emre was less that sympathetic, blaming her for his brothers disappearance.  It had put a strain on the relationship with her sister. The agency fell, under the leadership of Emre, leaving the company bankrupt. Emre had to sell off everything he had to pay off the debt of the agency, forcing them to move in with Mevkibe and Nihat. The situation was strained to say the least, and Sanem felt it more than anyone. 

She met a fan, a very sincere woman Mihriban, that had been through a lot in her life, and she offered a home to Sanem for as long as she wanted it. It seemed their lives were a parallel of each other. Both searching for answers and both feeling abandoned.   The farm was beautiful and just what Sanem needed. She quickly took her up on her offer. She met with opposition from her parents but held her own and declared her independence.  The move would refresh her, living in the fresh air, letting herself be, just herself,  getting stronger with every day. 

The game that Yigit and Huma had played, was by far the biggest blow to her confidence. She had believed Yigit when he told her about her book deal, it was the happiest she had been in years. What a farce, the accident the book deal, all of it.  She was used, and it hurt. Knowing the way Huma felt about her was no secret, she hated Sanem and didn’t try to hide it..But Yigit, lied and manipulated her, allowing her to get her hopes up and then crushed them. When the doctors explained that Yigits condition was minimal and without paralysis,  Sanem knew Huma and Yigit had lied to come between her and Can..once again, Sanem had been used…….

All the right in the world couldn’t make Sanem feel good about herself..she had to make her own good, she had to make her own right. She took her transcript and presented it to several publishing houses. Within weeks she had a book deal and she had done it on her own…Her demand of taking control, brought her a strength that she had never known before. But in the process, it calloused her, leaving her unable to trust and except everything at face value, as she had always done before.  This journey was going to be HER journey, signed, sealed and delivered  by her.  The months that followed, brought her the happiness of doing it on her own, but not the fulfillment of sharing it with the person she loved. 

For a year her trusted friend CeyCey stood by her,  believing in her, standing behind her, holding her up when she felt she couldn’t.  He too had lost a part of him when Can left, his friend , whom he adored, trusted and would have done anything for.  He’s mission was to take care of Sanem,  for Can, to protect her and  watch over her, just in case he might return.  He could only hope…….   

Sanem’s creams had developed into a nice side business, and along with the vegetables that CeyCey and Muzo delivered to the market every week, their little farm was thriving. Mihriban allowed them to live there rent free and just work on the grounds to help  her out.  She enjoyed having them there, she had lived alone for so long, they were  a welcome addition to her home…

Sanem’s strength and  determination was the main reason CeyCey wanted to re-invent the agency, Fikri Harika.  He longed for his old life, it had always meant so much to him, it fact it was all he had ever known. He hoped she would become involved, regaining her old spirit, and it would soften her a little. She had become a serious business woman, knowing just what she wanted and how to get it. He wanted the fun loving and whimsical girl, that captured everybody’s heart when she came to the agency, including Can’s.  The agency just might help her release that serious side she had developed,  he knew she still carried the hurt of losing Can, but after a year, he may never return………How was he going to help  his friend if that was the case, and how would he, himself handle it…..

Chapter 5

The meeting with the cosmetic company proved to be worthwhile. The popularity of her perfume was flourishing on a local aspect. It was being featured in some of the boutiques in the town center. She had been contacted by the company to discuss expanding her brand. This would demand a lot of her time and she wasn’t sure if it was something that was possible right now..Her second book was taking a lot of her time, and that was her priority.  With Can’s arrival, her concentration was already suffering.  But she was determined to carry on with her business, she felt that was all she had right now. It was holding her together, really it was all she cared about. She needed to prove to everyone that had ever doubted her ability, Huma, Polen and Yigit, what they thought of her was only in their evil minds.  Emre was a bit different, his feelings about her stemmed from his guilt, channeling that into the reason his brother left.  He was really the least of her worries, she was more concerned about the effect it was having of her relationship with her sister..It was strained and distant, causing her parents a lot of pain..  

The meeting ran a little longer than expected so she was running late for her dinner meeting. She knew that Kai would be there waiting, probably anxiously.  He always had his schedule planned to a tee.  He was VERY married, with two babies at home, so his evening meetings were few and far between. She rushed in apologizing for her tardiness. The first meeting lingered, she explained, but the she felt the outcome was good. They ordered and got down to business.  Her upcoming book was already causing a buzz, something that very rarely happened. The interest was high and even talk of a filming possibility.  She was elated, she never thought her dysfunctional life would arise so much desire.  She had such a connection with the fans of her first book, their interaction with her touched her. So many related with her problem, love, it’s just a complex and sacred feeling. 

The dinner ended abruptly, a call from his frantic wife, pleading with him for his help. The babies were causing his, normally sweet and docile wife, to erupt into a desperate and uncontrollable mother.  They had covered all the necessary topics, so he grabbed the bill and rushed out.  She laughed, what a circus it must be at their house,  it’s double everything, including the trouble…She finished her wine, wanting to give herself a little more time. She had portrayed the evening as a late night, so to arrive back home at 8:00, would taint the importance of the so called date..After her second glass of wine, she left, hailed a taxi and decided to visit her favorite place, the coast. She loved the boardwalk, it was always alive with people, it was close to her neighborhood but she had no intention of visiting. She found her bench, took off her heels, letting herself unwind..This place calmed her in a different way, it brought her back to the realization that all that she had experienced, was through her passion and dreams. Her dreams had marked her and she had to follow them, come what may….

