He Said He Would Always Be There

by grannydew, posted in The Promise Series

Chapter 1

IT HAD TO BE THE WORST DAY SHE HAD EVER SPENT OF THIS EARTH. HER ACTIONS HAD ONCE AGAIN RIPPED TO THE CORE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP. CANS’ INABILITY TO LISTEN OR LET HER EXPLAIN HER INTENTIONS ONCE AGAIN RULED THE SITUATION. HE WAS IRRATIONAL AND BELIGERANT. SPEWING WORDS THAT WERE MEANT TO ONLY HURT. HE WOULD EXCEPT THE JOB FROM POLEN AND LEAVE IMMEDIATELY,  NOT WANTING TO SEE HER AGAIN.

AS SHE MADE HER WAY BACK TO THE AGENCY REELING FROM THE CONFRONTATION AND THE REALIZATION THAT HE NO LONGER WANTED TO HAVE HER IIN HIS LIFE, THE BROKEN PIECES OF HER HEART BEGIN TO HARDEN LIKE TINY PEBBLES. HE MADE HIS CHOICE AND IT WAS CLEAR, SHE WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH AND NEVER HAD BEEN. IN HER HEART OF HEARTS SHE KNEW THIS WAS HOW IT WOULD END. 

REFUSING TO TALK OR EXPLAIN TO ANYONE IN THE OFFICE, SHE HURRIEDLY WROTE HER LETTER OF RESIGNATION AND LEFT IT ON EMRE BEYS DESK. LEILA PLEADING WITH HER TO TALK TO HER AND LET HER KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON.  WITH A DETERMINATION AND HARDNESS HER SISTER HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE SHE REVEALED THAT HER AND CAN WERE OVER HE AND WAS LEAVING WITH POLEN. THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT FOR HER THERE BUT THE BAD MEMORIES AND THE PAIN. 

NEEDING TO ESCAPE THE VIVID REPLAY OF CAN DELIBERATELY AND MALICIOUSLY THROWING THEIR LOVE AWAY, SHE MADE HER WAY TO THE COAST. HAD HE EVER REALLY LOVED HER OR WAS IT ALL A WELL PLAYED ACT. WAS IT JUST TO CONQUER HER AND BREAK HER SINCE SHE HAD SO ADAMANTLY TRIED TO REJECT HIM. THAT WAS SOMETHING HE WASN’T ACUSTOMED TO FROM A WOMAN. BUT WHAT DIFFERENCE DID IT MAKE NOW, SHE HAD MADE A FOOL OF HERSELF AND POLEN WAS THE ONE LAUGHING.

SHE NEEDED TO TALK TO OSMAN, HE ALWAYS KNEW THE RIGHT THING TO SAY. TURNING TO HAIL THE TAXI ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET SHE BLANKLY STEPPED OFF THE CURB AND IMMEDIATELY FELT A CRUSHING AND STABBING BLOW AND THEN IT WENT DARK.

Chapter 2

BOOKING THE NEXT AVAILABLE FLIGHT TO LONDON AND PACKING A SMALL CARRY ON BAG HAD TAKEN LITTLE EFFORT. THE FLIGHT LEFT IN THREE HOURS AND HE SNAGGED THE LAST FIRST CLASS TICKET. HIS MIND WAS NUMB AND ALL HIS ATTENTION WAS  FOCUSD ON FORGETTING HER AND GETTING AS FAR  AWAY FROM ISTANBUL AS POSSIBLE.

HE HAD OPENED UP HIS HEART AND SOUL TO HER, EXCEPTED THE FEELING THAT HE HAD GUARDED HIMSELF FROM ALL THESE YEARS. CONSUMED WITH HER AND HER SCENT ONLY TO BE DECEIVED. IF SHE HAD JUST TRUSTED HIM AND THE ABILITIES OF ALL THE RESOURCES THEY HAD AVAILABLE HE WOULDN’T BE HERE RIGHT NOW. 

LEAVING A NOTE FOR EMRE, VAGUELY REVEALING WHAT HAD HAPPENED BUT NOT EXPLAINING IN DEPTH. “I HAVE LEFT YOU IN CHARGE OF THE COMPANY, JUST WHAT YOU WANTED RIGHT. I WILL NOT RETURN FOR THERE IS NOTHING TO RETURN TO. ALL IS BROKEN.”  AS EMRE READ THE NOTE HE DEVELOPED AN OVERWHELMING FEELING OF LONELINESS. HE HAD NO ONE AND IT WAS OF HIS OWN DOING. THE GUILT TWISTED INSIDE HIM FOR WHAT HE HAD DONE TO SANEM AND HIS BROTHER. HE PAIRED THE NOTE ALONG WITH THE RESIGNATION LETTER FROM SANEM AND PLACED THEM IN HIS DESK. KNOWING IT WAS USELESS HE DIALED HIS BROTHERS NUMBER, BUT IT WAS UNAVAILABLE. THE THOUGHT OF HIS FATHER AND THE WORDS HE HAD LEFT THEM WITH TO ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER, FELL ON HIM AND LEFT HIM WEAK.

CAN RUSHED TO THE AIRPORT, CHECKED IN GOT HIS BOARDING PASS. HE TEXTED THE LONDON OFFICE TO LET THEM KNOW HE WAS ON HIS WAY AND TURNED HIS PHONE OFF AGAIN. HE WANTED ZERO CONTACT WITH ANYONE HERE BUT HIS HEAD WOULD NOT LISTEN AND HIS MIND WAS OVERRUN WITH HER EYES, HER LIPS. ALL THAT HAD BEEN HIS.

TO FORGIVE HAD BEEN AGAINST HIS NATURE, STEMMING FROM HIS MOTHERS TOTAL DISAPPERANCE IN HIS LIFE. TO FORGIVE WOULD HAVE MEANT THAT HE HAD LOVED AND THAT WAS FOREIGN TO HIM.

IT WAS TIME FOR HIM TO BOARD SO HE WALKED TO THE GATE WITH HASTE AND CONFIDENCE, NOT EVEN A GLANCE BACK AT WHAT HIS LIFE HAD BEEN THE LAST MONTHS. THIS WAS THE CAN DIVIT HAD ARRIVED IN ISTANBUL AND THIS WAS THE CAN DIVIT THAT WOULD LEAVE. 

Chapter 3

LEILA CALLED SANEM SEVERAL TIMES WITH NO ANSWER. WORRIED SHE DIALED EMRE TO SEE IF HE HAD HEARD FROM CAN, MAYBE THEY WERE TOGETHER. SHE COULD TELL BY THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE IT WASN’T GOING TO BE GOOD. TELLING HER ABOUT THE NOTE THAT HE FOUND FROM CAN SHE KNEW THAT SANEM HAD BEEN RIGHT IN THINKING IT WAS OVER.

SHE FILLED EMRE IN ON WHAT SHE KNEW HAD HAPPENED AND VOICED HER CONCERN ABOUT SANEM AND THE STATE SHE WAS IN WHEN SHE LEFT THE AGENCY. THE REACTION FROM SANEM WAS SO TOTALLY OPPOSITE FROM HER NORMAL REACTION THAT IT WAS SCARY. THERE FLOWED A HARDENED APPEARANCE TO HER AS SHE LEFT THE OFFICE THAT DAY.  LEILA WAS ANGRY AND HOPING TO GET SOME ANSWERS BUT SHE DESPERATELY NEEDED TO FIND SANEM. 

THE CROWD AROUND HER WAS EXCITED AND NOT SURE WHAT TO DO. THE MAN DRIVING THE CAR JUMPED OUT AND QUICKLY SENT A CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE. SEEING THE BLOOD STREAMING FROM HEAD TERRORIZED HIM, KNOWING NOT TO MOVE HER HE TRIED TO COVERED HER WITH HIS JACKET IN ORDER TO KEEP HER WARM. THE AMBULANCE ARRIVED IN SHORT TIME AND DID A QUICK EVALUATION ON HER BEFORE LOADING HER FOR THE RIDE TO THE HOSPITAL. THE ONLOOKERS WERE ASSURING THE GENTLEMAN DRIVING THAT THERE WAS NOTHING HE COULD HAVE DONE TO PREVENT THE ACCIDENT.

FINDING HER BAG AND BELONGINGS STRUNG ABOUT ON THE STREET, HE GATHERED IT ALL AND  FOLLOWED THE AMBULANCE TO THE HOSPITAL. AS THEY RUSHED HER TO A EXAM ROOM THE EMERGENCY ROOM DOCTOR QUESTIONED THE GENTLEMAN. SIR,  YOUR NAME PLEASE. YES, HE SAID , MY NAME IS YIGIT ERSOZ. DO YOU HAVE INFORMATION ON THE LADY OR DO YOU KNOW HER? HE REPLIED HE DIDN’T BUT DID HAVE HER BELONGINGS. THEY RETRIEVED THEM FROM HIM BEFORE DISAPPEARING DOWN THE HALL. SANEM WAS JUST REGAINING CONSCIOUSNESS AND WAS IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN. THEY GAVE HER SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN BEFORE WHEELING HER DOWN FOR X-RAYS. THE NURSE SCOURED HER PURSE FOR HER PERSONAL INFORMATION TO FIND HER NAME AND NEXT OF KIN. WHEN SANEM WAS BROUGHT BACK TO THE ROOM THEY DRESSED HER LACERATIONS AND THE DOCTOR CAME IN WITH THE X-RAYS. HE EXPLAINED THE INJURES AS SERIOUS BUT NOT LIFE THREATENING. THE NURSE CALLED LEILA FROM SANEMS PHONE TO REPORT THE ACCIDENT TO HER AND LET HER NOW WHERE SHE WAS.

IN A PANIC SHE RUSHED OUT OF THE OFFICE AND TOOK A TAXI TO THE HOSPITAL. DEREN CALLED EMRE TO DELIVER THE MESSAGE FROM LEILA ABOUT SANEM. WHEN LEILA ARRIVED AT  THE HOSPITAL THE DOCTOR MET HER IN THE WAITIG ROOM. HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF, MS AYDEN, I’M DR. BALIK AND I’M TAKING CARE OF YOUR SISTER.  WHILE THE INJURIES ARE SERIOUS THEY ARE NOT AT ALL LIFE THREATENING. SHE HAS 2 BROKEN RIBS ALONG WITH SOME DEEP TISSUE BRUISING ON HER LEFT SIDE. THERE SEEMS TO BE DAMAGE TO THE LOWER VERTEBRAE ALSO THAT WILL TAKE A BIT OF THERAPY, BUT WILL CORRECTED IN TIME. SHE DOES HAVE A NASTY LACERATION ON HER CHEEK THOUGH, IT MIGHT LEAVE A SCAR. LEILA TRYING TO TAKE IT ALL IN FELT HERSELF LOSING CONTROL, SHE NEEDED HELP TO PROCESS EVERYTHING. EMRE STEPPED OFF THE ELEVATOR AND SHE ALL BUT FELL INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING. HE IMMEDIATELY ASSUMED THE WORST AND TRIED TO CONSOLE HER AS BEST HE COULD. THE DOCTOR REINFORCED THE FACT SHE WASN’T IN DANGER BUT WOULD BE VERY SORE AND NEED A LOT OF TIME TO RECOVER. 

ASKING IF SHE COULD SEE HER THE DOCTOR ASK IF SHE WOULD WAIT UNTIL THEY MOVED HER TO HER ROOM. THEY WOULD BE KEEPING HER FOR A FEW DAYS . YIGIT HAD BEEN LISTENING AND WAITING FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK WITH LEILA. TELLING HER HOW SORRY HE WAS BUT THERE WASN’T ANYTHING HE COULD HAVE DONE. THEY HAD DECIDED TO WAIT UNTIL SANEM WAS IN HER ROOM BEFORE CALLING HER PARENTS FOR THEY WOULD BE TO UPSET TO SEE HER IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM.  EMRE RELUCTANTLY ASKED LEILA IF THEY SHOULD CALL CAN. SHE QUICKLY REPLIED NO!! ABSOLUTELY NOT, THATS THE LAST THING SHE NEEDS.

Chapter 4

DR. BALIK CONTINUED TO SIT WITH SANEM AS THEY WAITED FOR AN OPEN ROOM. HEARING THE ACCOUNTS THAT HAD TAKEN PLACE  BEFORE THE ACCIDENT WE WONDERED WHAT HAD HER SO DISTRACTED THAT SHE DIDN’T HEAR OR SEE THE CAR. HE WAS INTRIGUED WITH HER AND THE URGE TO STAY CLOSE TO HER FILLED HIM. WHAT AS EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL GIRL, IT WAS A SHAME SHE WAS GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH PAIN. THE ROOM WAS READY FOR HER AND THE DR. ARRANGED THE MOVE AND FOLLOWED ALONG WITH HER. STILL SLIGHTLY GROGGY FORM THE PAIN MEDS SHE TOLD HIM HE THE BEST DOCTOR EVER AND ALSO THE BEST LOOKING. SHE WOULD BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT THAT LATER BUT HE LAUGHED AND TOLD HER HE APPRECIATED HER KIND WORDS.

LEILA WAS FINALLY ABLE TO SEE HER AND IT TOOK HER BY SURPRISE AT THE SCRAPES AND BRUISING ON HER FACE. THE DR ASSURED HER THE MOST OF THEM WERE SUPERFICIAL AND WOULD HEAL QUICKLY, BUT THE CUT MIGHT NOT. THANKING HIM FOR ALL HIS ATTENTION, SHE SAT WITH SANEM THANKING GOD FOR HIS MERCY. 

EMRE WAITED FOR SANEM’S PARENTS AT THE ELEVATORS TO BRING THEM TO HER ROOM. VISIBLY UPSET THEY CRIED AND HUGGED HER VOWING HER THEIR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. SANEM ENSURED THEM SHE INTENDED TO BE UP AND AROUND IN SHORT ORDER, LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. THEY FROWNED AT HER WITH DOUBT AS JUST THE ACT OF LAUGHING MADE HER WRENCH IN PAIN. 

EMRE MADE ALL THE REPORTS TO THE AGENCY OF HER CONDITION, GUARANTEEING THEM ALL WOULD BE WELL. DEREN INQUIRED ABOUT CAN ASKING IF HE WOULD RETURN AND DID HE KNOW ABOUT SANEM. EMRE EXPLAINED THE LAST WORD HE RECEIVED FROM HIM STATED HE WOULD NOT RETURN AND THE FAMILY REQUESTED HE NOT BE INFORMED OF SANEMS ACCIDENT.

AS THE VISITING HOURS WERE CLOSING AND THE FAMILY WAS BEING ASKED TO LEAVE, SANEM DREADED THIS TIME OF BEING LEFT ALONE. THE THOUGHTS OF HIM AND THE DESIRE TO HAVE HIM WITH HER NOW CREPT IN. SHE REMEMBERED HOW HE SOOTHED HER  BODY AND SOUL JUST BY HIS TOUCH. SHE KNEW HE HAD LEFT FOR SHE FELT HIS VOID AND THAT PAINED HER MORE THAN HER CUTS AND BRUISES.

HIS SHIFT WAS OVER BUT HE COULDN’T BRING HIMSELF TO LEAVE. CHANGING INTO STREET CLOTHES HE RETURNED TO HER ROOM TO CHECK HER VITALS. HE WATCHED HER SLEEP AND THE PROBLEMS THAT PLAGUED HER SEEMED TO CALL TO HIM. HE SAT FEELING THE NEED TO KEEP HER SAFE. SHE WAS RESTLESS AND CALLED OUT A NAME, “CAN WHY CAN’T YOU LISTEN, WHY DID YOU PICK HER”.  HE KNEW HE SHOULD LEAVE BUT SHE PULLED AT HIS HEART STRINGS WITH HER VULNERABILITY. SOMEONE HAD HURT HER AND LEFT HER UNBALANCED. 