Can was restless. He had found the balcony on top of the house, it was beautiful. It had a good place to sleep, since he was accustomed to sleeping out in the open, he chose to claim that area as his own.  His dad turned in a little early, the excitement had tired him.  It was quiet there, almost as quite as the middle of the ocean. Being on the boat drifting, knowing the absence of any other human, is a profound and dominating feeling.  It had covered him with silence, it almost devoured him. Sanem was the constant and only visitor that accompanied him as he floated at night, viewing the spectacular movie that the stars would play, over and over.  How may times he relived those last minutes, that look of disappointment in her eyes.  He had never cared what other people had thought of him, he was who he was, Can Divit, a free and solitary man..Until Sanem, she unlocked the desire to, Please, in him, that had always been a void in his life. How did he let things get so messed up, their love was epic for him, it overwhelmed him, yet fulfilled him. This was meant to be, if not, destiny wouldn’t have brought him here, back to her. His mind was clear, this was his journey, to return and live that life that they had dreamed of. 

He had dosed off, flirting with the memories of his past. He was startled by the sound of a car door. He was confused as to where he was at first.  Looking around, his mind finally recalled where he was.  He jumped up looking over the side, he saw Sanem making her way to her house and the taxi pulling out. Oh, she’s home, he thought, he looked at his phone, it said  11:36.  Wow, that was quite the dinner, I can’t believe she was out so late. The possibilities wandered in his mind,  was it really a business dinner or a business/date dinner.  He sighed,  ” Can, go slow, don’t get to upset. ” This will take some time, but it will happen. ”  If we can just talk it will be ok. ”  He smiled, returned to the sofa.  He was ready to start the new day, he had so many things to say to her, things to reveal to her, an apology just wasn’t enough.  

She was undressing, amused at the fact he was watching her every move. She knew he was, she felt his eyes on her when she got out of the taxi. She  never had to see him, she sensed his presence. The time at the boardwalk had refreshed her and the ocean air cleared her head. She needed to keep this situation light and very noncommittal, more like, in general. Let him know she didn’t fall apart, her world hadn’t crumbled into a million pieces. Even if it had, she had pick the pieces up, put them back together, stood up against the mockery that Huma and Yigit had dealt her and became the person she could depend on.  She would let him know about the lie his mother and Yigit had conjured up regarding Yigit’s accident. The guilt they let her feel for so long, and the guilt that Can carried with him that night he ran away from Istanbul and changed their lives forever.  

She had told Can once before, she loved him more than she loved herself.  That was true….but

She loved herself enough to keep going….

Chapter 6

She slept well, refreshed and for some reason her outlook was less burdened.  As she made her tea, and  prepared to go to workshop to take care of daily cream order,  Deren and CeyCey arrived. Bursting in with all kinds of questions,  ” What happened last night, ” Deren shrieked, did Can wait on to get home? ”  What time did you get home? ”  Let me tell you he asked a hundred questions after you left. ”   Deren laughed.  ” And, by the way you looked great when you left left last night.”….Sanem, do you have the coffee ready?”   Sanem stared at her, with her mouth open, in awe she said, ” Deren I don’t think you need any more coffee, you just might combust if you do. ”  She stated, ” No, he didn’t wait up on me last night,”  I got home around 11:30, and thank you for the compliment, that was definitely my goal…They discussed the agenda for the day and she started to her workshop.  It usually took her a couple of hours to make everything ready for the trip to the market,  but this morning she took her time. 

Can walked towards the meeting area in the garden, seeing CeyCey and Deren busy with some research, he looked around for Sanem.  He looked at his phone and the  time was 9:15, He said good morning to his friends, and said,  ”  Sanem is sleeping in this morning? ” She arrived home a little late last night. ”  She’s probably exhausted. ”   CeyCey told him she had been in her workshop for about an hour preparing her cream for delivery.  CeyCey continued, ”  She is very busy with her creams and perfume, and with the demand of the book, she has very little free time. ”  Deren looked up for her computer and said, ” Can, you really need to read her first book, it is excellent, a best seller you know, she became an instant celebrity.”  Can stood and listened, hearing of her accomplishments, feeling jealous that she had so readily continued on with her life.. But yet proud she had followed her dreams..

Sanem made her way back to her house with a box of creams and met AzizBey, out for a morning walk.  He again thanked her for allowing Can to stay there with him.  He told her that Can had always seemed a bit like a caged animal, being tied to one place, but he was more relaxed there than he had seen him before.  She extended an invitation to stay as long they wanted,  she urged him to make himself at home there.  Hoping in her heart of hearts that Can would decide to continue on with his journey.  

Can was nervously searching for Sanem. He hadn’t  seen her more than a couple of hours since he arrived there. Was she avoiding him, but she had said she wanted to talk. After all they had been through, he wasn’t sure if just a talk would do it. He had to tell her how he felt, his love was just as strong as the first day.  He was still surprised at her reaction at his return.  He had expected a storm, she had a temper to match her stubbornness,  but her acceptance confused him. Maybe she had lost the feeling that bonded them so closely, that one love of her life feeling.  