SANEM TRIED TO MOVE, JUST TO SHIFT HER WEIGHT A LITTLE, BUT IT CAUSED HER A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN. SHE MOANED WHICH STARTLED HIM AND HE JUMPED FROM THE CHAIR WHERE HE HAD FELL ASLEEP.  THAT IN TURN STARTLED HER AND MADE THE PAIN WORSE. HE BEGIN TO CHECK VITALS AGAIN AND CALLED THE NURSE TO REQUEST PAIN MEDS. AFTER A MINUTE SHE REGAINED HER COMPOSURE AND ASKED IF HE HAD BEEN THERE LONG . HE EXPLAINED HE CAME TO CHECK ON HER AND ACCIDENTALLY FELL ASLEEP, PASSING IT OFF AS WORKING EXTREMELY LONG HOURS. THE WHOLE SCENARIO PLAYED OUT AS QUITE COMICAL AND THEY HAD A LAUGH ABOUT IT. HE HELPED HER TO GET ADJUSTED IN BED AND READY FOR HER BREAKFAST.

SHE WASN’T SURE WHY BUT SHE WAS QUITE COMFORTABLE WITH HIM AND FOUND HIM EASY TO TALK TO. SHE NEEDED THE DISTRACTION, IT HAD BEEN A NIGHT FULL OF DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES. HE EXCUSED HIMSELF TO GO CHANGE AND START HIS DAY BUT ASKED IF HE COULD CHECK ON HER LATER. SHE AGREED AND WAVED GOODBYE AS HER BREAKFAST MADE IT WAY TO HER. HER APPETITE EVADED HER AND THE PAIN MEDICATION OFFERED HER SLEEP BUT NOT SO MUCH THE REST. HER DREAMS OF HIM WERE FULL AND EMBODIED WITH GRIEF CAUSING HER TO THRASH AROUND IN BED. THE PAIN JOLTED HER AWAKE FROM HER VISION OF THE LAST CONVERSATION THEY HAD TOGETHER, WHICH WASN’T REALLY A CONVERSATION, BUT MERELY CAN LASHING OUT AT HER IN ANGER. 

MAYBE SHE JUST WOULDN’T SLEEP AND THEN SHE WOULDN’T DREAM….

Chapter 5

FIVE DAYS AFTER LEAVING ISTANBUL CAN WAS IN A REMOTE VILLAGE IN NORTH CENTRAL CAMBODIA. HIS ASSIGNMENT OF PHOTOGRAPHING AS MUCH OF THE VILLAGE AS HE WAS ALLOWED TOOK A LOT OF IMAGINATION. THE PEOPLE WERE CURIOUS AND DEFINITELY WILLING TO BE A PART THE EXPERIENCE. HE TOOK HIS TIME AND CREATED HIS STORY OF THEIR WAY OF LIFE. IN THE DAY HE CAPTURED THE SPIRIT OF THE PEOPLE AND FOLLOWED THEM AS THEY WENT ABOUT THEIR LIVES.

AT NIGHT HE LAID IN HIS TENT IN A TORTUROUS REWIND OF WHAT HE LEFT BEHIND. IF HE CLOSED HIS EYES HE SAW HER,  IF HE WAS AWAKE HER SAW HER . HE KNEW IT WAS A TRICK OF HIS MIND BUT HER SMELL STAYED FOREVER IN HIS HEAD. 

PRAYING THIS TO LEAVE HIM AND ALLOW HIM SOME PEACE, HE WONDERED HOW  SHE WAS DEALING WITH HIS DEPARTURE. THEIR LIFE TOGETHER COULD HAVE BEEN A JOYOUS TIME, IF SHE HAD TRUSTED HIM TO TAKE CARE OF FABRI HIMSELF. HE WOULD USE THIS TIME TO REGAIN HIS SOLITUDE DETACHMENT OF ANY COMMITMENT.

THEY TRAVELED ON TO THE NEXT VILLAGE AND REPEATED THE SAME PROTOCOL. THE PICTURES SHOWING THE STRENGTH OF THE NATIVES, IT GAVE HIM PLEASURE TO REVEAL ALL THE SECRETS THAT WERE HIDDEN THERE. 

WITH ALL OF THAT,  AT NIGHT HE WAS TRANSPORTED BACK TO ISTANBUL, SITTING ALONG THE COAST NEXT TO HER. THE DREAMS WERE AS REAL AS THE AIR HE WAS BREATHING. THE CRAZINESS OF IT CONTROLLED HIM, FORCING HIM TO LINGER IN HIS DREAMS LONGER AND LONGER EACH NIGHT.  THE SLIPPING AWAY INTO A PEACEFUL SLEEP WAS QUICKLY BECOMING THE BEST PART OF HIS DAY. 

AS THE WEEKS DRAGGED ON AND THE DREAMS OF HOME, AND HER, PLAYED ON IN HIS MIND HE LONGED TO FEEL HER TOUCH. NOT ABLE TO STAND THE VOID OF HER, HE TOOK HIMSELF BACK TO THE NIGHT AT THE HUT. HE LET THE HURT AND DISAPPOINTMENT HE FELT THAT NIGHT REVISIT HIS HEART. SHE BROKE THEIR CONNECTION, BUT IT WAS UP TO HIM TO SEVER THE TIES THAT BOUND HIS HEART.

THE ASSIGNMENT WAS NEARING THE END AND HE WAS TO RETURN TO LONDON. WITH NEGOTIATIONS ONGOING FOR HIS RETURN TO SIR LANKA, HE PLANNED TO WAIT IT OUT IN LONDON. THIS LAST SIX MONTHS HAD BEEN TORTURE AND HE KNEW HE WASN’T READY TO GO BACK TO ISTANBUL. 

Chapter 6

THE THERAPY HAD TRULY BEEN THE HARDEST THING FOR SANEM TO ENDURE. WITH THE OTHER INJURES HEALING NICELY SHE CONCENTRATED ON THE PHYSICAL SIDE OF THINGS. THE FACT OF HAVING TO COMMIT TO A CANE FOR THE TIME BEING HAD HER MORE DETERMINED THAN EVER TO CONQUER HER DAMAGED BODY. THE CUT ON HER FACE, THOUGH HEALED IT DID LEAVE A SCAR. WAS IT THERE TO REMIND HER OF ALL THE HURT OF HER HEART, TO KEEP IT IN A STATE OF DISREPAIR OR POSSIBLY TO GIVE HER THE STRENGTH TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FAILINGS OF OTHERS THAT WERE BEYOND HER CONTROL. SHE EMBRACED WHAT SHE HAD BEEN DEALT WITH DIGNITY AND HAD NO SHAME FOR IT. 

IF THERE WAS ANY ONE THING THAT CENTERED HER TO WORK HARD TO REPAIR WHAT WAS BROKEN IN HER, IT WAS OMER. HE HAD BECOME MUCH MORE THAN JUST HER DOCTOR. HE SUPPORTED HER, YET GENTLY PUSHED HER TO SURPASS THE OBVIOUS STATE OF HER BODYS SHORTCOMINGS. THE MIND WAS OF MUCH MORE IMPORTANCE TO OMER THAN THE WORKINGS OF HER BODY. THE PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DULLNESS IN HER EYES, THE UNHAPPINESS IN HER VOICE AND THE FIERCE UNFALTERING WILL TO RESTORE HERSELF TO AS SHE WAS BEFORE, WAS THE REASON HE WOULD NOT LEAVE HER SIDE. 

SANEM WAS HAPPY AND GAINING HER STRENGTH BACK, PERHAPS EVEN MORE THAN BEFORE. OMER MADE SURE SHE FOLLOWED EACH AND EVERY RULE THE THERAPIST SET UP FOR HER.  HE SPENT ALL OF HIS OFF DUTY TIME WITH HER AND HER FAMILY. NOT HAVING ANYONE CLOSE TO HIM HERE, THEY QUICKLY BECAME HIS LIFELINE TO HAPPINESS. THE MONTHS OF HARD WORK WAS PAYING OFF FOR HER AND THE DEPENDENCE ON HIM FOR MEDICAL ATTENTION HAD SUBSIDED. STILL SEEING THE EFFECTS OF HER HEARTBREAK,  HE CONTINUED TO SUPPORT AND PROTECT HER WITH A DEMANDING PRESENCE.

THE FRIENDSHIP HAD SEEMED TO MOVE PAST FRIENDLY.  FOR HIM, OF COURSE, THE PATH TO HER HEART LAY STRAIGHT AND FIRM, BUT FOR SANEM THE PATH STILL VERVED TO THE SOUL OF ALL THAT WAS GOOD AND BAD IN HER LIFE. THE MERE DISTANT THOUGHT OF CAN STILL BROUGHT HER STAGGERING PAIN. AT TIMES SHE RELIVED THE THOUGHTS, AS IF IT WAS A BAD FILM, WITH SAME ENDING OF GUILT AND ABANDONMENT. WHY HAD HE CHOSE NOT TO UNDERSTAND, NOT LISTEN, NOT TO LOVE HER NO MATTER WHAT. THAT WAS WHAT HE TOLD HER ON THE NIGHT SHE CONFESSED HER LOVE TO HIM. THEY COULD HAVE WITHSTOOD THE TRIALS OF THEIR LOVE IF POLEN HAD’NT IMPOSED HER OFFER TO HIM. AH SANEM AH, JUST LOOK AHEAD FOR YOUR RENEWAL OF SPIRIT AND SOUL. THE HEART WILL SURELY FOLLOW IF YOU KEEP AN OPEN MIND.

LEILA PRAYED FOR THE RETURN OF HER ONCE EXUBERANT SISTER. SHE WAS NOW MORE INWARD AND THOUGHTFUL OF ALL THAT OCCURRED. SHE COULD SEE THE QUIET FEELINGS THAT HAD BEFORE BEEN HAPPILY HEARTFELT.  IF SHE WOULD JUST GIVE OMER A CHANCE TO MAKE HER FORGET, IF THAT WAS POSSIBLE. BUT SHE HAD TO TRY, SHE HAD TO ACCEPT WHAT WAS DONE. 

EMRE ALSO WISHED THE BEST FOR SANEM. FOR IT WAS AT HIS HAND THAT ALL THE MISFORTUNES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPED.  KNOWING HE COULDN’T TAKE ANYTHING BACK, HE SHOULDERED THE BLAME THAT DESTROYED HIS BROTHER AND SANEM. HOPING SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO MOVE ON WAS SHADOWED BY THE SECRET DESIRE FOR HIS ABI TO RETURN AND CLAIM WHAT WAS HIS.

OMER AND SANEM LOOKED TO BE THAT OF A PERFECT COUPLE. HE HOVERED OVER HER WITH UNDYING ATTENTION, ALMOST RESPONDING BEFORE SHE EVEN KNEW SHE HAD A NEED. HE LOVED HER WITHOUT CONTROL OR SENSOR. THE AFFECTION MET WITH A BIT OF EMBARRASSMENT ON HER PART. SHE FELT A CONNECTION TO HIM, BUT WAS IT THE RIGHT KIND OF CONNECTION. STILL SHE NAVIGATED THE ROAD OF MOVING ON, IN HOPES  THE DETOURS OF HER HEART DIDN’T LOSE HER WAY.

Chapter 7

THE HOTEL ROOM WAS NICE AND LARGE. HE HAD SELECTED A SUITE SO AS TO BE A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE WHILE WAITING FOR THE JOB ASSIGNMENT TO BE FINALIZED. A WEEK HAD PASSED, WITH LIMITED CONTACT TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD. HE WAS AVOIDING HIS OLD FRIENDS HERE IN LONDON IN ORDER TO BYPASS THE UNCOMFORTABLE RUN IN WITH POLEN. THAT WAS WHAT HE MOST DREADED. 

THE THOUGHT OF HIS BROTHER HAD HIM A LITTLE HOMESICK, WONDERING ABOUT THE AGENCY AND HOW EVERYONE WAS DOING. THOSE QUESTIONS CIRCLED AROUND IN HIS MIND FOR QUITE SOME TIME, MAKING HIM NERVOUS AND ON EDGE. I NEED TO CALL AND CHECK IN BEFORE I LEAVE HERE, I’LL GIVE IT A COUPLE OF HOURS FOR THE TIME CHANGE THEN CALL. 

HE BUSIED HIMSELF WITH SOME LAST-MINUTE PAPERWORK AND LOOKING BACK THROUGH HIS CAMERA AT SOME OF THE BEST PHOTOS FROM THE LAST SHOOT. SCROLLING BACK, HER PHOTO JUMPED UP FROM HIS CAMERA, IT WAS LIKE SOMETHING IN 3-D OR LIKE I HAD CAME ALIVE. HE DROPPED THE CAMERA ON THE TABLE, STARING AND HOLDING HIS BREATH. “WHERE DID THAT COME FROM,” HE WHISPERED, BARELY AUDIBLE. IT WAS AT THE PIER, THE DAY HE HAD FIRED DEREN FOR GIVING CAMPAIGN INFO TO AYLIN. HER SMILE RADIATED OFF THE SCREEN.  SHE WAS BECKONING HIM WITH HER EYES, HE REMEMBERED IT LIKE IT WAS JUST HAPPENING. ALL THE NERVES IN HIS BODY FIRED AND HE HAD TO WALK AWAY. 

HE STOOD ON THE BALCONY, HOLDING THE RAILING TO STEADY HIMSELF.  ” HOW DID THAT PICTURE GET THERE, HE TORE THROUGH HIS THOUGHTS,” I HAVE LOOKED BACK ON THOSE PICTURES MANY TIMES AND THAT ONE WAS NEVER THERE. ” I HAVE TO CALM MYSELF DOWN, MAYBE IT WAS JUST MY IMAGINATION.” HE LOGICALLY TRIED TO TELL HIS MIND. HE MADE HIS WAY BACK TO THE TABLE TO TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, AND YES, SHE WAS STILL THERE, SMILING, LAUGHING, HE COULD FEEL THE WAY SHE HAD MADE HIM FEEL THAT VERY DAY. MY GOD WHEN WOULD THIS END, WOULD IT ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS. THOSE WERE THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF HIS LIFE, EVEN WITH ALL THE TROUBLE AND OBSTACLES THEY WENT THROUGH, JUST SEEING HER, TOUCHING HER LETTING HER SOOTHING VOICE TOUCH HIS HEART AND TELL HIM ALL WOULD BE OK. 

HE HAD LOST ALL TRACK OF TIME WITH HIS MEMORIES. HE STILL NEEDED TO CALL EMRE. HE CALLED HIS NUMER AND EMRE ANSWERED WITH EXCITEMENT, ” BROTHER HOW ARE YOU, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’VE CALLED.” I HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU”.  CAN LAUGHED, “WHOA ABI, I’M FINE IT’S GOOD TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.”  EMRE QUICKLY ASKED, ” ARE YOU COMING HOME SOON? ” I COULD REALLY USE YOU AROUND HERE.”   CAN HESITATED, ” NOT NOW BROTHER, IT’S TOO SOON.”   ” TOO SOON, HE QUIRKED, IT’S BEEN OVER 6 MONTHS.” CAN SIGHED AND CHANGED THE SUBJECT, ASKING HOW THE AGENCY WAS DOING. EMRE FILLED HIM IN ON THE BUSINESS AND EVERYONE THERE, CEYCEY, DEREN, GULIZE AND LEILA.  CAN LISTENED AND REMINISCED OF THE TIMES THERE THAT HAD MOLDED HIS LIFE INTO THIS TURMOIL AND DESIRE. 

” HOW’S YOUR LIFE LITTLE BROTHER.” CAN TEASED.  THERE WAS A SILENCE AND THEN EMRE TOLD HIM THAT HE HAD BEEN SEEING LEILA AND THEY WERE QUITE SERIOUS. THE NEWS WASN’T A SHOCK TO CAN, HE FELT THERE COULD BE SOMETHING THERE BEFORE BUT NEVER SAID ANYTHING. ” I’M GLAD TO HEAR IT ABI, IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU GOT YOURSELF A GOOD ONE.” CAN EXCLAIMED.  HE WAS HAPPY FOR THEM BUT KNEW IT MEANT THEIR LIVES MIGHT GET EVEN MORE COMPLICATED.  HE ASKED HIM HOW THEY ENDED UP TOGETHER AND EMRE STARTED TELLING HIM THE STORY.  ” AFTER THE ACCIDENT WE STARTED SPENDING MORE AND MORE TIME TOGETHER AND,……..HE STOPPED MID SENTENCE…….. UHHH.  CAN ASKED, ” WHAT ACCIDENT EMRE, DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT? ”  EMRE STUTTERED ABOUT, FINALLY ANSWERED,      ” NO NOT ME. ONE OF THE NEW EMPLOYEES. THEY GOT HIT BY A CAR AND WAS IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.”  CAN WAS IMMEDIATELY CONCERNED AND INQUIRED WHO IT WAS. EMRE EXPLAINED IT WAS A NEW PERSON AND HE WOULDN’T KNOW THEM.

EMRE WAS COMPLETELY STRESSED BY THIS TIME AND DECIDED TO GET OFF THE PHONE. MAKING CAN PROMISE TO CALL AND CHECK IN AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH, THEY SAID THEIR GOODBYES. HE HAD SO WANTED TO ASK ABOUT SANEM BUT KNEW IT WOULD BE BETTER NOT TO.

HER FACE SETTLED IN HIS MIND. THE FEELING THAT HIS SOUL WOULD FOREVER BE WITH HER AND HIS HEART WOULD BE FOREVER BROKEN…..

A FEW DAYS LATER THE JOB DETAILS HAD BEEN PERFECTED AND TRAVEL PLANS CONFIRMED. HE WAS ON HIS WAY IN 24 HRS. HE WAS ANXIOUS TO RETURN TO SRI LANKA. HE HAD STAYED THERE FOR SEVERAL MONTHS HE FIRST TIME AND HAD MADE SOME GOOD FRIENDS. IT WOULD BE GOOD TO SEE THEM AGAIN.

HE PACKED HIS DUFFLE BAG AND CLEANED HIS CAMERA AS HE ALWAYS DID BEFORE LEAVING ON A NEW ASSIGNMENT. HE HADN’T REMOVED HER PICTURE FROM THE CAMERA, IT WAS THERE AND THERE IT WOULD STAY, AS THE ONE THING TO DEFINE HIS LIFE.

Chapter 8

SANEM WAS CRAVING THE THOUGHT OF WORKING AGAIN, OTHER THAN HER DADS SMALL GROCERY STORE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. SHE WAS THANKFUL FOR HAVING ALL THE SUPPORT HER FAMILY GAVE HER BUT IT WAS TIME. THE AGENCY WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION, ALTHOUGH EMRE BEGGED HER ON A DAILY BASIS TO RETURN. SHE HAD NOT ENTERED THE DOORS OF THE AGENCY SINCE THAT DAY, THE DAY CAN CHOSE TO WALK AWAY, WITH EYES BORING INTO HERS, HE CHOSE POLEN. THE HURT, STILL ALL TO RAW FOR HER LIKING, WAS BURIED INSIDE HER. 

THE CONVERSATIONS WITH OMER ABOUT HER GOING BACK TO WORK ALWAYS TOOK A MEDICAL POINT WITH HIM. HE DIDN’T WANT HER TO OVER DO AND POSSIBLY HAVE A RELAPSE. OF COURSE HER WOULD SUPPORT HER IN WHAT EVER SHE WANTED TO DO. HE WAS GLAD SHE WAS ADAMANTLY AGAINST RETURNING TO THE AGENCY, THE FURTHER AWAY SHE COULD BE FROM THAT PLACE THE BETTER HE LIKED IT. HE WAS QUITE AWARE THAT HER FEELINGS FOR CAN STILL LIE JUST UNDER THE SURFACE OF HER MIND. 

HER WRITING HAD TAKEN PRECEDENCE OVER ALL OF HER OTHER ACTIVITIES, IT CONSUMED HER SPARE TIME AND OMER REMAINED BY HER SIDE WITHOUT COMPLAINT. JUST TO SIT AND OBSERVE HER IN THE RITUAL OF DELIVERING HER THOUGHTS TO PAPER MESMERIZED HIM. IT WAS ENOUGH RIGHT NOW TO BE CLOSE TO HER PHYSICALLY, THE CLOSENESS OF THE HEART AND SOUL WOULD TAKE A LITTLE LONGER, HE WANTED IT ALL SO HE WOULD WAIT………

METIN AND SANEM HAD GREW TO BE GOOD FRIENDS WITH BOTH HAVING EXPERIENCED THE HARSH REJECTION OF CAN. THEY FOUND A COMFORT FOR EACH OTHER IN THE ACCEPTANCE OF   KNOWING THAT THEY HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG TO CAN, BUT IN FACT HIS OWN INSECURITIES BROUGHT ABOUT HIS FATE. LEARNING FROM EMRE THAT SANEM WAS IN SEARCH OF A JOB, AND HE WAS SEARCH OF A RECEPTIONIST FOR HIS OFFICE, HE DECIDED TO GIVE HER A CALL.  ” HELLO METIN, IT’S GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN.” SANEM CHIMED.  METIN REPLIED HAPPILY, ” I’VE BEEN GOOD, AND I’M HOPING YOU CAN MAKE IT GREAT IF YOU EXCEPT.”  WITH UNCERTAINTY SANEM ASKED, ” EXCEPT WHAT, MY FRIEND.”  METIN HANDED HER HIS PROPOSAL AND ADDED IN A HEALTHY SALARY TO BOOT, THEN WAITED FOR HER ANSWER.  SHE WAS STUNNED BUT OVERJOYED AT THE POSSIBILITY. SHE EXPLAINED TO HIM SHE HAD LIMITED EXPERIENCE IN THAT KIND OFFICE WORK.  ” THAT’S NONSENSE, HE STATED, ” CAN YOU ANSWER A PHONE?” HE QUIZZED,  ” YES,” SHE REPLIED.  ” CAN YOU WRITE DOWN MESSAGES?” HE ASKED. ” YES,” SHE HUFFED. ” CAN YOU BOOK APPOINTMENTS,” HE SMIRKED.  “YES, OK, OK. I GOT IT, NO NEED TO BE A JERK HONEY.”  SHE SPEWED. HE LAUGHED AND THOUGHT THAT WAS WHAT HE LOVED ABOUT HER MOST, SHE COULD GIVE IT AS WELL AS TAKE IT.

SHE GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED HIS OFFER AND AGREED TO START THE FOLLOWING MONDAY. SHE WAS EXCITED TO TELL HER PARENTS, THEY HAD A FONDNESS FOR METIN AND RESPECTED HIS FRIENDSHIP TO SANEM. THEY MEET THE NEWS WITH  A BIT OF DISAPPOINTMENT AT HER LEAVING THEIR PROTECTING ARMS. KNOWING THIS WAS WHAT SHE WANTED, THEY GAVE THEIR BLESSINGS AND CELEBRATED WITH HER . 

TELLING OMER WOULD BE THE NEXT THING. SHE HADDEN DISCUSSED IT WITH HIM, SHE JUST MADE HER DECISION. THE RELATIONSHIP FOR HIM HAD EVOLVED INTO THE RESPECT OF INVOLVING THE OTHER IN IMPORTANT DECISIONS. SHE DIDN’T KNOW HOW THIS WOULD SET WITH HIM BUT IN THE END IT WAS HER CAREER. SHE KNEW HE WOULD UNDERSTAND………

” DO YOU THINK THAT’S A GOOD IDEA.” HE QUESTIONED. ” HE WAS CAN’S BEST FRIEND YOU REMEMBER,” DOESN’T HE STILL HAVE CONTACT WITH HIM?”  SHE CALMLY RELAYED THE EVENTS THAT HAPPENED THAT DAY AT CAN’S HOUSE AND TOLD HIM THEY HADN’T SPOKEN SINCE. SHE DIDN’T SEE THE PROBLEM. HE ALWAYS ENDED UP GIVING IN TO WHAT EVER SHE WANTED TO DO. NOT WANTING TO UPSET OR DISAPPOINT HER, HE HIDE THE SINKING FEELING OF HER SLIPPING AWAY. 

LEILA MIRRORED THE EXCITEMENT OF SANEM BUT SAD THAT SHE WASN’T RETURNING TO THE AGENCY. THEY COULD ONCE AGAIN GO TO WORK TOGETHER ON THE BUS, WITH METINS OFFICE BEING A FEW BLOCKS FROM THE AGENCY. OMER WAS GLAD ALSO THAT IT WAS A MERE 2 BLOCKS  THE OTHER WAY FROM HIS HOSPITAL. THAT MEANT THEY COULD HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER AND MEET AFTER WORK FOR DINNER. 

THE FIRST WEEK WAS AN EYEOPENER. SHE HAD NO IDEA HIS OFFICE WAS SO BUSY. SHE PUSHED HERSELF INTO HIGH GEAR AND MET THE RESPONSIBILITIES HEAD ON. THE WEEKS FLEW BYE AND HER CAPABILITIES TO DO THE JOB PROVED TO SURPASS ALL OF METINS EXPECTATIONS. HE COULDN’T BE MORE PLEASED WITH HIS DECISION OF HIRING HER. SHE WAS BECOMING A VALUED EMPLOYEE AND THE OFFICE TOOK ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT VIBE. THEY QUICKLY FELL INTO THEIR ROUTINE OF LUNCH TOGETHER WHEN OMER WAS AVAILABLE AND STAYING IN TOWN FOR A QUICK DINNER AFTER WORK.

THE THERAPY CONTINUED BUT WAS LESS INTENSE. SHE WAS STILL RELIANT ON HER CANE AT TIMES. FOR LONG WALKS OR FOR STANDING ON HER FEET FOR A PERIOD OF TIME, IT WAS NECESSARY FOR HER TO USE IT. SHE HAD EXCEPTED THE FACT AND MOVED ON WITH HER LIFE IN SPITE OF IT.  ALL WAS WELL WITH THE WORLD, AS THEY SAY. 

LEILA AND EMRE DELIVERED THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE YEAR WITH THEIR UPCOMING ENGAGEMENT AND PENDING MARRIAGE. THEY HAD WEATHERED SOME DIFFICULT STORMS TO ARRIVE AT THEIR TIME OF HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT. SANEM WAS OVERJOYED FOR THEM BOTH.   

SHE WONDERED WHEN IT WAS HER TIME….

Chapter 9

HE BOARDED THE PLANE TO COLOMBO, SRI LANKA. IT WAS A LENGTHY FLIGHT SO HE TRIED TO GET COMFORTABLE AND GET SOME SLEEP. HE WAS ON THE 9:30AM FLIGHT BUT THE ABSENCE OF SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE HAD MADE IT EASY TO NAP. USUALLY ON A TRIP LIKE THIS HE BRIMMED WITH EXCITEMENT BUT THIS ONE SETTLED ON HIM AS ANXIOUS. IT WAS MORE OF AN UNEASY FEELING, SOMETHING HE HADN’T HAD BEFORE. MAYBE HE WAS JUST TIRED, THE LAST SEVEN MONTHS WERE HARD ON HIM. THE ANGER AND THE GUILT HAD SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF HIM. HER PICTURE HAD STIRRED THE EMOTIONS INSIDE HIM AGAIN, LIKE A VIOLENT STORM. THAT PHOTO AND HER BANDANA KEPT HIS HEART BEATING AND AT THE SAME TIME BREAKING.

AS ALWAYS HE DREAMT OF HER…. THIS TIME THEY WERE IN AGUA RIDING THEIR BIKES. THEY HAD STOPPED ON THE CLIFF BY THE SEA AND SHE WAS TELLING HIM THE STORY OF THE BRIDE TURNED TO STONE. SHE STEPPED TO CLOSE TO THE EDGE AND SHE WAS SLIPPING, I WAS GRABBING AND GRABBING FIERCELY….FRANTICALLY, I COULDN’T CATCH HER.  I WOKE IN A TOTAL PANIC, UNSURE WHERE I WAS. THE PERSON NEXT TO ME WAS JUST AS STARTLED AS I WAS. TRYING TO SHAKE THE MORE THAN VIVID LIFELIKE DREAM, THE ATTENDANT BROUGHT ME A DRINK, A LITTLE EARLY IN THE DAY FOR ONE BUT I NEEDED IT TO WASH DOWN THE FEAR AND MY HEART THAT WERE STUCK IN MY THROAT.

WHAT DID THAT MEAN? DID IT MEAN SOMETHING, WAS SHE IN TROUBLE. MY HEAD ACHED, THE BLOOD PUMPED HARD AND LOUD IN MY EARS. MY HEART WAS BEATING SO HARD IT MADE MY WHOLE BODY JERK.  COME ON DIVIT……CALM DOWN……IT WAS JUST A DREAM, A DREAM, NO A NIGHTMARE. THE THOUGHT OF SLEEP WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION NOW AND ANY POSSIBILITY OF GETTING SANEM OUT OF MY HEAD WAS TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

SIX HOURS LATER THEY LANDED IN COLOMBO. IT WAS LATE SO HE BOOKED A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT. HIS CONTACT PERSON WAS TO PICK HIM UP THE NEXT MORNING TO TAKE HIM TO THE VILLAGE OF MEERMURE. A REMOTE VILLAGE AT HE FOOT OF THE KNUCKLES MOUNTAIN RANGE. HE HAD SPENT A FEW MONTHS THERE TAKING PHOTOS AND LIVING THERE LIFE. IT HAD BEEN AN EXPERIENCE LIKE NONE OTHER. THE PEOPLE WERE KIND AND ACCEPTING OF HIM, A FEW HAD BECOME FRIENDS OF HIS THAT HE VALUED. IT HAD BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE HE LEFT THERE AND WAS READY TO SEE THE CHANGES IN THE VILLAGE.

TRYING TO FOCUS ON THE DRIVE TO THE VILLAGE AND TAKE IN THE BEAUTIFUL SCENERY, IT WAS PROVING TO BE EXASPERATING. THE FEELING OF SERENITY AND CALM THAT HAD FILLED HIM BEFORE WAS NOW VACANT. THEY FINALLY ARRIVED, AND TO HIS SURPRISE NOT A LOT HAD CHANGED. 

HIS FRIEND, HIRUN, WAS THE FIRST TO GREET HIM. HIRUN’S PARENTS HAD TAKEN CAN IN ON HIS PREVIOUS TRIP THERE. THEY TREATED HIM WELL AND HE WAS INDEBTED TO THEM. HEARING THEY HAD BOTH PASSED ON WAS A SHOCK. THEY MADE THERE WAY TO HIRUN’S HOUSE AND ON THE WAY CAN SNAPPED RANDOM SHOTS OF THE PEOPLE, HIS FAVORITE TYPE OF SHOOTING. THEY TWO SAT UP LATE, TALKING AND CATCHING UP.

WITH THE FAMILIAR SUBJECTS HE REINCARNATED THE SHOOT FROM 5 YEARS AGO. BRINGING IT TO LIFE AND MARKING THE IMPACT IT HAD ON HIM.  AS FREEING AS THE SURROUNDING WERE HIS MIND WAS STILL CHAINED TO ISTANBUL AND HIS SOUL SEARCHED HER HER AROUND EVERY CORNER. HE WAS NO LONGER FREE, EVERY INCH OF HIM HAD BEEN CLAIMED AND STAKED AS TAKEN. TO STAY SANE HE WOULD HAVE TO ACCEPT IT AS FACT AND LET IT BLOOM INSIDE HIM, JUST AS THE WILDFLOWERS SHE USED TO MAKE THE SCENT, HER SCENT, THAT SCENT THAT NEVER LEFT HIM.

HE HAD NEARLY COMPLETED THE ASSIGNMENT FOR THE MAGAZINE. EIGHT WEEKS OF SHOOTING EVERY SCENARIO THINKABLE, ALL AVENUES HAD BEEN EXHAUSTED. CAN WANTED TO TAKE SOME PICTURES OF HIS FAVORITE PLACES AROUND THE VILLAGE FOR HIM PERSONALLY. JUST TO KEEP IN HIS ALBUM OF MEMORIES. THEY TOOK A HIKE UP TO THE WATERFALL HE LOVED TO VISIT. BREATHTAKING WAS THE ONLY WORD THAT CAME TO MIND. THEY LINGERED FOR A WHILE AND CAN WISHED SHE WAS THERE WITH HIM TO ABSORB ALL THE BEAUTY THIS PLACE GAVE. HE HAD PROMISED TO SHOW HER THE WORLD BUT YET AGAIN HE WAS ALONE, THINKING OF HER, WITH ONLY HIMSELF TO BLAME.