She finally made her way to her house, she saw Deren, CeyCey and Can all at the table, not sure what they were talking about, she went directly inside to box up the creams. She didn’t go undetected, Can spotted her and followed her into her house. He startled her as she turned around, she screamed,  ” Can, you scared me, where did you come from. ” He moved over to her and took her hand,  ” Sanem, we need to talk, I need to to be with you. ” You haven’t been here more than two hours since I arrived. ”   She shifted around to the other side of the cabinet, his eyes pierced through her, making her shudder. She smiled, and exclaimed, ” You’re right Can, I’m sorry, but I already had my plans for last evening and I couldn’t break them. ”  Let me finish with the cream order and we can have a visit. ”  His eyes darkened, ” A visit, Sanem we need to talk, not have a visit.  We need to talk about the last year, what caused that to happen and how we are going to fix it.”  He spouted.  ” We have to fix it, or I won’t be able to bear it. ”   

Sanem held her breath, knowing that when she started revealing how her life had been the last year, she wouldn’t be able to stop. Was she ready for that,  was he ready for that.  She had no idea how he would react when he found out the truth about Huma and Yigit, and the part that Polen had played in their lie. Her trouble with Emre would effect Can and AzizBey, she hadn’t wanted to cause any more family drama., but if he was determined to hear it than she wouldn’t hold back. While he was off  sailing the seas, sulking and basking in his own guilt, she was here, facing the fight of her life, trying to defend herself against his mother. A woman that was bound to destroy her.  It hardened her, she lost a part of herself.  She knew he was totally unaware of the circumstances, and they weren’t his fault, but him leaving her and not fighting for their love was his fault, so that led to the events that followed. 

Can took her hand, looked into her eyes saying, ”  I’m so sorry for leaving you that night, i have regretted it more than you know. ”  you have been with me this whole year,  your smell, I could hear your voice. I tried to forget but you were in my heart, and there you  will stay the rest of my life. ”  He searched her eyes for her answer.  She knew the truth would hurt but, didn’t it always. 

She asked him to sit and they would talk, she reached inside for her strength. That look that always melted all of her defenses , it still did. But this time she was stronger. She started:   

Can, this will be hard for you but it’s something you have to know.  Yigit and your mother played a dirty trick on both of us. He was never gravely injured, they conjured up that lie knowing I would remain by Yigit’s side out of guilt and you would run away, because that’s what you always do. They tormented me with the possibility of Yigit being confined to a wheelchair. For weeks they played that game, until the doctor finally realized what was going on and told me. Polen even showed up her from  London, continuing the farce, even trying to falsify the medical file. 

He put his hands over his face, ” You mean they did that to you just to keep us apart. I’m so sorry, I wish I had been her to protect you.”  She touched his hands, feeling the hurt he felt, and sadness that she to had lived through. 

Can I survived, I didn’t fall apart so you don’t have to protect any more…….

Chapter 7

Can was in disbelief, he know his mother was capable of deception, but to deliberately hurt Sanem, and him, was unacceptable.  Yigit on the other hand, had lived up to the perception that he had of him.  He had always known he had feelings for Sanem, and had used her book as a weapon against them. That notebook, the very thing that was their story of love, Yigit made it ugly, made Sanem doubt him and his love for her. That hurt more than anything, the fact she would believe Yigit over him.  With Huma and Yigit in this together seemed quite logical, thinking back on events that happened. She constantly threw Sanem and Yigit together and encouraged Sanem to keep working at the publishing house with Yigit. How long had they been planning this deception, and when did Polen come into the picture. Ah, yes, Polen, was the Balkan trip also part of their plan to destroy us, he thought.  He never would have believed that of Polen, but maybe he really didn’t know her at all…

Sanem studied his face, seeing his eyes relive all the scenarios of the past. The hurt wasn’t what she worried about, it was the anger. His anger was always intense and ate away at him, until he would explode and lose control.  Can questioned her, ”  Where is my mother now,  do you know?  And Yigit, he’s fine and not in a wheelchair? ”  Sanem lowered her voice saying. “Can the last I heard, your mother and Polen had gone back to London. They escaped before there was a formal investigation, so charges weren’t brought against them.  And Yigit, he went back to Canada, doing fine from what I hear.  So that guilt you have carried all this time for what you did to Yigit, let it go Can, don’t let it hurt you anymore.” 

He was hurt, crushed inside that he had ran, leaving her to consume the wrath of his vindictive mother.  Why had she hated Sanem so much, this person that had brought her son so much happiness and love. Sanem had been the one to convinced him to listen to his mother and forgive her,  forgive was something he never did.  He would make this up to her if it took I’m the rest of his life.  And Emre, why had Emre not stepped in and defended Sanem, helped her against the humiliation of their mothers actions. Can asked about Emre, he knew he needed to see him, “Sanem, what did Emre have to say about what Huma was up to? ”  Where is Emre and Leila, do they live around here close? ‘He asked.   This would be harder to tell him than what happened with Huma, he had become so close to Emre, they had finally overcome the mistakes that his brother had made.  She would need to chose her words carefully, she knew the hurt this would be.  

” Emre and Leila live with my parents, the agency  went bankrupt after you left and Emre hasn’t been able to find a decent job, ” she explained.  Can looked drained and so guilty, but beckoned her to continue.  ” Can, that’s the reason I moved here, Emre blamed me for you leaving, and all the trouble with Huma. Our relationship turned bad and was causing a lot of bad feelings between Leila and myself. ”  So here I am,  living with Mihriban, and getting my life back together. This place has been a miracle from god, I don’t know what I would have done without it. Can stood, clasping his hands over his head, a low growling sound came out,  and then a yell,     ” Damn it, Sanem what did I do to us?  Why would Emre blame you, he knew how Huma was, she thrives on this type of stuff. ”  He paced the floor,  trying to understand. He asked. ”  So they made it so uncomfortable for you to live In your own home,  you had to move here, right?  And what about your parents, how do they feel  about all of this? ”  Sanem lowered her head, ” of course they were against it but the tension was high when we were at home, and it started to effect my dad’s health.” I met Mihriban and she offered this home to me and I accepted.  