AS THEY STARTED THE WALK DOWN, HE STOPPED TO SNAP A FLOWER THAT WAS CLOSE TO THE TRAIL. HIS ATTRACTION TO FLOWERS AND CAPTURING THEIR VIBRANCE ON FILM HAD BECOME A NEW OBSESSION FOR HIM. HE STEPPED CLOSER TO GET A CLOSEUP AND LOST HIS FOOTING ON THE STEEP DECLINE. HER BANDANA, THAT WAS ALWAYS ON HIM IN SOME FASHION, WAS TIED ON HIS BELT. A SHARP POINTED LIMB JETTED OUT OF THE BUSH, AND WITH A QUICK JAB, SPEARED THE FABRIC AND RIPPED THE LENGHT OF THE BANDANA. HE INSTANTLY REGAINED HIS  BALANCE AND FLOUNDERED TO FREE THE MATERIAL FROM THE BRANCH. HE WRENCHED AS IN PAIN AND YELLED A FEW PROFANITIES,  HE IMMEDIATELY CROUCHED TO HIS KNEES WITH HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS. HIRUN RAN BACK TO HELP HIM, THINKING HE HAD BEEN HURT. CAN WAS HOLDING THE TORN BANDANA WITH BOTH HANDS WITH HIS FACE BURIED IN IT.  AS IF IN PAIN, HE YELLED, ” HOW COULD THAT HAPPEN, MY GOD, THATS NOT GOOD.”  HIRUN URGED HIM UP AND HELPED HIM DOWN THE SLOPE. VISIBLY UPSET, HE SAT ALONE THINKING OF THE MEANING AND SYMBOLIC DEFINITION THE BANDANA HAD FOR HIM. IT WAS HER, IT WAS ALL HE HAD OF HER THAT HE COULD TOUCH. 

HE KNEW AT THAT INSTANT HE NEEDED TO GO HOME……..NO, HE HAD TO GO HOME!!

Chapter 10

WHEN THINGS IN YOUR LIFE ARE GOING RIGHT THE WHOLE WORLD SEEMS TO ILLUMINATE. THATS THE WAY SANEM PERCEIVED HER EXISTENCE TO BE AT THIS TIME. THE JOB WAS GREAT, SHE WAS DEFINITELY HAPPY WITH THE FRIENDSHIP WITH METIN, THE MONEY HAD ALLOWED HER TO HELP HER PARENTS, FOR WHICH SHE TOOK GREAT PRIDE. AND OF COURSE, HER RELATIONSHIP WITH OMER MEANT THE WORLD TO HER. LEILA AND EMRE WERE THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN AND THE JOINING OF THEIR LIVES BROUGHT JOY BUT ALSO A FEARFUL AND SHUTTERING FEELING. THAT WOULD LINK HER AND CAN TOGETHER UNDER THE ROOF OF A FAMILY AND WASN’T QUITE SURE IF SHE KNEW HOW TO HANDLE THAT. IN HER IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS, SHE DOUBTED IF HE WOULD EVER RETURN BUT IN HER DEEPEST THOUGHTS, SHE PRAYED THAT HE WOULD.

HER AND OMER WERE NEARING THEIR SEVEN MONTH ANNIVERSARY. OMER COUNTED THEIR UNION FROM THE VERY FIRST DAY HE LAID EYES ON HER AND CELEBRATED EACH MONTH LAVISHLY. HE PLANNED A PERFECT EVENING, WITH DINNER, THAT WAS A SURE WAY TO HER HEART. IT WOULD BE SIMPLE AND ROMANTIC; HE HAD DISCOVERED JUST THE IDEAL OUT OF THE WAY PLACE. THE UNIQUE AND TRADITIONAL LITTLE FISH MARKET ON THE COAST HAD THE BEST FISH SANDWICHES, OR SO HE HAD BEEN TOLD. HIS GIFT FOR HER HAD TAKEN A LOT OF THOUGHT, IT HAD TO BE A SOMETHING OF PERSONAL USE TO HER.  NOTHING FANCY OR EXTRAVAGANT YET ELEGANT.

SANEM RUSHED WITH HER WORK OF THE MORNING AND TRIED TO TAKE CARE OF ALL THE LOOSE ENDS. METIN’S BUSINESS HAD DOUBLED AND HIS REPUTATION OF BEING A FAIR AND TRUSTED LAWYER HAD BECOME WEEL KNOWN. SHE WAS PROUD OF HIM AND EQUALLY AS PROUD TO BE WORKING WITH HIM. IT WAS ALMOST LUNCH TIME WHEN METIN HURRIED IN TO PICKUP A FILE AND MAKE IT TO HIS NEXT MEETING. SHE CAUGHT HIM AS HE RUSHED THROUGH AND REQUESTED THE AFTERNOON OFF, IF POSSIBLE. HE HAD COME TO RELAY ON HER SO MUCH IN THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS THAT HE COULDN’T REFUSE HER ANYTHING. THEIR FRIENDSHIP HAD BEEN BORN OUT OF A DEEP SINCE OF LOSS FOR THEM BOTH. THE LOSS OF CAN FROM HIS LIFE COULDN’T HAVE HURT MORE IF IT HAD BEEN CAUSED BY DEATH. IT SHOOK HIM TO THE CORE.

SHE ASSURED HIM THAT EVERYTHING WAS READY AND IN ORDER FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.  SHE EXPLAINED ABOUT THE ANNIVERSARY AND HOW OMER ALWAYS MAKES A BIG DEAL OUT IT. SHE NEEDED TO GO PICKUP HIS GIFT AND GET READY FOR THE EVENING. METIN SMILED AND GAVE HER A HUG, ” IF ANYONE DESERVES IT YOU DO, TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU WANT.” HE SPOKE LOVINGLY.  BUT THE LOOK BETWEEN THEM SAID A LOT MORE. THEIR EYES HELD A CONVERSATION THAT NEITHER OF THEM COULD SPEAK. HE KNEW THE LONGING THAT LIVED UNDER THE ARMOR OF HARDNESS SHE HAD BUILT. ALL HE WANTED WAS HER HAPPINESS.

LEILA RANG HER AND ASKED TO MEET FOR LUNCH TO DISCUSS WEDDING DATES. EMRE WANTED IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND NEEDED THE DATE SO HE COULD CONTACT CAN IN HOPES HE WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT. SHE EYED SANEM CAUTIOUSLY, ” I’M SORRY ABLA, I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.” SHE CRIED.  EMRE HAS NO ONE ELSE, MS. HUMA REFUSES TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE HIS MARRYING ME AND AZIZ BEY IS NOT WELL ENOUGH TO TRAVEL.”  LEILA HAD NEVER BEEN SO TORN, SHE HATED TO PUT HER SISTER IN SUCH A SITUATION, YET SHE FELT EMRE’S ANGUISH AS WELL.  SANEM’S FEELINGS WOULD HAVE TO BE SET ASIDE FOR A DAY TO ALLOW THEIR TIME TO BE CELEBRATED BY ALL. EMRE WAS A PART OF THEIR FAMILY AND HAD RESPECTED HER DECISION ABOUT CAN, SO NOW SHE NEEDED TO RETURN THE FAVOR. LEILA THANKED HER AND GOT DOWN TO BUSINESS OF PICKING A DAY. NEITHER WANTED AN ELABORATE WEDDING SO PREPARATIONS WOULD BE MINIMAL. THEY AGREED ON A MONTH FROM THAT SATURDAY. THE GUEST LIST CONSISTED MAINLY OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND A SELECT FEW FROM THE AGENCY. THEY HAD CONTEMPLATED HAVING SANEM AND CAN STANDUP WITH THEM FOR THE CEREMONY BUT THOUGHT BETTER OF IT. THINGS WERE ON A ROLL……

THE UNEXPECTED LUNCH DATE TOOK MORE TIME THAN SHE HAD ANTICIPATED SO THE GIFT SELECTION WOULD HAVE TO BE QUICK. SHE DECIDED ON A NICE LINEN SCARF THAT COULD BE WORN ALMOST YEAR-ROUND. THE CHOSE IT IN A BEAUTIFUL COBALT BLUE, IT WOULD COMPLIMENT HIS WAVY DARK BROWN HAIR AND THOSE HAZEL BLUE EYES. AS SHE VISUALIZE HIM IN THE SCARF, HER THOUGHTS TOOK HER TO CAN INSTEAD OF OMER. SHE SHOOK HER HEAD AND WAVED HER HAND IN FRONT OF HER FACE AS IF TO SWAT AWAY A BAD DREAM. IT HAD STUNNED HER, IT MUST HAVE HAPPENED BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIM EARLIER. SHAKING HER HEAD AGAIN SHE MADE THE PURCHASE AND WENT IN SEARCH OF A GIFT BOX.

OMER PICKED HER UP AT 6:00. HIS EXCITEMENT AMUSED HER, SHE ONCE HAD SUCH EXCITEMENT FOR LIFE AND ALL OF WHAT IT STOOD FOR. THE EVENTS OF THE PAST HAVE SHADOWED HER INNER PEACE AND THE ABILITY TO FEEL JOY. HE WHISKED HER AWAY TO ENJOY THE EVENING HE HAD PLANNED. THEY WALKED TO THE COAST ARM AND ARM TALKING AND SHARING THE HAPPENINGS OF THE DAY. SHE QUESTIONED HIM ABOUT WHERE HE WAS TAKING HER FOR DINNER AND HE SMILED AND PROUDLY ANNOUNCED THE DISCOVERY OF A FANTASTIC NEW FISH RESTAURANT THAT HE HAD BEEN TOLD ABOUT. VERY QUAINT AND TRADITIONAL HE TOLD HER, JUST WHAT YOU LIKE. SHE ASKED HIM IF IT WAS CLOSE AND HE REPLIED, ” VERY, IN FACT IT’S RIGHT HERE MY DEAR, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. ” HE BEAMED. THAT FEELING OF DREAD AGAIN, THAT FEELING THAT NEVER GOES AWAY, THAT IS EVER SO PRESENT IN HER SOUL. IT USED TO BE OUR PLACE BUT IT ISN’T ANYMORE, IT’S JUST A PLACE, THATS ALL IT IS.

THE MEAL WAS DELICIOUS AS ALWAYS AND THE PEOPLE WERE FRIENDLY. A COUPLE OF HE CUSTOMERS SHE RECOGNIZED FROM HER FREQUENT VISITS THERE WITH CAN. THEY ATE AND HE PULLED OUT HIS GIFT WITH A THEATRICAL AIR AND PRESENTED IT TO HER. SMILING SHE TOOK IT FROM HIM, SHE OPENED THE BEAUTIFUL VELVET CASE. HER EYES MUST BE WRONG, THERE DISPLAYED WAS A WRITING PEN ALONG WITH A BOTTLE OF INK. THE PEN WAS EXQUISITE AND WAS ENGRAVED WITH HER NAME. THE THOUGHT OF THE ALBATROSS FEATHER PEN THAT CAN HAD GIVEN HER FLOODED OVER HER AND THE TEARS BRIMMED HER EYES. LOOKING UP AT HIM AND SEEING THE LOVE IN HIS EYES SHE HOPED HE THOUGHT HER TEARS WERE TEARS OF JOY.

Chapter 11

WITH THE REALIZATION THAT HE MUST RETURN HOME EXCEPTED BY HIS HEART AND SOUL, HE WORKED TO FINISH THE ASSIGNMENT. HIS FRIEND HIRUN WAS SORRY THAT THEIR TIME TOGETHER WAS COMING TO AN END. THE EXPOSURE FROM THE MAGAZINE ARTICLES HAD BROUGHT THE VILLAGE TO A NEW LEVEL ALTHOUGH IT WASN’T ALL MET WITH ENTHUSIASM FORM THE ELDERS. THE TWO SHARED THEIR LAST MEAL AND CAN PROMISED TO MAKE THE TRIP THERE AGAIN JUST FOR PLEASURE. HIRUN CHERISHED THE FRIENDSHIP AND KNEW HIS FRIEND WAS INVOLVED IN A STRUGGLE OF THE HEART. HOPING HE WOULD CONFIDE IN HIM HE QUESTIONED ABOUT THE BANDANA AND THE REASON SURROUNDING IT. CAN SIGHED, ” IT’S VERY SPECIAL TO ME AND I FEEL LIKE I LOST A PART OF THAT WHEN IT WAS RIPPED, THE MEANING FOR ME IS MY REASON TO LIVE.”  THE LOSS IN HIS EYES REFLECTED THE HEARTBREAK HE HAD BEEN THROUGH. THE HEAVY BURDEN OF HIS HEART BECAME TO MUCH AND HE RELIEVED HIMSELF OF ALL THAT HAD HAPPENED TO HIRUN.

IN SILENCE, HE LISTENED. CAN ADMITTED THE FACT THAT HE COULDN’T FORGIVE HER WAS THE REMINISCE OF HIS CHILDHOOD. THE FAILINGS OF HIS MOTHER TO LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO SEE HIM. HE HAD ONLY TO RELY ON WHAT WAS INSIDE HIM TO MAKE HIM HAPPY, ………….UNTIL HE MET HER, HIS BEAUTIFUL SANEM, THE GIRL THAT CLAMED HIS SOUL WITH HER HEART.

HIRUN WANTED TO BE SUPPORTIVE BUT THE ONLY WAY HE COULD DO THAT WAS TO SHOW HIM HOW WRONG HE HAD BEEN.

“ARE YOU STILL A CHILD? “HIRUN QUESTIONED WITH A LAUGH.  ” DO YOU STILL SEEK YOUR MOTHERS ACCEPTANCE? ” HE ASKED. CAN GLARED AT HIM AND ANSWERED A RESOUNDING “NO, NOT HARDLY. “WITH ATTITUDE HIRUN STATED…” THEN WHY LET THE SHORTCOMINGS OF A PERSON YOU BARELY KNOW CONTROL YOUR CHANCE TO BE BETTER. THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS IS FROM YOUR SPIRIT, AND YOUR SPIRIT IS ONLY IN YOUR HANDS….. THE WORDS STUNG HIM AND IT MADE HIM ACCEPT THEM AS TRUE.

THIS MAN HAD OPENED THE INNER FEELINGS OF HIS MIND.HE NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY BEFORE. HE HAD ALLOWED……NO, ALMOST WELCOMED THE SELF PITY TO SHELTER HIM FROM HIS OWN DESTRUCTION. HIS LOVE FOR SANEM WAS THE ONLY THING IN HIS LIFE THAT HAD BEEN GENUINE. BEING WITHOUT HER THESE LAST EIGHT MONTHS ONLY DEEPENED HIS FEELINGS. THINKING HE COULD BURY HIS LOVE FOR HER DEEP ENOUGH THAT HE WOULD NO LONGER NEED IT TO SURVIVE, WAS SOMETHING HE COULDN’T DO.  HE WOULD BE GOING HOME IN A FEW DAYS AND TRY TO APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE WRONG HE HAD DONE TO HER AND TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP, HE WANTED HER BACK IN HIS LIFE AND WAS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO GET HER.

THEY SAID THEIR GOODBYES THAT MORNING AND CAN THANKED HIRUN FOR EVERYTHING AND PROMISED TO RETURN FOR A VISIT. WITH A LIGHTER HEART THAT BEAT WITH HOPE, KNOWING HE HAD HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM, HE MADE THE FIRST LEG OF THE TRIP HOME. HIS FIRST STOP WOULD BE LONDON TO DELIVER THE ASSIGNMENT TO THE MAGAZINE OFFICE. IF HE COULD GET ALL OF THE PAPERWORK DONE QUICKLY HE WOULD BE ON HIS WAY TO ISTANBUL IN A COUPLE OF DAYS. 

THE OFFICE WAS BUSY AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY TO SEE HIM. THERE SEEM TO BE SOME TYPE OF HOLD UP ON PART OF THE PAPERWORK SO THE COMPLETION WOULDN’T BE UNTIL THE NEXT DAY. HE GRABBED A BITE TO EAT AND MADE HIS WAY TO HIS HOTEL ROOM. THE TRIP WORE HIM DOWN AND HE WAS READY TO GET SOME SLEEP.  FIRST, HE NEEDED TO ALL EMRE.

EMRE WAS EXCITED TO HEAR FROM CAN AND WAS EAGER TO CONVEY THE NEWS OF HIS UPCOMING WEDDING. ” HOW ARE YOU ABI, EMRE BLURTED WITH EXCITEMENT. I HOPE YOU’RE ON YOU’RE HOME.” CAN LAUGHED AND TOLD HIM HE WOULD BE LEAVING LONDON DAY AFTER TOMORROW. EMRE EXPLAINED ABOUT THE WEDDING AND THAT IT WOULD BE IN 2 WEEKS.            

” YOU HAVE TO BE HERE CAN, I’M NOT GOING TO HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.” EMRE DEMANDED. CAN PROMISED HIM HE WOULD GET THERE IN PLENTY OF TIME.  EMRE ASKED HIM IF SEEING SANEM WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM FOR HIM. ” THAT’S THE MAIN REASON I’M COMING HOME EMRE.” CAN STATED. THIS LAST TRIP PROVED TO BE MORE THAN I COULD HANDLE, HE EXPLAINED, I CAN’T LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER. I’M MISERABLE WITHOUT HER SO I PLAN TO DO A LOT OF BEGGING AND APOLOGIZING WHEN I GET THERE. 

WITH A SINKING FEELING AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY HE AVOIDED THE SUBJECT.  EMRE AGREED TO PICK HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT WHEN HE GOT IN. KNOWING THE CIRCUMSTANCES WITH SANEM AND OMER, EMRE KNEW HIS BROTHER WAS ABOUT TO GO THOUGH THE HARDEST TIME IN HIS LIFE AND HE WASN’T SURE IF HE WOULD BE ABLE TO ACCEPT IT.

CAN SLEPT IN THE NEXT MORNING, THE RINGING OF HIS PHONE WOKE HIM. THE OFFICE HAD THE PAPERWORK COMPLETE AND HIS COMMISSION CHECK WAS READY FOR HIM TO PICK UP. HE SHOWERED AND TRIED TO PULL HIS SELF TOGETHER, HIS NIGHT HAD BEEN A RESTLESS ONE AND THIS FEELING OF, ” SOMETHING NOT BEING QUITE RIGHT, “WAS HANGING ON HIM. HE WAS READY TO GET ON HIS WAY.  AS HE WENT OUT THE FRONT DOOR HE RAN INTO AN OLD FRIEND OF HIS AND POLENS’. THEY LITERALLY RAN RIGHT TO EACH OTHER, SO THERE WAS NO DUCKING AND RUNNING THE OTHER WAY.  SHE BUBBLED WITH EXCITEMENT AND GAVE HIM A BIG HUG. “ARE YOU HERE TO SEE POLEN,” SHE SMILED. HE OFFERED A VAGUE ANSWER AND HOPED TO LEAVE IT AT THAT. HE HAD A MEETING AT THE MAGAZINE OFFICE AND THEN HE WAS HEADED HOME. WITH THE EXCUSE OF BEING LATE HE RUSHED TO HAIL A CAB, LEAVING HER STANDING THERE IN CONFUSION. GOD, HE HOPED SHE DIDN’T TELL POLEN HE WAS THERE. SHE WAS THE LAST PERSON HE WANTED TO SEE. THE NEED TO SEE SANEM TRAVELED EVERY INCH OF HIS BODY AND TO TOUCH HER AGAIN WRAPPED HIS MIND WITH WARMTH…

ISTANBUL HERE I COME…….

Chapter 12

SANEM REACHED FOR THE DECORATIVE BOX SHE HAD STORED ON TOP OF HER BUREAU. THIS BOX CONTAINED ALL THE MEMORIES OF HER DEEPEST LOVE. HOW IRONIC THAT OMER WOULD GIFT HER THE SAME GIFT THAT SHE HAD RECEIVED FROM CAN SO LONG AGO. THE RERUN OF THAT MOMENT, THOUGH THE FACT SHE WAS IN SO MUCH TURMOIL, CARRIED ON IN HER MIND. IT HAD TOUCHED HER THAT CAN WOULD EVEN SHOW HER THAT KIND AFFECTION. REMEMBERING THE LOOK IN HIS EYES, THE TEARS THAT WELLED UP BUT HE WOULD NOT RELEASE, STILL STIRRED THE FEELINGS IN HER.  WHY, EVEN AFTER THE HURTFUL WORDS HE HAD SPOKEN TO HER, WAS SHE NOT ABLE TO DEFEND HERSELF AGAINST HER MEMORIES.

SHE LINGERED OVER THE ALBATROSS FEATHER PEN, THE AMBER STONE NECKLACE AND THE MANY NOTES AND POEMS THAT THAT CONSPIRED BETWEEN THEM. THEY WERE SCARED TO HER, STILL HOLDING A STRANGE ATTACHMENT TO HER HEART. 

SHE PLACED THEM CAREFULLY BACK IN THEIR BOX, CLOSING HER EYES SHE TOLD HERSELF, THESE THINGS WERE PART OF YOUR PAST SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP LIVING IN THE PAST.  ALL THAT HAD BEEN WAS STILL ALL THAT THERE WAS………..

OMER KNEW SHE LIKED THE GIFT BUT THERE WAS AN AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN HE GAVE HER THE PEN. A LOOK OF DEFEAT SPREAD ACROSS HER FACE. IT WAS AS IF A SHE LOST HERSELF FOR A MINUTE. HE RECALLED HER LOOKING LIKE THAT BEFORE. IF ONLY HE COULD KNOW THE DIFFERENT LAYERS OF SANEM, WHAT WAS BENEATH THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE THAT TOOK HER AWAY TO THE PLACE THAT HE HAD NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO ENTER. HE FEARED HE WOULD FOREVER BE ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, HE WAS MORE THAN WILLING TO ENTER HER SECRET WORLD BUT THE INVITATION COULD ONLY COME FROM SANEM.

THE WEDDING PLANS WERE COMPLETE IN RECORD TIME. THE CEREMONY WOULD BE SIMPLE AND INTIMATE, WITH A LARGE RECEPTION TO FOLLOW IN THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD. LEILA WAS HAPPY AND THAT WAS ALL THAT CONCERNED SANEM.  SANEM AND EMRE HAD MADE PEACE AND THEY BOTH HAD DEVELOPED A RESPECTED FRIENDSHIP. SHE WELCOMED HIM INTO HER FAMILY AS HER BROTHER -IN-LAW. 

LEILA DELIVERED THE NEWS THAT CAN WOULD ARRIVE IN AMPLE TIME FOR THE WEDDING AND THAT EMRE WAS EXTREMELY HAPPY ABOUT IT.  STUDYING SANEM FOR HER REACTION, SHE ASKED HER IF IT WOULD BE TO MUCH FOR HER.  SANEM ASSURED HER SHE WAS FINE WITH HIM BEING THERE.  IF WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATTER, SHE PROMISED IT WOULDN’T RUIN HER SPECIAL DAY.

THE THOUGHT OF SEEING HIM MADE HER DIZZY AND LIGHTHEADED.  ” START CONTROLLING THIS RIGHT NOW OF YOU WILL MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU DO SEE HIM,” SHE SCOLDED. WELL AT LEAST SHE WOULD OMER TO HELP HER THROUGH THAT DAY, BUT HOW IS CAN GOING TO REACT WHEN HE SEES HER???……..WITH OMER……

THE OFFICE HAD BEEN CRAZY, WITH THE ADDITION OF TWO BIG FIRMS, METIN WAS MEETING HIMSELF COMING AND GOING. SHE WORKED ABOVE AND BEYOND TO HELP METIN, HE WAS A GREAT FRIEND AND BOSS. HE HAD RESERVATIONS WHEN HE HEARD CAN WOULD RETURN FOR EMRE’S WEDDING. CONCERNED WHAT EFFECT THAT WOULD HAVE ON SANEM, HE OFFERED TO ACCOMPANY HER TO HE WEDDING AND THEY COULD FACE HIM TOGETHER, THAT IS IF OMER WASN’T GOING TO BE ABLE TO ATTEND.

SHE THANKED HIM SINCERELY BUT SHE THOUGHT OMER WOULD BE ABLE TO COME, BUT HE WAS MORE THAN WELCOME TO COME ALONG WITH THEM. METIN HAD LITTLE TIME FOR ANY KIND OF SOCIAL LIFE AND THE ATTRACTION FOR DEREN STILL REMAINED.  WITH NO ONE SPECIAL IN HIS LIFE SHE KNEW HER FRIEND WAS LONELY, TO SPITE THE FACT HE WAS A  VERY SUCCESSFUL LAWYER AND DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. 

OMER HAD SURPRISED SANEM WITH LUNCH, ONE OF HER FAVORITE MEALS, SAUSAGE AND BREAD, AND TEA.  THEY EAT AND TAKLED ABOUT HIS WORK AS ALWAYS. HE WAS VERY PASSIONATE IN REGARD TO HIS PROFESSION AND TOOK OVERWHELMING PRIDE IN WHAT HE DID. SANEM HAD GREAT RESPECT FOR HIM AND ADMIRED HIS DEEP COMPASSION FOR ALL OF HIS PATIENTS. HE WAS A HUMBLE AND GENTLE PERSON, BUT WITH ALL OF THESE ATTRIBUTES, THE ONE THING SHE COULDN’T FULLY COMMIT TO WAS HIS HEART. 

THEY DISCUSSED THE WEDDING AND OMER TENTATIVELY CONFIRMED THEIR PLANS TO GO TO THE WEDDING TOGETHER. THEY WERE EXTREMELY SHORT HANDED AT THE HOSPITAL BUT HE WOULD DEFINITELY TRY TO ACCOMPANY HER.  SHE KNEW SHE NEEDED TO TELL HIM THAT CAN WAS RETURNING TO TOWN FOR THE WEDDING, BUT THE WORDS JUST DIDN’T COME. SHE STILL HAD 2 WEEKS TO COME TO TERMS WITH IT, SHE WOULD CONFIDE IN HIM BEORE SOMEONE ELSE TOLD HIM……………

THE DAYS FLEW BYE AND EMRE WAS ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR CAN’S TRAVEL PLANS.  HE WAS PICKING CAN UP FROM THE AIRPORT AND TAKING HIM TO HIS CAR THAT WAS IN STORAGE.  WITH ALL THE DETAILS IN PLACE FOR THE WEDDING AND RECEPTION, EMRE SUDDENLY REMEMBERED THE HOUSING CONDITION. IF HIS BROTHER WAS HERE FOR GOOD OR EVEN A LENGTHY STAY, THEY WOULD NEED TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT. IT WOULD JUST MAKE MORE SENSE FOR LEILA AND HIMSELF TO FIND A HOME OF THEIR OWN. THAT MEANT STARTING THE SEARCH FOR THE PERFECT HOME. THEY MIGHT HAVE TO LEASE FOR A WHILE IF NEED BE. HE CONTACTED A REAL ESTATE FRIEND AND THEY GOT BUSY………..

CAN HAD FINISHED HIS BUSINESS AT THE OFFICE AND WAS ON HIS WAY BACK TO HIS HOTEL. AS HE APPROACHED THE ELEVATOR SOMEONE TOOK HOLD OF HIS ARM, HE TURNED AND FACED POLEN, SMILING SHE CAME IN CLOSE FOR A HUG.  “SO YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD GET OUT OF TOWN BEFORE SEEING ME? ” SHE SMIRKED.  WITH A HEAVY SIGH, HE NODDED A GESTURE OF HELLO.  KNOWING THAT HER FRIEND MAYA, HAD RUSHED TO GIVE POLEN THE NEWS THAT HE WAS IN TOWN, HE QUICKLY REPLIED, HE WAS ONLY IN TOWN FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS AND WAS FLYING OUT EARLY THE NEXT MORNING.  HER FEELINGS FOR HIM HADN’T CHANGED, BUT HER TACTICS IN WHICH TO REKINDLE THEIR OLD FLAME HAD REACHED A NEW LEVEL…………..

THE GAME WAS ON….

Chapter 13

IN CAN’S MIND EVERYTHING WAS SAID AND DONE, AS FAR AS THE RELATIONSHIP WITH POLEN WAS CONCERNED. IT WAS APPARENT THAT HE MADE A BAD JUDGEMENT CALL ON BREAKING IT OFF WITH HER OVER THE PHONE. HE SHOULD HAVE HANDLED IT WITH MORE SENSITIVITY, BUT THAT WAS IN THE PAST NOW. “CAN, LET’S HAVE A DRINK AND TALK A BIT, “ SHE WHISPERED. IN HIS GUT HE KNEW BETTER BUT FELT OBLIGATED TO APEASE HER. NOT WANTING AN ARGUMENT, HE AGREED. THEY CHOOSE THE HOTEL BAR, FINDING A TABLE, THEY ORDER DRINKS. “WELL, HOW HAVE THINGS GONE WITH YOUR RESEARCH, ” CAN ASKED. HER JOB HAD NEVER REALLY BEEN OF INTEREST TO HIM BUT THE HEAVINESS IN THE AIR HAD HIM SEARCHING FOR CONVERSATION. 

POLEN HAD NOT TAKEN HER EYES OFF CAN SINCE THEY ENTERED THE BAR AND IT WAS MAKING HIM UNEASY.” THE JOB IS FINE CAN. ” SHE RESPONDED COLDLY.  ” I’M MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND YOUR SITUATION THAN I AM MINE. ” HE TILTED HIS HEAD AS TO QUESTION THE MEANING. “HOW SO, NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN.” SHE LEANED OVER AND GLARED, “I’M TALKING ABOUT SANEM, OF COURSE. “THE WAY SHE LIED TO YOU, PROCLAIMING THAT SHE DID IT ALL BECAUSE SHE LOVED YOU.  HHMM” SHE SPEWED. CAN KNEW WHERE THIS WAS HEADED AND HE WOULDN’T SIT THERE AND LISTEN TO HER BELITTLE SANEM.  

HE FROWNED AND CALMLY TOLD HER THAT THIS SIDE OF HER WAS NOT AT ALL ATTRACTIVE. HOW SHE EVEN FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN HIM AND SANEM WAS SOMETHING HE WOULD HAVE TO FIND OUT. “I’M NOT SURE WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW, BUT YOU NEED TO LEAVE MY PERSONAL LIFE TO ME. “CAN STATED.  ” YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO MEDDLE, OR IN FACT, EVEN HAVE AN OPINION OF WHAT HAS GONE ON WITH SANEM AND MYSELF. “AND IF YOU’RE GETTING YOUR INFORMATION FROM HUMA YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE ABOUT YOUR SOURCE. “WITH BLAZING EYES OF FURY HE STOOD TO LEAVE, SHE QUICKLY GRABBED HIS ARM AND PLEADED WITH HIM TO WAIT. HE JERKED AWAY AND WITH PROUDNESS HE BEAMED, “I DEEPLY REGRET THE TIME THAT WE HAVE WASTED ON EACH OTHER, BUT IT HAS DEFINITELY SHOWN ME THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WELL-EDUCATED, SELFISH WOMAN AND A WOMAN THAT COULD LOVE ME MORE THAN SHE LOVES HERSELF……..

SHE WATCHED HIM WALK AWAY AND KNEW SHE HAD LOST THE BATTLE, HOW COULD HE CHOSE THAT SIMPLE GIRL FROM THE DISTRICT.  HUMA HAD UNDERESTIMATED HER SON AND THE FEELINGS HE HAS FOR SANEM. SHE KNEW SANEM WOULD HURT CAN IN THE END AND SHE WOULD PICKUP THE PIECES…..