Can sat down next to Sanem and reached for her hand as he told her, ” I will go to Emre and make sure he knows that you’re not to blame, Huma and Yigit were out to destroy us, and it looks like they gave it a pretty good try.” Can gripped Sanems’ hand tightly. ” After all that Emre has done over the past couple of years,  he better hope I don’t just beat the hell out of him. I promise I’m going to fix everything, all that was done to you, they will pay. ”  Sanem smiled and said,  “Can I think Emre’s anger towards me is brought on by his guilt of what he did to me when I first came to work at the agency.  Getting angry at him is not going to change him, it will pass if I keep my distance.” I’m happy here now and can’t imagine living anywhere else. ”  

He asked if their dad knew of  the circumstances with Huma and Yigit, and that Emre blamed her.  She told him she hadn’t had a chance to tell anyone but him.  He assured her he would handle Emre and his dad would back him completely. For Aziz was fully aware of the things that Huma was capable of.  Polen shocked him a little though,  their breakup must have effected her more than he thought.  He had always heard about a scorned woman, now he knew what they meant..

Sanem was glad the whole thing was out in the open.  Her life had been in such turmoil for the past two years, she had no idea how it felt to be happy.  Can’s return had turned her world upside down, but she wouldn’t  let it defeat her.  She had endured enough humiliation to last a lifetime.. Can asked if  they could continue their talk in the evening, he really needed to find his dad and call Emre to meet with him.  She agreed, and he left to find Aziz. His anger was boiling over and thought it would be better to take his dad with him to keep him from doing something he would be sorry for later.

He thought of Sanem and all she had to go through, no wonder she seemed different, who wouldn’t be different after going through something like that. What would it take for them to put this all behind them and start fresh, if that could even happen. Their love had been such a gift, but yet had brought so much pain.

If he had only known…things could have been so different…..

Chapter 8

Can found his dad resting by the pool, he looked so happy and content, and he was about to upset his world again.  There so much disruption in this family, all because him and Sanem fell in love. The happiest time of his life was marred with outside hate and jealousy.  He had let her down, he ran away to protect himself when he had told her, he would always be there for her.  Well, he had also changed in this past year, he realized just how much she meant to him, just to breath her smell had brought him back to life.  The hurt she lived that was evident in her eyes, caused him more pain than he could stand.

He approached his dad, calling him gently,  ” PaPa, are you fine, do you feel ok? ” he asked.  His father looked at him saying,  ” I’ve never been better, you’re home, the agency’s starting again, and I’m sitting in this wonderful place, what more would and old man want.”  Can smiled a slight  smile, covered with guilt for what he was about to say.  ” PaPa, we need to talk a bit, is it ok? ”  He asked. Aziz knew his son, the look on his face, he knew he was struggling with something. He turned to his son and asking.  ” What’s wrong Can,  what problem do you have, is it Sanem. ”   Can calmly relayed the events of the past year, and what Huma and Yigit had done to Sanem and  himself as well.  Aziz erupted, spewing the disgust he had for his ex-wife. What an evil woman she had become, or had she always been like that and he chose not to see.  In any case, this had to have been the most offensive and destructive display he had ever heard of.  He begged his son to reveal her whereabouts, he was determined to make her face them and atone for what she had done. Can refused, saying she was better off where she was, her and Polen deserved one another. He had no doubt, that at some point Huma would also destroy Polen, as she did everyone in her life…He had a bigger problem..telling his father about Emre, and all the things he had done in the time their father had been gone. Not a task he was looking forward to…..

Sanem relaxed in her garden, drinking tea and listening to the endless chatter and bickering of CeyCey and Deren. How she loved it, in an odd sense it calmed her, it kept her grounded.  Her will to go on living had been reborn in this place and now with the excitement of her old friends, her desire to remember her past was bringing her peace.  What would become of her and Can?  Who was to tell, but whatever it was it would be a decision she would make for herself and no one else.  She was done with feeling less than worthy, her accomplishments had fulfilled her.  So what if she came from the historic district of Istanbul, why did that make her less.  Polen was from an elite and prominent family of Istanbul, had made a name for herself in the science world, but yet was afraid of a girl from the village. How ironic, she thought,  both her and Huma were more insecure than Sanem ever thought about.  She closed her eyes letting Deren’s screeching lull her to sleep.

As Can detailed all that had happened in the agency after his father had taken leave for treatment, Aziz was heart sick, in disbelief that his youngest son had taken on the traits of his mother.  The years of working with him after his college, grooming him to some day be the head of the company. He knew he was not the creative type, but more of the logic and financial kind, but still he had hoped  he would grow into that. He never expected Can to return to the agency on a full time basis, he had his own career, and it was flourishing. But as fate would have it, Aziz was forced to ask Can for his help.  And of course his most trusted son didn’t let him down.  Little did they know the effects that would hand their family..

Aziz tried to calm himself before making the call to Emre. He knew of his marriage to Leila and had been most happy about it. The fallout of Aileen had but a strain on the business and on their father and son relationship. He was glad Emre had seemed to come to his senses regarding Aileen. Aziz rang Emre’s number, his son answered jubilantly, ” Dad is that you, so glad to hear from you.”  Are you well?”  Aziz answered, ” Emre, son I’m fine, hope things are well with you? ”  And Leila, is she good?  I’d love to meet with you both, I’m in town.” Emre was overjoyed to hear his father had come home. Excited to meet with him, but knowing he couldn’t invite him to the Aydins’,  he suggested the pier for the initial meeting.  They made their plans for later in the afternoon. His father told him, ”  Emre your brother is with me, so he will be coming along, he’s anxious to see you. ”  Emre was a little shocked at that news, but nevertheless, excited to see his brother.  

Yes, Can was anxious to see his brother, but Emre may not like what Can had to say.  He was furious at the way he had treated Sanem, and Leila as well. Sanem and here sister had always had a  close relationship, and it seems that Emre had even destroyed that.  He would talk to the Aydins as well, he wanted Sanem to get back to her family, they had always meant the world to her.  He hated seeing her all alone like that, his heart ached for her.  At least she had her friend, Mihriban, and that beautiful estate to live at..  He hoped to meet her and thank her for taking such good are of Sanem.  

Can and his dad arrived at the pier right on time, Emre was already there.  He jumped up and ran to meet them, with joy he gave his dad a huge hug.  His father, though glad to see his son, was still angry at his actions.  Emre then turned to his big brother, their eyes locked, and Emre knew this was not a happy meeting.  As always, Can worn his feelings on his sleeve, there was no hiding what he felt.  Emre nervously asked, ”  So where are you staying dad, and Can how about you. ” Do you have a good hotel to stay in? ”   Aziz looked directly into Emre’s eyes and said, well for now we are staying with your sister-in-law.  You do remember that part of your family, don’t you?”  

Now, Emre knew why they where there. He had known this time would come,  it was time for him to face what he had done……..

Can’s face was cold and like stone, Emre had always been a bit afraid of his brother,  his temper, at times, could get out of control. He was glad his dad was there.  Can glared at Emre saying, ” So you blame Sanem for the evil doings of our mother? ” Ran her from her home, making her seek refuge elsewhere.  Tell me Emre, what did she ever do to you? ”  If you blame her for my leaving and for the downfall of the agency, then don’t, that also had the mark of Huma and Yigit and with the help of Polen. 

I would really like to hear your explanation……but remember, be mindful of your words……..

Chapter 9

Emre had to swallow very hard to be able to speak, his brothers face was dark and angry.  It seemed his dad wasn’t lending much help in calming him down.  He knew he had to choose his words well.  The fact that Sanem had such power over Can, and he had so regretted his deceitful actions, it was just easier to look at her for blame.  His mother took each and every opportunity to make Sanem’s life a total embarrassment.  Any reason to discredit her brought joy to her. It had influenced him to do the same. Knowing what lies Yigit and Huma had invented, he had kept quiet, allowing the game to grow and flourish, almost causing a complete downfall of Huma and Polen. He explained to Can how she had convince him that this was for the best. It would keep Can and Sanem apart forever. Emre begged Can to forgive him, he just fell into Huma’s dirty tricks, not realizing how it made Sanem feel. Leila also had listened to Huma, wanting to please her, and avoid the fallout from her if she crossed her.  

Can was in total disbelief, how had that woman brainwashed everyone.  It was like she was a witch and put a spell on each one of them.  Can had let him speak, he soaked it all in, wondering if he was really telling him the truth.  Can calmly but strongly said, ”  You have harmed the one person in my life that I truly care about, the one that has my heart as her own. To say you’re sorry is not enough. She has lost her home and her family because of you. ” I, in fact don’t know that she would even be willing to except an apology from you.  Aziz put his hand of Emre’s shoulder saying, ” My son, what reason did you have in treating Sanem in such a manner. Your brother has told me of your lack of judgement in your dealings with Aileen, and the way you drew Sanem into your web of lies. Even causing your own flesh and blood harm, all for the love of a despicable woman. Their dad was convinced that Huma should have to answer for all that she had done. Can was glad to let her stay where she was, never to see her again.  Emre was more than willing to go to Sanem with his heart in his hands and beg her forgiveness. Leila was more than sorry for what had happened. She had express her feelings about the matter on more than one occasion. 

Aziz insisted on meeting and visiting with Nihat and Mevkibe, hoping to smooth the situation that had been created by his ex-wife.  This toxic aura left behind by Huma, had erupted his family and marred the union of these two brothers.  Emre was relieved and was more than excepting to the idea, his bitterness towards Sanem had diminished as the months had pasted. Living with the Aydins, and witnessing the unconditional love that had molded Leila and Sanem, had caused a change of heart for Emre. Leila would, of course, be over joyed at the possible reunion with her sister.  Can relayed his concern that Sanem might not have such a forgiving mindset. They would definitely have their work cut out for them, in convincing her of there change of heart. 

With saying all they came to say, Aziz assured Emre that this wasn’t the end to what he had done, there was still a lot to account for.  But they would save that for another day. Aziz was determined to make things right. Emre questioned Can about his intentions, if he would stay and reconcile with Sanem or continue his wandering ways. Can was evasive in revealing any plans to he might have, especially to Emre. He was not yet completely convinced of his authenticity.  They said their goodbyes, with hopes to meet in a few days with Sanem’s parents.  

The drive back to the estate was solemn, both were not sure that things would be so easily solved.  Aziz had worries about Can and the relationship with Sanem, if that didn’t go well, he knew Can would leave and perhaps not to return. That was the fathers greatest concern. All of Cans’ happiness relied on Sanem, if she would forgive and allowed them their fate.  As they arrived at the house, Sanem met them at the drive saying excitedly, ” The owner, Mihriban, has come and is dying to meet you both.”  Come his way, she’s out by the pool. ”   Aziz immediately recalled the name, thinking it couldn’t possibly be the same as his Mihriban.  They made there way to the pool,  she was watering the flowers that lined the patio. He was instantly transported back some 30 years. His only true love, the love that he lost but couldn’t forget.  She was chattering about the beautiful flowers, and had they had multiplied in blooms, she turned to see Aziz standing a mere 8 feet away from her. The look between the two was electrified, it was broke by the sound of Sanem, ” Mihriban, are you ok.”  Do you know each other. ”  Can and her both looked at one another in astonishment. 