FURIOUS, HE STORMED TO HIS ROOM. HOPING HUMA WASN’T IN TOWN TOO, HE DECIDED TO HIDE OUT IN HIS ROOM UNTIL TIME TO GO TO THE AIRPORT. THE FLIGHT WAS AN EARLY ONE SO HE DIDN’T HAVE THAT LONG TO WAIT. GOING OVER THE THINGS POLEN HAD SAID ABOUT SANEM SADDENED HIM. HE ALSO THOUGHT THOSE THINGS AS WELL, BUT NEVER FELT THEM IN HIS HEART. THE SOUND OF THE WORDS UNNERVED HIM, MAKING HIM REGRET THE FACT HE HAD EVEN THOUGHT THEM. POLEN HAD SEVERED ALL TIES WITH HER DISPLAY OF HATE, TO REMAIN FRIENDS WAS NOW IMPOSSIBLE.

WAITING FOR HIS FLIGHT CAUSED HIM TO BE ON EDGE WITH ANTICIPATION. THE NEED TO GET HOME HAD INTENSIFIED SINCE THE INCIDENT WITH POLEN. HE WAS GLAD TO BE GETTING OUT OF LONDON, IT HELD BAD MEMORIES. 

FINALLY ON THE PLANE AND HEADED TO ISTANBUL. WITH THE WEDDING LINGERING IN HIS MIND, ALTHOUGH HE WAS HAPPY FOR EMRE AND LEILA, WHAT WOUD HAPPEN WHEN HE STOOD IN FRONT OF SANEM FOR THE FIRST TIME. HOW WAS HE TO BREAK DOWN THE BARRIER, HE KNEW ALL TOO WELL SHE HAD BUILT UP. WHAT EVER IT TOOK, WHAT EVER HE HAD TO DO, THATS WHAT HE WOULD DO. RUNNING AWAY WAS NOT AN OPTION THIS TIME, HE WAS DONE WITH THAT.  HE WOULD FIGHT WITH HIS HEART AND WIN HER BACK……HE THOUGHT AS HE DRIFTED OFF TO SLEEP…….

EMRE WAS WAITING FOR CAN, NOT HOLDING BACK HIS EXCITEMENT. THERE WAS SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT. HIM AND LEILA HAD FOUND A HOUSE THAT WAS PERFECT FOR THE TWO OF THEM. NOT FAR FROM THEIR HOUSE NOW SO HE COULD BE CLOSE TO CAN WHEN HE WAS HOME. IN THE BACK OF HIS MIND, HE HOPED HIS BROTHER DIDN’T ASK HIM ABOUT SANEM. IT WAS A DIFFICULT SITUATION FOR ALL AND HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO TELL CAN ABOUT OMER.

HE WATCHED CAN COME OWN THE ESCALATOR, WITH A SMILE THAT HE HAD MISSED. HIS FEELINGS FOR HIS BROTHER HAD GROWN SO MUCH IN THE AFTERMATH OF THEIR NEAR DESTRUCTION. HE FELT CLOSER TO HIM THAN EVER BEFORE. HE WAS HOME, HIS FAMILY WAS NOW COMPLETE……

Chapter 14

SEEING HIS LITTLE BROTHER AFTER ALL THIS TIME BROUGHT HIM SO MUCH JOY. HE HAD MISSED HIM MORE THAN HE THOUGHT. THEY HUGGED AND HE RUFFLED HIS HAIR JUST TO AGGRAVATE HIM. EMRE ACCEPTED HIS CHILDISH GESTURE WITH LOVE AND SLAPPED HIM ON THE BACK. THEY GRABBED HIS BAG AND MADE THEIR WAY TO EMRE’S CAR. BOTH TRYING TO TALK AT THE SAME TIME MADE THEM LAUGH. ” YOU GO AHEAD, CAN STATED, YOU’RE THE ONE GETTING MARRIED, SOON YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO GET A WORD IN AT ALL. “ EMRE LAUGHED AND SHOOK HIS HEAD AS IN AGREEMENT. LISTENING TO EMRE TALK ABOUT THE HOUSE THAT HE AND LEILA BOUGHT AND THE ENTHUSIASM IN HIS VOICE MADE HIM HAPPY, AND THE LONGING FOR SANEM STARTED TO STIR. SHE HAD ALWAYS TOLD HIM THAT HAPPINESS WAS CONTAGIOUS AND HE TRULY BELIEVED THAT.

EMRE WAS CHATTING LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL, RELAYING ALL THE NEWS OF THE AGENCY, ALL THEIR FRIENDS THERE AND THE WEDDING, HE WAS NONSTOP.  WHEN HE FINALLY STOPPED TO TAKE A BREATH, CAN ASKED IF HE COULD TELL HIM ABOUT SANEM.  EMRE KNEW THAT QUESTION WAS COMING BUT IT STILL DIDN’T MAKE IT EASY TO ANSWER. CAN COULD SEE THAT EMRE WASN’T COMFORTABLE WITH THE SUBJECT SO HE APOLOGIZED FOR ASKING AND SAID HE DIDN’T HAVE TO ANSWER IF HE COULDN’T.  EMRE TRIED TO EXPLAIN BUT CAN EXCUSED IT AND TOLD HIM IT WAS FINE. HE WOULD FIND OUT ON HIS OWN, THAT WILL BE BETTER ANYWAY.  

ARRIVING AT THEIR HOUSE CAUSED A WAVE OF EMOTIONS FOR CAN.  A LOT HAD HAPPENED IN THAT HOUSE, SOME GOOD, SOME BAD.  WHAT EVER HAD HAPPENED THERE BROUGHT HIM TO THIS TIME IN HIS LIFE.  THE MEANING OF THEIR LOVE WAS CALMING AND REASSURING TO HIM AND HAD DEFINED THE REASON FOR HIM TO LIVE.  NOW HE JUST NEEDED TO TALK TO SANEM AND MAKE HER UNDERSTAND.  

AFTER GETTING SETTLED IN A BIT, EMRE WENT TO PICKUP LEILA TO FINISH UP PAPERWORK ON THE NEW HOUSE. CAN COULDN’T WAIT ANY LONGER SO HE DROVE TO THE COAST, TO THE PLACE HE KNEW SANEM WOULD COME TO SOONER OR LATTER.  IT WOULD PROBABLY BE BEST TO MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE FIRST, MAYBE LESS DRAMA, HE THOUGHT.  HER FAVORITE SPOT WAS VACANT, SO HE FOUND A SECLUDED AREA A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY AND SETTLED IN. IT WAS LATE IN THE AFTERNOON AND HE HOPED SHE WOULD SHOW  UP THERE BEFORE GOING HOME.

THE DAY AT THE OFFICE WAS HECTIC FOR SANEM, METIN HAD BEEN OUT OF THE OFFICE MOST OF THE DAY.  A CONTRACT HAD TO BE REVIEWED BEFORE THE NEXT DAY, SO SHE TOOK IT WITH HER TO MEET METIN LATTER AT THE COAST ON HIS WAY HOME. OMER WAS ON DUTY AT THE HOSPITAL FOR THE EVENING SO SHE WAS ON HER OWN.

SHE AGREED TO MEET METIN ABOUT 6:00 AT HER SPOT ON THE COAST.  SHE LOVED HER BENCH THERE; IT HAD THE BEST VIEW OF THE SEA.  THE WALK FROM THE BUS STOP TO THE COAST TOOK LESS THAN 5 MINUTES, SHE WAS THANKFUL FOR CANE AT TIMES, BUT STILL A BIT SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT. THAT VIEW NEVER GOT OLD AND THE SMELL FROM THE SEA ALWAYS SWEPT AWAY ANY BAD FEELINGS. SHE TOOK A DEEP BREATH AND CLOSED HER EYES. SHE JUMPED AS SHE FELT A HAND ON HER SHOULDER….

CAN IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZED HER AS SHE WALKED DOWN THE PIER. HIS HEART STIRRED AND ALL HIS ATTENTION WAS FOCUSED ON HER. HE SQUINTED AND FROWNED AS SHE GOT CLOSER, ” WHAT’S WRONG… WHY DOES SHE HAVE A CANE? WHAT HAPPENED?” HIS MIND IS RACING AND HIS HEART IS BEATING FAST. HIS THOUGHTS TO MOVE HAVE BEEN IGNORED BY THIS BRAIN. FROZEN IN PLACE, HE WATCHED HER SIT DOWN, LIFT HER HEAD AND CLOSE HER EYES. HER SMILE SPREAD ACROSS HER FACE, GOD HOW HE HAD MISSED HER. “WAIT…WHO’S THAT, IT’S METIN. ” CAN GASPED…

SANEM TURNED AND SMILED, “HELLO BOSS,” SHE SMIRKED, “YOU’RE OVER WORKING YOUR EMPLOYEES.” HE LAUGHED, GIVING HER A HUG AND PECK ON THE CHEEK. METIN LEANED BACK ON THE BENCH AND DREW IN A DEEP BREATH TO RELAX. “IT HAS BEEN A DAY FROM HELL.” HE STATED. “TELL ME ABOUT IT,” SHE SQUEALED, TRY MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOU ALL DAY…. IT’S NOT FUN.“ THEY LAUGHED.

CAN STARED IN DISBELIEF, BLINKING HIS EYES, AS IF TO CHANGE WHAT HE WAS SEEING. IT COULDN’T BE, COULD IT?… BUT METIN WAS HIS BEST FRIEND…. UHH, WAIT, HE USED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND…. BEFORE YOU WIPED HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE OVER SOMETHING STUPID…. JUST LIKE YOU DID SANEM…. NO, NO. EMRE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME IF THIS HAD HAPPENED…. I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, NOW…. HE STUMBLED TO TRUCK AND DROVE, NOT QUITE SURE WHERE HE WAS GOING, BUT HE NEEDED TO REMOVE THAT IMAGE FROM HIS MIND. WHAT A WELCOME HOME, HE THOUGHT. YOU IDIOT, YOU NEVER CONSIDERED THE FACT SHE HAD SOMEONE ELSE… “NOW WHAT DIVIT, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?”

AFTER A FEW MINUTES, METIN GOT UP TO LEAVE.  HE GAVE HER A HUG AND THANKED HER FOR BRINGING THE FILE. SHE STARTED HER WALK HOME. THE PHONE PINGED… HI SIS, JUST WANTED TO WARN YOU, CAN GOT HOME TODAY….

HER HEART FLUTTERED A BIT AND SHE CAUGHT HER BREATH. SHE KNEW HE WAS COMING BUT THE FACT OF HIM BEING THERE JUST HIT HER. SHE HAD TO CALM HER NERVES, HE PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO SEE HER. HIS RETURN DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING SPECIAL, HE JUST CAME FOR THE WEDDING…  SHE COULDN’T LET HERSELF THINK OF IT……….

THEY HAD BOTH MOVED ON……

Chapter 15

CAN RAN TO HIS CHILDHOOD HOME,  IT ALWAYS SEEMED TO HELP FOR SOME REASON. IT  MEANT  A HAPPY TIME, WHEN HIS FAMILY WAS WHOLE,  HIS CARES WERE MINIMAL AND HE FELT LOVED.  

HE NEEDED TO TALK TO EMRE BUT FIRST GET HIS EMOTIONS IN CHECK.  THAT SCENE WAS TATTOOED IN HIS HEAD,  IT FLASHED ACROSS HIS EYES OVER AND OVER.  ” WHY METIN. ” HE THOUGHT,  THE FURY BUILT TO A BOILING POINT,  ” I’LL JUST GO CONFRONT HIM RIGHT NOW ! ”   DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON.”  CAN SEETHED.  THAT THOUGHT QUICKLY WENT AWAY.  HE DIDN’T WANT TO SEE HIS FACE FOR FEAR OF WHAT HE MIGHT DO.  

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND GO TALK TO EMRE…………  AS HE TURNED TO LEAVE HE SAW THE THE SPOT WHERE HE HAD CONFESSED HIS LOVE TO SANEM, THAT FEELING HE HAD NEVER HAD BEFORE BECAME SO ALIVE THAT DAY.  IT AWOKE HIS SOUL AND RESTORED WHAT HAD LAYED DORMANT FOR SO MANY YEARS.  HOW COULD HE SURRENDER ALL OF THOSE FEELINGS WITHOUT A FIGHT?  HE HAD CAME HOME TO CLAIM WHAT HE FELT WAS HIS, AND HE INTENDED TO DO JUST THAT…..

SANEM MANAGED TO GET THOUGH DINNER WITH HER PARENTS AND GET TO HER ROOM BEFORE THE REALITY OVER TOOK HER.  JUST KNOWING HE WAS IN TOWN, THAT CLOSE, CLOSE ENOUGH SHE COULD ALMOST FEEL HIM,  RIDDLED HER BODY WITH GOOSEBUMPS.  ” YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE GETTING OVER HIM SANEM. ” HER INNER VOICE YELLED.  ” AND LOOK,  AT THE FIRST MENTION OF HIS NAME,  YOU CRUMBLE. ”  SHE SLAMMED HER FISTS INTO HER PILLOW….WHY CAN’T YOU BE STRONG,  LIKE CAN..  HE’S BEEN HOME ALL DAY AND HASN’T EVEN TRIED TO CONTACT YOU. HE’S OVER YOU,  SO  TOUGHEN UP….

EMRE AND LEILA HAD JUST FINISHED DINNER AND WAS CLEANING UP WHEN CAN BUSTED THROUGH THR DOOR.  

” EMRE WE NEED TO TALK, WILL YOU COME WITH ME PLEASE. ”  CAN SPEWED.  THEY MOVED OUT TO THE GARDEN, EMRE COULD SEE HOW UPSET CAN WAS AND KNEW EXACTLY WHY.  HE DEMANDED TO KNOW WHY EMRE HADN’T TOLD HIM ABOUT SANEM AND METIN.  COMING  WITHIN INCHES OF EMRE’S FACE,  GLARING INTO HIS EYES.  ” ABI,  EMRE QUESTIONED, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.  ”  I SAW THEM TODAY, AT THE COAST. ” CAN STAMMERED. ” THEY MET,  METIN HUGGED HER AND HE EVEN GAVE HER A KISS. ”    EMRE WAS TOTALLY CONFUSED AND ALMOST WANTED TO LAUGH BUT KNEW CAN WOULD KILL HIM IF HE DID. ” WHATS’ GOING ON. ” HE YELLED.  EMRE TOLD HIM TO CALM DOWN AND PROCEEDED TO TELL HIM THE SITUATION. 

RUBBING HIS HANDS OVER HIS FACE, HE PACED BACK AND FORTH.  ” SO SANEM IS WORKING IN METINS’ OFFICE? ” HE REPEATED.  ” HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN GOING ON? ” HE ASKED.  

LEILA HAD BEEN LISTENING FROM THE KITCHEN AND WALKED OUT TO THE GARDEN.  WITH HANDS ON THE HIPS, ” WAIT JUST A MINUTE, CAN. ”  SHE SHOUTED….” WHO DO YOU THINK YOU  ARE? ”  ” YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO COME BARGING IN HERE THROWING YOUR WEIGHT AROUND.”  SHE BARKED…..” YOU LOST THAT RIGHT WHEN YOU GOT ON THAT PLANE EIGHT MONTHS AGO, LEAVING WITHOUT LISTENING TO ANYONE.”……SHE TOOK A DEEP BREATH, THREW HER ARMS UP IN THE AIR,  ” SANEM IS FREE TO DO WHAT TO DO WHAT EVER SHE WANTS,  HER LIFE IS NOT DEPENDENT ON YOU ANYMORE.”   SHE STORMED BACK INSIDE…………….

CAN AND EMRE, BOTH STOOD THERE DUMBFOUNDED, WITH THEIRS MOUTHS OPEN…EMRE LOOKED AT HIS BROTHER, ” SHE’S RIGHT ABI,” HE SAID. ”  BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS, SANEM JUST WORKS FOR METIN, AND THATS ALL.”………….. CAN WALKED OUT INTO THE YARD, THINKING OF WHAT LEILA HAD SAID.. HE TURNED TO EMRE, ” WELL, WE DEFINITELY KNOW THEY ARE SISTERS,  ONE’S JUST A SPIRITED AS THE OTHER. ”  HE JOKED………

HE RETURNED TO THE KITCHEN AND APOLOGIZE TO LEILA. ASKING HER TO FORGIVE HIM FOR HIS HASTY ACTIONS.. ” WE ARE FAMILY NOW AND I DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DISTURB OUR RELATIONSHIP. ” HE SMILED.  SHE SMILED BACK THINKING,  YOU DON’TKNOW THE HALF OF IT YET CAN,  GOD HELP US WHEN YOU FIND OUT THE TRUTH………..SHE ACCEPTED HIS APOLOGY AND GAVE HIM A HUG, FEELING BAD FOR HIM ALREADY, AT WHAT LAY AHEAD……………….