” Azizbey, are you ok. ”  Sanem asked. He looked at her with a smile and said, ” Better than you’ll ever know, ”  He reached his and for Mihriban and whispered, ” My beautiful Mihriban, the love of my life, what have I done to be awarded such a gift. ”  Mihriban smiled and with a slight giggle, took his hand, ” Aziz, my one and only, where have you come from,”  The gift is surely mine and I’m delighted. ”  Can and Sanem both glanced at each other, with raised eyebrows, not sure what they had just witnessed, but knew it had to be something special.  

The four sat by the pool, while Mihriban explained to Aziz about her home and how she made a life for herself there. The air was thick with anticipation as Can ask his dad how the two had met and what had caused their separation.  Aziz and Mihriban gazed at each other, as he told them the love story of their lives. The separation, he said, was caused by deception and misunderstandings. It was something that has haunted and tortured him for the biggest part of his life.  He stated, ”  You only have one love in your life, when you find that love it’s what you do with it that will define you forever.”  He held her hand and they renewed the feeling they once had.   

Can and Sanem, smiled, looking at the couple, so happy………

If their love would stand all these years, and past the test as true..

Maybe……..

Chapter 10

Sanem was engrossed in the reunion of Azizbey and Ms.Mihriban,  it was quite romantic. The ring of her phone forced her back to reality. Looking at her phone, seeing it was Kai, she excused herself from the group to take the call. She answered the phone as she was walking back to her home, ” Hello Kai, how are you. ”  He was the only person to keep her on track, she depended on him to take care of all her appointments, probably not the best thing for her but he didn’t mind.    Kai answered,   ” Sanem my dear, I’m calling to remind you of the engagement tomorrow with the university, you do remember don’t you. ”  She had recalled the appointment and was looking forward to it.  ” Absolutely Kai,  i remember and I’m  looking forward to it, are you joining me. ”  She asked.  He always felt better if he accompanied her on things of this manner,  at times she would lose her focus and ramble on about things a little too personal.  He replied, ” Yes I will meet you there. Now this could turn into a weekly session, that is if you think you could handle the schedule.  With your other obligations, if it turns out to be to much, we can always back off a bit. ”  She hadn’t told him about Can’s return yet,  actually he knew very little about her relationship with Can. She had revealed nothing more than, it was a love that had fallen apart and she was in reset mode.  

Can was of course curious about the phone call, and her immediate disappearance.  There was so much about her he had lost. He was ready to pickup where things left off, but he knew that couldn’t be the case. There was so much more to her now, she had layers now. Before she was just Sanem, a girl with dreams of writing her book and traveling the world. Now with the ups and downs of her life, he had to tread lightly, peeling back each layer one at a time. This independent, strong willed and determined woman, that he saw now,  had a different outlook on life.  She was not so much into pleasing everyone, as she was into being pleased. She had a future, a career and she was in high demand, making her able to accept or decline what may come. She was in control of her destiny.  She really didn’t need him anymore………

He excused himself from his dad and Ms. Mihriban, as they reminisced their days together, they barely noticed his departure. He made his way to the agency meeting table, there Deren and CeyCey were busy discussing the proper way to contact some of their old clients. They welcomed Can and stated to fill him in on the possibilities that had come up for a new client.  He’s mind wasn’t in it, but they continued to tell him. He was deep in thought of Sanem, he needed to finish their talk and tell her what Emre had said. Was she willing to meet with him and start the healing process between them…

As the day ended and she had avoided Can most of the evening,  she took her notebook and went to her favorite  place in the garden.  She lit the candles, the fire was going in the fire pit, this was where she drew her inspiration. Her thoughts couldn’t run away from her there, she didn’t want them to. She felt everything there, hurt, pain, betrayal and the loneliness. Most of all the loneliness, this time of day and this place, she lived it more than any other time. The separation from her former life made her sad, it had been months since she had gone to her neighborhood, she had talked to her parents and they begged her to return home, but her heart had been broken by her brother-in-law and her sister had failed to see his faults.  She would survive it, and be stronger for it, but it still hurt…

She felt his presence as he came to the garden, he always made her weak and defenseless. He knelt in front of her, with that marvelous physique and tan skin, his hair long and flowing, it was unbelievable that a person could have such charisma. She gathered her wits and her heart, that had fluttered about in a frenzy, and smiled.  She spoke her words as firmly as she could, ”  Can, welcome,  how are you tonight. ”  This a beautiful evening, don’t you agree. ”  She glanced around at the stars that glitter like sequins. Can didn’t answer, just looked into her eyes with that gaze that that would make any woman sweat. She had to make herself look away. He was fully aware of the way he stirred the feelings of a woman, how that certain look made them melt into a hot mess. She had a major fight going on with herself a that moment, just staying in control was her main goal…With her feelings somewhat under control, she asked him how his  meeting with Emre went.  She could tell by the look on his face, and the rolling of his eyes that wasn’t what had in mind to talk about.  But he answered sharply, ” Well Emre is real good at passing things off, but I think he really is sorry for causing you pain. He would really like to meet with you to apologize and maybe, clear everything up. And Leila, has missed you terribly, and is ready to patch things up. ”  Can continued, ” But this entirely up to you, know one would blame you if didn’t want to. Sanem had very mixed feelings about Emre,  but she would love to regain her relationship with sister and parents.  She had always had a very forgiving heart, but with all the things she had been through, her attitude had changed some. She assured Can she would give it a good deal of thought.

Can was ready to change the subject to a more important topic. He wanted to finish the talk they had started the night before. With him learning about Huma and Yigit, the rest of the talk got pushed aside. He intently gazed at Sanem saying, ” Sanem, I have told you how sorry I am for the way I left things with you. I was broken and totally crushed, that would believe Yigit over me. I know now I should have stayed and proved my love for you. My love that has never wavered, it has never weakened. It is what kept me alive for this past year. ”  Sanem, tell me your feelings, let me into your life again.” He cried

Sanem knew what he wanted to hear……

But what if she couldn’t say that?…

Chapter 11

Her mind had a thousand things rushing through it. After a few minutes she tried to put into words, the feelings that raged in her heart, ” Can I know you have remorse for what you did, to Yigit and to me. But now you can forgive yourself for the guilt of hurting Yigit. ” And as for us Can, I have forgiven you, as a matter of fact, I have forgiven both of us for what we did to each other. You have just returned and it’s not easy for me to think of “us” again. ” I’m not able to process things so quickly any more, when it comes to the affairs of the heart.”  Can looked down, with a smirked he said, ” So you’re saying it’s to soon for to know if you want a relationship or not, right, is that you’re saying. ” He looked at her with those sad puppy dog eyes, those eyes that said he had lost everything. She would not let him intimidate her, what he wanted from her was something she couldn’t give right now. Her career was just gearing up and she had a lot of responsibilities, and she had covered up those feelings in her heart, she buried them deeper. If she was to ever feel them again, her soul had to heal.

He shook his head, as in agreement, understanding what she was saying. He didn’t like it, but he did understand it. Although he had been through a lot of emotions himself, in the past year, it was emotions of the heart. Sanem had been through that and, the emotion of having her character defiled. Her pride had been damaged, leaving her unable to trust her feelings. This would be a test of his patience and his devotion to her, to let her find her way back to him. He would stay there, work with the guys at the agency, be close to her and let it happen. He didn’t have a choice, because he couldn’t leave her again.

The talk was good, she knew he was trying to be supportive. They said their goodnights, as she explained her work schedule for the next day. She had a full day and needed to get some sleep. The engagement at the university would be something different, she hoped she would be able to assist them with their writing skills. Her abilities had always channeled through her heart, she wrote what her heart was feeling, at times it was very exhausting to pull all those emotions. But she knew that made her writings true and believable. As she got ready for bed she envisioned Can, he was confused by her actions, But that was the way it had to be. She was a whole different person, with the exception of her heart, it was still full of Can Divit, and always would be.

The next few days were very busy, she met herself coming and going. Can was letting her have her space, but always there, watching, supporting her and praising her. The agency had gained back an old client and they were also busy working up a campaign for them. Aziz and Mihriban, were living the best life possible. Their renewed love was beaming with possibilities. She was debating the fact of meeting with Emre, she really wanted to heal that part of her heart. The bad feelings had ate away at her, and if she didn’t do it now, it just might be to late. She didn’t want to involve Can in the decision making, so she visited Azizbey. They talked about many things when they met, most of all Can, she found him quite easy to talk to. He listened to her, with understanding and empathy. He told her to listen to her heart and it would know. He was pleased she was willing to give Emre another chance, knowing he didn’t deserve it, but Sanem needed to reunite herself with her family. The pain of being separated from them had taken a toll on her. She would never return to her old neighborhood, for her home was there, with the flowers, the fresh air, and the clear nights. This place that let her relive her former life, in her dreams  whenever she wanted. They planned for Azizbey to set up the meeting with Emre, she wanted to meet with him alone first, just to be able to talk freely. She didn’t want her sister or Can there. Her and Emre’s problems had always been very secretive. From the first day at the agency, he used her, lying and manipulating her. In fact he had ruined her life, and to forgive him would be hard.  But they had to find a middle ground, for the sake of her family.

Azizbey had reached out to Emre, relaying the message from Sanem. She would like to meet, alone, away from everyone. They decided on the coast, it had always been a place of calming for her. There was plenty of places there for privacy. They would meet the next day after her meeting with Kai. The plans for the new book we’re talking shape and they needed to go over all the options.  Kai had big Ideas, and the publishing house was on board, willing to go all the way with this project. The news from Kai met with mixed feelings from Sanem, with her life in limbo and Can expecting to resume their relationship, her decisions were going to be hard ones. She made her way to the pier to meet with Emre, her head still processing the projected plans. He was already there, waiting, as she watched him for a second, remembering just before Can left and how supportive and caring he had been. They had seemed to put all their deference’s aside and actually liked each other. What had happened, why did he let Huma influence him so. Well, that’s what I’m going to find out, she thought….He turned and saw her walking his way, she was really a very beautiful person, he knew why Can had fallen so deeply in love with her. He stood to greet her, with a kiss on each cheek, she relaxed a bit and thought, maybe things can work out, it had before.

She could see the genuineness in his eyes, she felt he was talking from his heart and it made her feel good. Revealing to her that he had such feelings of jealousy towards his brother and the way his life always had been. He also became jealous of her also. He let his mother taint his thoughts, he knew the truth about Yigit and Polen but had remained silent. He feared the fallout from his mother, so he kept quite. Apologizing to her for all he had put her through, begging her to forgive him and let them start anew. The apology seemed heartfelt and sincere, she would give him another chance, mainly for the sake of her sister. Telling him how humiliated she had been and hurt by his mother, thinking that she and Emre had a good relationship she was devastated when he turned on her and made her life hell. She would give him only one chance, hoping he would take it to heart and change his ways. 