SANEM WONDERED IF SHE SHOULD TAKE HE FIRST STEP AND CONTACT HIM.  MAYBE IT WOULD SHOW HER STRENGTH, HER MATURITY IN LETTING GO OF THE PAST………. BUT, WHAT DO I SAY……WILL I BE ABLE TO KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME…..HE DOES UNLEASH ALL THE CHEMICAL IMBALANCE IN MY BRAIN……….

HER PHONE RANG, MAKING HER JUMP, AND BRINGING HER BACK FROM HER DAYDREAM….    LEILA TOLD HER THAT CAN HAD SEEN HER AND METIN TOGETHER AT THE COAST TODAY, HE WAS BACK TO HIS OLD SELF OF JEALOUSY AND DEMANDING TO KNOW EVERYTHING…..SANEM FELT A TWINGE OF EXCITEMENT SHOOT THROUGH HER BODY….DID SHE SAY JEALOUSY.!!                                   ALL OF A SUDDEN THINGS DIDN’T SEEM SO BLEAK ANYMORE.. HER INNER VOICE WAS RIGHT THERE TO REMIND HER OF THE HURT SHE HAD GONE THROUGH, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY, SINCE HE WALKED AWAY FROM HER THAT DAY………

THE WEDDING WAS TWO DAYS AWAY…SHE DIDN’T WANT TO SEE CAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THAT SETTING. SHE DECIDED TO SENT A MESSAGE TO HIM TO MEET AT THE COAST, AT HER BENCH. OMER HAD EXPECTED TO HAVE DINNER WITH HER THAT EVENING, SINCE HE HAD BEEN ON CALL FOR THE PAST TWO NIGHTS. SHE TOLD HIM SHE HAD AN IMPORTANT ENGAGEMENT SHE NEEDED TO ATTEND…SHE WOULD CALL HIM THE NEXT DAY.  OF COURSE HE WAS SKEPTICAL BUT DIDN’T HESITATE TO EXCEPT THE EXCUSE…  

SHE TEXTED LEILA AND ASKED HER TO RELAY THE MESSAGE TO CAN.  WITH SISTER, NOT AT ALL CONVINCED THIS WAS THE BEST IDEA, AGREED TO LET HIM KNOW…SANEM WAITED FOR HIS ANSWER…….HE HAD WILLINGLY EXCEPTED HER INVITATION..MEET AT THE COAST AT 6:00.               THE MOMENT WOULD SOON BE THERE, THE DEFINING MOMENT OF TRUTH…….JUST HOW STRONG OF A PERSON SHE HAD BECOME……OR JUST HOW MUCH SHE WAS FOOLING HERSELF…

HE WAS ALREADY THERE…….THAT MAGNIFICENT MAN THAT DEFINED THE WHOLE MEANING OF PERFECT………SHE STARED………………ALLAH, ALLAH

Chapter 16

THE MEMORIES THAT THIS SPOT BROUGHT BACK MADE HIM SMILE..THEY WERE FRESH AND VIVID IN HIS CONSCIOUSNESS. SHE OWNED THE VERY ESSENCE OF HIS SOUL. WHY HAD HE BEEN SO BLIND TO IT.  

HE FELT HER PRESENCE, HE LOOKED TO SEE HER STANDING AT THE END OF THE BENCH.  THEIR EYES MET,  RAVISHING HER WITH HIS LOOK OF DESIRE, SHE FULFILLED ALL OF THE EMPTINESS IN HIS BODY.   OHHH…..HOW HE HAD MISSED HER………..EVEN MORE

HER GAZE WAS STRONG AND DELIBERATE.  HER MIND FOUGHT AGAINT HER HEART.  NO WEAKNESS, DON’T SUCCUMB TO THE OVERWHELMING ATTRACTION TO LOSE YOURSELF IN HIS ARMS,  DON’T LET HIM SEE THE ABUNDANCE OF LOVE STILL LIVING IN YOUR VERY HEART……..    

HE STOOD AND REACHED OUT HIS HAND,  SHE SMILED THINKING,  EVER THE GENTLEMAN…ONE OF HIS BEST FEATURES.  TAKING HIS HAND THEY BOTH REVISITED THE COMFORT THAT THEIR TOUCH HAD FOR ONE ANOTHER. 

”  HELLO CAN, ” SHE STATED.  ” HOW HAVE YOU BEEN. ”  THE SOUND OF HER VOICE MADE HIM SHUDDER.  IT PARALYZED HIS THOUGHTS AND HE WAS UNABLE TO SPEAK……SHE LOOKED AT HIM THOUGHTFULLY,  SAYING. ” MAY I SIT DOWN? ”   STILL UNABLE TO FORM A WORD, HE GESTURED THE ACCEPTANCE OF HER REQUEST.  HE WAS FINALLY ABLE TO RELEASE THE HOLD THAT HIS EYES HAD ON HERS,  AND TAKE IN THE VISION OF THE WOMAN HE LOVED……..

SHE HAD A SCAR ON HER FACE………HE WINCED WHEN HIS EYES SCANNED OVER IT.  AND SHE STILL HAD THAT CANE HE SAW HER WITH THE DAY BEFORE……….WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.           A SICK FEELING WAVED OVER HIM, HE KNEW THAT IN SOME WAY, HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO HER……….DID HE EVEN WANT TO KNOW, WOULD HE BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT?    

” SANEM,  HE WHISPERED,  HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU. ”  HIS EYES SOFTENED AND BRIMMED WITH TEARS.  HIS THROAT ACHED AS HE STRUGGLED TO HOLD BACK HIS EMOTIONS.  ”  HOW HAVE YOU BEEN. ” REALIZING HOW GENERIC THE QUESTION,  BUT HIS BRAIN HAD SEEMED TO FREEZE IN A STATE STUPIDNESS…….

SHE REPLIED WITH DIGNITY,  ” I COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, AS YOU CAN SEE. ”  AND YOU CAN,   HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?”  

HE FORMED THE WORDS IN HIS THOUGHTS, BUT TO SAY THEM AVOIDED HIM. ” I’VE BEEN FINE.” FELL OUT OF HIS MOUTH.  SHOCKED HE THOUGHT,  WHAT DID I JUST SAY?    TAKE A DEEP BREATH DIVIT,  GET CONTROL OR YOU’RE GOING TO BLOW IT……….

SHE TURNED A MOVED HER EYES OVER THE HORIZON OF THE SEA.  THIS WAS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE, HER DREAMS HAD DEVELOPED THERE AND THE LESSONS OF HER LIFE STILL  LIVED THERE. WAS THIS ALL THAT WAS LEFT OF THEM….MEANINGLESS QUESTIONS THAT HELD NO VALUE OF THEMSELVES. 

” I GUESS YOU’RE WONDERING ABOUT MY APPEARANCE? ” SHE STATED.   LOOKING AT HIM, SHE SAW THE UNEASINESS THAT IT BROUGHT.  ” I HAD AN ACCIDENT EIGHT MONTHS AGO AND I’M STILL RECOVERING, ALMOST DONE WITH THE CANE BUT THE SCAR WILL BE FOREVER WITH ME.” 

HE SHIFTED HIS EYES TO LOOK DOWN, ” WHAT HAPPENED? ”  HE ASKED, DREADING TO HEAR THE ANSWER.  SHE DESCRIBED THE ACCIDENT, THE STAY IN THE HOSPITAL AND THE NEVER ENDING THERAPY THAT WAS STILL ONGOING. ” I WAS HIT BY A CAR, ” SHE BLURTED,  ” NOT PAYING ATTENTION,   I STEPPED IN FRONT OF A CAR AS I RAN FOR A TAXI. ”  I DON’T REMEMBER ALL OF IT, JUST ENOUGH..

HE SQUEEZED HIS EYES SHUT TIGHT, RECALLING THE CONVERSATION HE HAD WITH EMRE A FEW WEEKS BACK.  IT WAS HER ACCIDENT HE WAS REFERRING TO,  HE CHOSE NOT TO TELL HIM IT WAS SANEM WHO HAD BEEN INJURED.  THEY SAT IN SILENCE WHILE HE DIGESTED THE INFORMATION.  AFTER A FEW MINUTES, CAN MUMBLED, ” WHEN DID THE ACCIDENT HAPPEN? ”  SANEM TOLD HIM, ” IT HAPPENED THE DAY YOU LEFT CAN. ”  BUT DON’T THINK I HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE AT ALL FOR WHAT THE ACCIDENT………..IT WAS MY MISTAKE…..

WITH SORROW DRIPPING FROM EVERY WORD HE ASKED, ” DO YOU HATE ME? ”  I’M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I PUT YOU THROUGH,  I REGRET EVERY WORD THAT I SPOKE TO YOU THAT DAY.  IF I COULD REWIND TO THAT INSTANT AND TAKE IT BACK I WOULD………MY LOVE FOR YOU IS UNWAVERING,  IT HAS HELD ME TOGETHER ALL THESE MONTHS.  THAT LOOK IN HIS EYES THAT WAS ABLE TO STRIP AWAY HER DEFENSES,  PEEL BACK THE LAYERS OF PROTECTION SHE HAD FORMED AROUND HER HEART,  FOUND IT’S WAY IN………..

” WE DON’T NEED TO TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS NOW, CAN, LET’S JUST GET USED TO BEING WITH EACH OTHER AGAIN. ” SHE REPLIED…. ” I WANTED TO SEE YOU BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY, SO IT WOULDN’T BE AWKWARD AND MAKE EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE. ”  TRYING TO HOLD ON TO THE SURGE OF EMOTIONS THAT RUSHED THROUGH HER HEART,  SHE CHANGED TO SUBJECT TO THE WEDDING.  THEY BOTH EXPRESSED THEIR JOY FOR THEIR SIBLINGS AND THE LIVES TOGETHER.  

SHE TOLD HIM ABOUT HER JOB WITH METIN AND HOW HE HAD HELPED HER THROUGH A ROUGH TIME..  HE WATCHED HER DESCRIBE HER LIFE OF THE PAST EIGHT MONTHS AND THE PANGS OF REGRET GREW. HE HAD MISSED ALL THESE TIMES WITH  HER.  HOW WOULD HE MAKE IT UP  TO HER?  SHE SEEMED SO HAPPY, MAYBE SHE WAS BETTER WITHOUT HIM.  THAT THOUGHT HASTENED HIS HEART RATE.  NO…….IT WILL TAKE TIME BUT I WILL REKINDLE THE DESIRE AND THE NEED THEY HAD FOR EACH OTHER.  SHE NEEDED A LITTLE TIME TO ADJUST A GET USED TO HIM BEING THERE.

ALREADY SHE FELT REBORN AND VIBRANT, JUST SITTING, TALKING, LOOKING AT HIM.  HE TRULY WAS HER LIFELINE.  HER THOUGHTS WERE POSITIVE AND HER HEART WAS OPEN……………….

ONCE AGAIN SHE FELT ALIVE…………….

Chapter 17

THEY  TALKED AND LAUGHED FOR  A COUPLE OF HOURS.  RELAYING ALL THE EVENTS OF THEIR LIVES OVER THE PAST EIGHT MONTHS. TIME ALWAYS FLEW BYE WHEN SHE WAS WITH HIM.  SHE HADN’T SMILED THIS MUCH IN MONTHS, SHE THOUGHT,  BUT I HAVEN’T HAD MUCH TO SMILE ABOUT………UNTIL NOW.  

CAN COULDN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME HE HAD ENJOYED THE COMPANY OF ANY ONE PERSON AS MUCH AS HE DID HER.  SHE IGNITED  ALL OF HIS SENSES,  EVERYTHING MEANT MORE,  EVERYTHING WAS FUNNIER WHEN SHE TOLD IT, ALL WAS BRIGHTER IN HIS WORLD.               HE WAS HAPPIER………….

OMER HAD ENDED HIS SHIFT AND AS ANXIOUS TO SEE SANEM.  HE ARRIVED AT HER HOUSE WERE MEVKIBE INFORMED HIM THAT SANEM HAD GONE TO THE COAST.  SHE HAD BEEN GONE FOR QUITE A WHIILE AND SHE WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY.  HE ASSURED HER EVERYTHING WAS PROBABLY FINE AND SHE HAD JUST LOST TRACK OF TIME.  HE WOULD FIND HER AND BRING HER HOME…..HE TOOK THE SHORT WALK TO THE COAST, THINKING OF THE NEWS HE WAS TO SHARE WITH HER.

HE STOPPED SHORT WHEN HE SAW HER.  WAS THAT WOMAN SETTING THERE, LAUGHING TALKING, ILLUMINATING HER ENTIRE SURROUNDINGS, WAS IT SANEM?………….HE HAD NEVER WITNESSED THAT LOOK OF CONTENTMENT IN HER BEFORE….. SHE WAS AT EASE AND SEEMED TO BE IN HER ELEMENT ….. HE WAS IN AWE OF WHO HE WAS SEEING.  QUICKLY NOTICING THE MAN NEXT TO HER AS CAN DIVIT,  HIS WORLD AS HE KNEW BEGAN TO SHAKE.  SO THIS WAS HER IMPORTANT ENGAGEMENT THIS EVENING…………..

HE APPROACHED THE COUPLE, CLEARING HIS THROAT TO LET THEM KNOW HE WAS THERE.  SANEM, IN THE MIDDLE OF QUITE A FUNNY STORY,  JERKED AROUND TO SEE OMER STANDING BESIDE HER. THE SMILE FADED AND SHE STOOD,  ” OMER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON DUTY TONIGHT. ”  SHE BLURTED.  HE SMILED AND NODDED TO CAN,           ”  WELL IT’S QUITE LATE, SO MY SHIFT HAS ENDED AND I WAS HOPING TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU. ”  HE STATED.  SHE FELT THE STARE FROM CAN BURN HER BODY.  THE THOUGHT OF OMER HAD COMPLETELY LEFT HER MIND OVER THE LAST FEW HOURS.  

SHE TURNED TO MEET THE INTENSE GLARE FROM CAN.  SHE KNEW THIS LOOK ALL TO WELL.  SHE MADE THE INTRODUCTIONS,  THIS WAS NOT IN HER PLANS FOR TONIGHT BUT IT WAS NEVER GOING TO BE AN EASY TO EXPLAIN OMER.  OMER SMILED AND INSTANTLY EXTENDED HIS HAND FOR A HAND SHAKE,  SHOWING THE SIGN OF CONFIDENCE HE HAD IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH SANEM. CAN RETURNED THE GESTURE BUT KEPT HIS LOOK OF INTIMIDATION.  

CAN EYES LOCKED WITH OMERS’,  THE STATEMENT THAT WAS MADE BETWEEN THE TWO AT THAT MOMENT,  WITHOUT THE USE OF WORDS,  RELAYED A MESSAGE OF DETERMINATION.   THE TENSION WAS EXTREME, SHE BROKE THE SILENCE BY TELLING CAN SHE WAS GLAD THEY HAD THIS TALK AND LOOKED FORWARD TO SEEING HIM AGAIN.  IN TAKING OMERS’ ARM, THEY TURNED AND WALKED AWAY.  CAN STOOD IN UNBELIEVABLE FEAR AT SEEING THEM WALK AWAY TOGETHER.   

SANEM FOUGHT WITH EACH FIBER OF HER BEING NOT TO TURN AND LOOK AT HIM AS THEY MADE THEIR WAY TOWARDS HER HOUSE.  WHAT WAS HE THINKING,  WHY DID OMER JUST HAVE TO SHOW UP THERE,  ” OH MY GOD, I HOPE HE DOESN’T LEAVE AGAIN………….

SHE HAD LOST THE GLOW THAT HAD BEAMED FROM HER EARLIER AND THE LAUGHTER HAD ALSO ESCAPED HER LIPS.  HE FELT HER SLIPPING AWAY,  THE DISTANCE OF HER  MADE HIM SAD, HAD HE NEVER SEEN THE REAL SANEM?…………UNTIL TODAY.

THE WALK HOME WAS QUITE.  HER MIND WAS GOING OVER THE EVENING, HOW HE MADE HER FEEL,  SUCH A WARM AND RECOGNIZABLE FEELING.  SHE COULD NEVER HAVE THAT  UNDENIABLE CONNECTION WITH ANYONE ELSE.  WHAT DID THAT MEAN?  HOW WOULD SHE BE ABLE TO FORGET THE PAST AND TRUST THAT HE COULD TOO.  HER ATTENTION WAS BROUGHT TO OMER AS THEY ARRIVED AT HER DOOR AND HE TOOK HER HANDS IN HIS.  THAT TOUCH THAT SHOULD HAVE HAD A MEANING,  JUST DIDN’T,  KNOW MATTER WHAT SHE DID, HER INNER SOUL REFUSED TO LIE…….

HE MADE IT HOME IN A DAZE, NOT REMEMBERING THE DRIVE.  HIS HEART IN HIS THROAT AND ON THE VERGE OF TEARS, HE WENT IN TO FIND EMRE WATCHING A GAME ON TV.  THE LOOK OF DEFEAT COVERED HIS FACE. ”  SHE FOUND SOMEONE ELSE? ”  HE MUMBLED, LOOKING AT EMRE FOR AN EXPLANATION.  EMRE PUT HIS ARM AROUND CAN AND SAT HIM DOWN ON THE SOFA.             ”  ACCORDING TO SANEM THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS, ” BUT I DO THINK THAT OMER HAS OTHER PLANS FOR THEM. ” HE REPLIED…. EMRE PROCEEDED TO EXPLAIN THE LAST MONTHS AND HOW SANEM AND OMER MET.  CAN WAS FURIOUS WITH EMRE FOR NOT INFORMING HIM OF HER ACCIDENT.  ” IN MY DEFENSE ABI, HOW WAS I TO CONTACT YOU EXACTLY. ”  YOU LEFT WITHOUT A WORD, NO PHONE CALL, NOTHING!! ”  HE SHOUTED.  I WAS UNDER STRICT RULES NOT TO INFORM YOU IF YOU DID CALL, ”  AND TO BE QUITE HONEST WITH YOU, I DIDN’T THINK YOU DESERVED TO KNOW.”…….CAN GULPED DOWN HIS WHISKEY, SLAMMING HIS GLASS ON THE TABLE.  CLOSING HIS EYES AND BURYING HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS, HE ASKED,  ” DO YOU THINK I’VE LOST MY CHANCE?  ” ALL I WANT IS A CHANCE,  I KNOW I CAN WIN HER BACK IF SHE WILL JUST LET ME. ” 

SANEM GAVE OMER A HUG AND AN EXCUSE OF BEING VERY TRIED. KNOWING HE WANTED TO TALK, OR A LEAST FOR HER TO EXPLAIN HER MEETING WITH CAN. HE HELD THE GRIP ON HER HANDS WITH INTENT, SHE LOOKED AT HIS FACE AND THE GUILT OF HER CONFLICTING EMOTIONS LEFT HER UNEASY. SHE KNEW HE WANTED MORE THAN SHE COULD GIVE HIM.  

OMER WAS JUMPING AHEAD OF HIS PLANS, BUT THE RECENT DEVELOPMENTS HAS PROMPTED HIM TO ACT NOW.  HE REVEALED TO HER THE NEWS THAT HE HAD RECEIVED FROM THE HOSPITAL IN KAYSERI.  HE WAS OFFERED A JOB IN THEIR LARGEST FACILITY THERE, AS THE HEAD OF EMERGENCY DOCTORS.  IT WAS DEFINITELY A PRESTIGIOUS APPOINTMENT.  HE RAMBLED ON ABOUT THE GENEROUS SALARY AND HOW THE CITY WOULD BRING MANY POSSIBILITIES.  SHE WAS CONFUSED AS TO HIS REFERENCE OF ” WE” AND  ” US ” IN THE WHOLE CONVERSATION………….AND THEN, THERE IT WAS,  HE SAID, ” SANEM, I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME. ”  LET’S GET MARRIED, MOVE TO KAYSERI, AND LIVE THE LIFE WE BOTH WANT..”…………

HER MIND WAS NUMB AND SHE KNEW HER FACE WAS PALE, FOR SHE KNEW HER HEART WAS PUMPNG. 

THE WORDS SHE TRIED TO FORM WOULDN’T COME…………

HE SMILED AND SAID,  ” DO I TAKE THAT AS A YES? “………………………………..

Chapter 18

SHE WAS STUNNED, HIS PROPOSAL HAD CAUGHT HER OFF  GUARD.  HE RECOGNIZED THE LOOK,  THAT HE HAD FIRST TAKEN AS ACCEPTANCE, TO BE ACTUALLY THAT OF SHOCK.. 

FINALLY BRINGING HERSELF TO SPEAK, SHE CONGRATULATED HIM ON HIS JOB PROMOTION.  TAKING HIS HAND SHE TOLD HIM THAT SHE APPRECIATED THE OFFER.  ”  THIS IS A BIT SUDDEN FOR ME, ” SHE SPOKE,  ”  THE LAST SEVERAL MONTHS HAVE BEEN HARD, TO SAY THE LEAST. ”        ” YOU HAVE HELPED ME TROUGH IT ALL, AND I AM MORE THAN GRATEFUL. “

HE RAISED HIS HAND IN PROTEST, ” STOP RIGHT THERE SANEM, MY INTENTIONS WERE PURELY SELFISH.”  GETTING TO KNOW YOU AND HAVING YOU IN  MY LIFE HAS BEEN ON OF THE GREATEST JOYS I HAVE KNOWN. ”  HE STATED.  ” TAKE SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT,  I HAVE A FEW  DAYS BEFORE I NEED TO GIVE MY ANSWER. ” JUST CONSIDER WHAT WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND HOW WELL WE BOTH WORK TOGETHER. OUR LIVES WOULD BE WONDERFUL, I WOULD MAKE SURE  OF THAT. ” HE WHISPERED. 

SHE AGREED TO THINK ABOUT IT,  NOT WISHING TO DISCUSS IT ANY LONGER. SHE NEEDED TO BE BY HER SELF,  THE DAY HAD BEEN STRESSFUL AND HER EMOTIONS WERE ON EDGE.  THE CONFUSION  OF HIS OFFER STILL REMAINED,  HER FEELINGS FOR HIM HAD BEEN LIKE THAT OF A FRIEND. SHE KNEW IN HER HEART THAT HE FELT MORE, BUT NEVER DREAMED HE HAD MARRIAGE ON HIS MIND.  HAD SHE LED HIM ON ?  SHE DIDN’T THINK SHE HAD, AT LEAST SHE HOPED SHE HADN’T…….OH WHAT A DAY,  SHE THOUGHT.  THINKING OF CAN AND WHAT HE MUST BE IMAGINING, SHE LONGED TO CALL HIM AND HEAR HIS VOICE.

CAN WAS RESTLESS AND COULN’T SLEEP.  THAT IMAGE OF HER AND SOME OTHER GUY WALKING AWAY TOGETHER, PLAYED OVER AND OVER, JUST LIKE A BAD MOVIE…..HE REALLY NEEDED TO TALK TO HER AGAIN, BUT HE WASN’T SURE WHEN THAT WOULD BE.  EARLIER IN THE DAY HAD HELD SO MUCH PROMISE FOR HIM AND HOPE THAT THEY STILL  HAD A CHANCE OF THEIR LIVES COMING AS ONE.  KNOWING HE HAD TO KEEP THE FAITH THAT SHE FELT THE SAME WAY AS HE, SLEEP FINALLY EMBRACED HIM AND HIS DREAM OF HER CALMED HIS HEART.

THE NEXT DAY WAS FILLED WITH EXCITEMENT.  THE LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS CONSUMED THE MORNING,  THEN THE DINNER FOR THE FAMILY. IT WAS TRADITION, AND WAS ALWAYS QUITE ELABORATE.  THE WEDDING PARTY AND IMMEDIATE FAMILY ONLY.  THANKFULLY OMER HAD DUTY AGAIN THAT NIGHT, SO HE WOULD BE OFF FOR THE WEDDING RECEPTION THE NEXT DAY.. THE ANTICIPATION OF SEEING CAN AGAIN BROUGHT HER THOUGHTS TO FULL ATTENTION.   SHE CONFIDED IN HER SISTER ABOUT OMERS’  OFFER AND HIS JOB PROMOTION. LEILA WAS THRILLED FOR THE PROPOSAL, BUT NOT ABOUT HER MOVING TO KAYSERI.  LEILA ASKED ABOUT THE MEETING WITH CAN THE DAY BEFORE. SANEMS’ FACE LIT UP AND THE TONE OF HER VOICE VIBRATED WITH JOY.  ” IT WAS WONDERFUL, SHE SQUEALED, ” IT’S ALMOST LIKE WE HAD NEVER BEEN APART. ”  HER SISTER KNEW THE SIGNS AND KNEW SANEM WELL ENOUGH TO SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING. 

LEILA MUTTERED, ” YOU’RE NOT GOING TO EXCEPT OMERS’ OFFER ARE YOU? ”  ABLA PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT,  JUST GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT, PROMISE ME. ”  SANEMS’ HEART HAD ALREADY MADE IT’S DECISION, SO SHE WOULD LET HER MIND THINK ABOUT IT, FOR LEILA AND OMERS’ SAKE. 

THE DINNER PARTY TURNED OUT EXCEPTIONAL, THE HAPPINESS OF LEILA AND EMRE HAD CERTAINLY BEEN CONTAGIOUS.  CANS’ EYES NEVER LEFT THE SIGHT OF SANEM,  HIS GAZE ENVELOPED HER , CAUSING HER TO BLUSH.  AFTER DINNER , SANEM WALKED OUT TO THE GARDEN FOR SOME FRESH AIR.  THE CONFLICT SHE FELT INSIDE, HAD EXHAUSTED HER.  HER HEAD WAS SWIMMING WITH THE THOUGHTS AND THE DECISIONS SHE HAD TO MAKE.                       HIS PRESENCE FILLED THE AIR, SHE KNEW HE WAS THERE.  HE WAS CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL HIS BODY HEAT.  SHE TURNED TO FACE HIM,  HIS EYES ROAMED OVER HER FACE, AS IF TO MEMORIZE HER. HE WHISPERED. ” WE REALLY NEED TO TALK, ” THERE’S SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY. ”  SHE LOOKED AWAY TO CATCH HER BREATH, ”  I AGREE, THERE IS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT,  YOU MAY NOT LIKE SOME OF IT, BUT THINGS NEED TO BE OUT IN THE OPEN. ”   HE STAMMER, ” I WILL LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY,  JUST PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE. I KNOW I  DON’T DESERVE IT BUT I TRULY HAVE CHANGED. ” WITH TEARS GLAZING HIS EYES, SHE COULD SEE THE PAIN THAT LAY BENEATH THE SURFACE. 

SHE ASKED HIM TO WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING AND THE RECEPTION, THEN THEY WOULD TALK. SHE FELT SHE HAD TO GIVE OMER HER ANSWER BEFORE SHE WAS FREE TO TALK TO CAN. EITHER WAY , SHE OWED HERSELF THAT TIME.  SHE WOULD LET HIM KNOW WHEN SHE WAS READY TO TALK. CAN  HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO ACCEPT HER DECISION..                                            

THE WEDDING DAY………………….

THE CEREMONY WAS BEAUTIFUL AND FILLED WITH TRADITION.  SANEM WAS ESCORTED BY METIN TO THE WEDDING, OMER WOULD ARRIVE FOR THE RECEPTION.  SHE WOULD TALK TO OMER AFTER THE RECEPTION, SHE DIDN’T WANT TO  WASTE ANY TIME OR GIVE FALSE HOPE. 

EMRE HAD TOLD CAN THAT OMER HAD PROPOSED AND WANTED HER TO MOVE TO KAYSERI WITH HIM. CAN HAD A FEELING OF DESPERATION, WILL THIS BE THE END OF EVERYTHING. HE THOUGHT THEIR LOVE WAS TO LAST FOREVER,  IT WAS TRUE LOVE AND WOULD PREVAIL……..

AS HARD AS HE TRIED, HIS MIND REFUSED TO CONCENTRATE ON THE WEDDING. HIM AND METIN HAD EXCHANGED PLEASANTRIES, AND AGREED TO GET TOGETHER TO TALK, THEY DECIDED IT HAD BEEN LONG ENOUGH…  WHEN OMER ARRIVED AT THE RECEPTION,  THE TENSION REACHED IT’S PEAK. EMRE PLEADED WITH CAN TO KEEP HIS HEAD, FOR HIS AND LEILA’S  SAKE.  CAN KEPT HIS DISTANCE, BUT HIS EYES NEVER RELINQUISHED THE HOLD HE HAD ON SANEM.  

SANEMA AND OMER LEFT THE PARTY EARLY TELLING HIM THEY NEEDED TO TALK.

THEY MADE THEIR WAY TO THE COAST, TO HER FAVORITE SPOT.  SHE REVEALED HER THOUGHTS OF HIS OFFER , TELLING HIM SHE APPRECIATED ALL HE HAD DONE FOR HER, BUT THEY WEREN’T MADE FOR EACH OTHER.   I HOPE WITH ALL MY HEART THAT YOU FIND THE PERSON THAT WAS DESIGNED FOR JUST YOU.  I CAN’T EXCEPT YOUR OFFER, BUT I DO WANT TO STAY FRIENDS, IF THATS POSSIBLE.  OMER HUNG HIS HEAD SAYING, ”  YOUR ANSWER DOESN’T SURPRISE ME SANEM. BUT I AM DISAPPOINTED. ” I ONLY WANT YOUR HAPPINESS. FROM  WHAT I SAW AT THE COAST A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO,  CAN IS WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY . “

RELIVED TO HAVE THAT DONE, SHE FOCUSED ON MEETING WITH CAN. SHE COULDN’T WAIT.                                        LEILA AND EMRE WERE PREPARING TO LEAVE ON THEIR HONEYMOON THE NEXT DAY. RUSHING TO GET TO  THE AIRPORT, THEY ENLISTED CAN TO DRIVE THEM.  HE GOT THEM THERE SAFE AND ON TIME. HE DREADED FOR THEM TO LEAVE, LEAVING HIM ALONE WITH ALL HIS THOUGHTS. HE HADN’T HEARD FROM SANEM AND IT WAS DRIVING HIM CRAZY.  HE SAW THEM OFF, WISHING THEM A  FUN FILLED HONEYMOON. HE DROVE BACK HOME,  LOST IN HOPES AND MEMORIES, HE POURED A DRINK AND HEADED TO THE GARDEN……..HE STOPPED,   WERE HIS EYES WERE PLAYING TRICKS ON HIM……THERE SAT SANEM, ON THE GROUND WITH HER BACK TO THE DOOR…….IN THE SAME WHITE DRESS….HE HELD HIS BREATH AND WALKED OUT TO HER. 

SHE FELT HIM BEFORE SHE SAW HIM…AS ALWAYS.  WALKING IN FRONT OF HER, HE ASKED, ” HAVE YOU BEEN WAITIG LONG? ”  SMILING SHE SHOOK HER HEAD SAYING, ” NO, ONLY ABOUT FOUR HOURS. ”  HE SAT DOWN IN FRONT OF HER, THEIR EYES MELTED TOGETHER AND HE WHISPERED,  ” DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY? ”  SHE NODDED, SMILING HER BIG SMILE AND ANSWERING,    ” ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO HEAR? “

HE PROCLAIMED,  ” I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SURE OF ANYTHING IN MY LIFE “…………………….

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