She was relieved and hopeful for them. One less burden that had been weighing on.

This life of hers was becoming more…..Her

Chapter 12

Sanem took a taxi home, with her heart a little lighter. She would call her sister, maybe they could meet for lunch and reconnect. Her mind was full of information about the book promotions that Kai had told her about. The interest in her new book had peaked and they offers were flying in. There was so much, she had a hard time believing it. So many speaking engagements, the idea of mentoring students at the university in Istanbul, had sparked interest abroad as well. It was a lot, especially with Can arriving and them trying to deal with there feelings. She knew he shouldn’t really be a factor in any decisions about her career, but he was. He was a big part of her life and would remain that way, know matter if they were together or not. She would always be connected to him. There had been so much hurt in their life together, they both needed to heal.

The day had been exhausting, she was tired and ready for a shower and maybe a glass of wine. She had barely got inside her door when Can walked in. His look told her, he knew about her meeting Emre. Can tilted his head to the side in a questioning manner saying, ” Why didn’t you let me know you were going to see Emre today,” I would have gone with you.” He said.  Sanem sighed, ” I know Can, that’s why I didn’t tell you, I wanted to meet with him alone.” I needed to be able to speak frankly with him.” Can was clearly upset, ” Sanem, why are you continuing to shut me out.” I’m here to help and protect you, but you block my every attempt. ”  Sanem needed for him to understand, he didn’t have to protect her anymore, she was capable of handling things on her own, but how did she do that without hurting him. Azizbey interrupted their discussion, with an invitation for Sanem to join them for dinner. He explained the Mihriban had prepared a wonderful table and wanted to share it with her.  Can said, ” Sanem please come, it will me great. Some time together, that’s what we need.”  She couldn’t refuse, but she needed to shower and and freshen up first. She would be there in 30 minutes.  Finally, Can thought, some time together, maybe we can finish our talk after dinner. 

Sanem was thinking as she dressed for dinner, finally some time together, maybe we can talk after dinner. She would tell him about the book preparations, she had to clear the air. The dinner was lovely, it was quite the feast, Can totally enjoyed it all. They had tea afterwards and sat by the pool. Can asked her how the talk with Emre went. She explained the talk, and that she was giving him one more chance, she was ready to put it all behind her. Can was relieved but still held Emre responsible for causing Sanem so much pain. Now, the less hear about Huma, the better. He hoped he never had to deal with her again. The thought of her getting off  with what she did, infuriated him.

Azizbey and Ms. Mihriban very conveniently, retired for the evening shortly after they had their tea, leaving Can and Sanem alone. Sanem decided this was just as good a time as any to reveal her possible plans. 
” Can I need to talk to you about my future plans.” She stated. ” They may come as a surprise to you, but with the second book almost done the publishing house has set an extensive promotion event abroad. They would like for me to start my speaking engagements before the release of the book, so that means in a few weeks. ”  Can sat quietly, staring at her,knowing full well what was coming. She was moving on, making a life without him. She avoided his eyes, she knew they would be full of hurt, but it had to be. Sanem continued, ” The transcript will be delivered to Kai in a few days and then process will be under way, it looks like I’ll be gone on engagement tours for about 3 months.” Their will be other appointments along the way also.  She took a deep breath, letting herself finally look at Can, his eyes were closed, his face solemn.  ” Can, will you say something. I’m sorry but this is for the best.”  She whispered.  He slowly opened his eyes, with a pain deep as a pain could be, he asked, ” Sanem why have you chosen to do this, I know my actions in the past hurt you, and for that I’m truly sorry.” My heart overflows with love for you, our love is true, and a forever love.” Are you really willing to throw that all away. We can make this work.”

Sanem’s heart was breaking but she had to hold strong. Can didn’t give her time to speak but continued,” Let’s go, we’ll go together, you can write another book and I’ll take photos of all the wonderful and exotic places we will travel to.” I need to have you with me, my very existence depends on you.” My reason to be on this earth , is to be  with you, to touch you, smell you, feel you. It keeps my heart beating. Please don’t push me out.”  He knew she had already made her decision, but he still pleaded for her to reconsider. Sanem, with tears streaming from her eyes, took his hand, letting his skin dissolve into hers, she tried to explain, ” Can, my heart still loves you and only you, for the rest of my life. But my soul is wounded, the events that have shaped my life the past year has left me unsure of a lot of things. The only one that I know I can be sure of ..is me….My journey is mine, making my life as full as I can make it.” 
We found the most perfect love at the most imperfect time”….
So move on with your life, find yourself and be happy again. 
His heart was broken, he couldn’t stay knowing they wouldn’t be together, the hurt would be to much.
They parted that night with sadness, and heavy hearts. Her plans were happening soon so she needed to prepare. She didn’t know what Can had planned to do, but she was sure he would leave.  That was his defense mechanism. Can couldn’t think straight, so his first thought was to leave. The next day he told his dad he would continue on with his travels, Sanem was moving on with her life without him. He planned to sail out the next morning early,so they would say their goodbye that night.

Sanem had so many emotions flooding her it was hard to think. Had she done the right thing? Her life would be changed forever, could she do it”……..
The goodbye to his dad was with a heavy heart: ” Dad look after her for me….please…
His dad assured him he would, asking his son, ” Will you return, son?   
” When she needs me; I’ll be here”  Can said with hope in his heart.

Sanem fixed her tea and went to the garden, the stillness made her shiver…..She felt he was gone, and her heart ached

But she would carry on…..
Maybe another place…another time.

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